Teleportation

Cathy ZielskeCZ Life35 Comments

Teleport

Not into self-portraits as much as I used to be, and I'm not sure why.

It's not that I'm having some mid-life identity crisis or anything, but for some reason, I'm not into seeing myself in the digital frame. Not so much right now. Don't get me wrong…I look good enough for my age. My dermatologist said, "You're 41? You must avoid the sun."

Really? You would deduce that? Why…yes, I DO!

Never mind the skin damage that untold years (okay, it's actually a "told" number, but i'm not feeling like reminding myself today) that smoking has caused. I must have some pretty regenerative genes somewhere in my body (no, not like those of Claire Bennet of my most favorite new show that I only watch on a two-inch iPod screen when I myself am hovering, or rather, hurling through space, at 32,000 feet…) but as in, some good hereditary mojo for skin aging. Because I should look WAY older than I do.

I was adopted, so I don't really know what sort of skin is in my future beyond the here and now. I wish, though, that I did have my mother's hair and skin, because a) her skin looks great and b) she still looks totally blonde. Mom, you look a lot younger than you think!

Weird…but the fact that I am adopted came up no less than three times on three separate occasions last week. It is always a surprise to me that people have questions for me. And I always answer them the same way. Yes, I've always known. No, I really have no burning need to know who my birth parents are because my parents are my parents, and that's that. Sure, I wonder if I have any half siblings. No, it's not enough to make me want to do anything about it. And if you must know, it always just felt like it made me special.

Don't know if that's weird to hear or not. Like I said, my parents are my parents and they are amazing people who I love dearly. Sure, we may be members of different political parties…ahem… but I am one lucky girl to have hooked up with them. That's for certain.

That said…if I do find that I am suddenly able to break the space/time continuum, maybe then I'll decide that I need a bit more info.

Cathy ZielskeTeleportation

35 Comments on “Teleportation”

  1. #1
    B

    It’s always interesting to me to hear the other side of the adoption story. I found out when I was 14 that my parents had a baby before they were married. We met her 6 years ago and she’s like one of the family now, but her desire to find her birthparents has caused a big rift her family (she has two older brothers who are also adopted; one wants nothing to do with his birth family and the other desperately wants to find his).

    HOORAY for younger-looking skin! That’s a nice boost to the ego. Yesterday my dentist asked if I bleach my teeth because they are “really light.” I was smiling the rest of the day.

  2. #2
    Melissa Raphael

    I love Hereos. Love it. If you could have a power? What would you want to have??

    Still hoping for one day to have good skin. At 30, I still can break out like a teenager.

    🙂 melissa

  3. #3
    Stacey

    Heroes rocks!! I get so freaked out and nervous watching it though. Sylar really creeps me out. I can’t stop watching though.

    Congrats on the good skin. Woo!

  4. #4
    Kelli

    I’m such a dork, I’m reading and reading and thinking “Claire Bennett, where do I know that name from?” and without clicking on the link, I assume “ah, another scrapbooker, that’s gotta be it”.
    I love Heroes.

    Oprah says Moisturize!!! So I do and drink lots of water. It really helps, I’m peeing so much I don’t have time to look in the mirror at my skin.

  5. #5
    mrc1471

    heroes kicks butt! i don’t know how hiro is going to take on sylar, but i’m very excited to find out!

    as for your adoption.. my dad was adopted and he has never been interested in finding his birth mom/parents, but I have- isn’t that weird? I had great grandparents and thankful they picked him too.

  6. #6
    Ksea

    HEROES ROCKS MY WORLD. It’s the best show on tv right now, imo. Next season will be about generations/lineage. We all know by now that these ‘super powers’ come from DNA… they had to get it from past relatives.

    As far as adoption goes, i have known a person for over 17 years now who’s adopted. He decided 5 years ago (at age 30) to find his birthparents. He was 2 years too late to find his dad–he died of ALS. His mom is 1/2 Suquamish indian and lives on the reservation up in NW Washington State.

    My friend went from being an only child (with his adoptive parents) to having 4 half siblings (2 brothers from his birth father who live in Hawaii and 2 sisters who also live on the Suquamish reservation near their mother). The sisters both have one child each.. so my friend is an Uncle as well.

    He’s very happy he’s found his birth family, especially since he just lost his adoptive father 2 years ago.

  7. #7
    Joy B.

    We could be sisters! I too, have always known I was adopted, always felt a little special, don’t care enough to find my birth parents and have really good skin for my age. Except I’m 46 and blond (really).

    One thing, do you have your birth name or did your adoptive parents change it? This is my story – my parents had gone through the whole process and were just waiting for a baby. One night they were reading the Bible and the passage was something about “darkness before the dawn, but joy cometh in the morning.” The next morning they received the phone call from the hospital to tell them that I had been born. So that’s why I’m called Joy. I hated my name as a child and I hated it when my parents told that story but now that I’ve attained a little maturity and am about to be a grandmother I cherish stories like that.

  8. #8
    Tara

    My mom is adopted. She actually has her original birth certificate with her BIRTH parents names on it… but we have never looked for them.

    When my father passed away 7 years ago, my mother told me that I had a half-brother. Apparently, when my father was younger, he had gotten a girlfriend pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption.

    I have never met him. And since no one knows who she is or anything about the girl, I don’t think I will ever know him.

    Kinda disappointing on my end, but I am sure that he is living a very happy life!

  9. #9
    Tara

    My mom is adopted. She actually has her original birth certificate with her BIRTH parents names on it… but we have never looked for them.

    When my father passed away 7 years ago, my mother told me that I had a half-brother. Apparently, when my father was younger, he had gotten a girlfriend pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption.

    I have never met him. And since no one knows who she is or anything about the girl, I don’t think I will ever know him.

    Kinda disappointing on my end, but I am sure that he is living a very happy life!

  10. #10
    suetreiber

    sometimes it’s more fun to live with the fantasy in your head about the ‘other family’ than to know the reality.
    And you are smokin’ for your age. For any age.

  11. #12
    Jodi

    Heroes is off the hook. Love that show. I too have a friend who was adopted and doesn’t care to know her birth parents. I also have a sister my mom gave up as a teenager. She found my mom and us 15 years ago, very wierd but I adjusted eventually. It’s wierd how much alike we are.

  12. #13
    Trude

    I’m so hooked on Heroes, too! Its really the only show I make sure to catch. Last night’s episode was awesome!

    I think I would feel the same if I found out I was adopted. If you start trying to find out about birth parents and everything its almost like you’re splitting yourself between the two families, and that can really be tough. I have dual citizenship and wasn’t born here, and its hard enough just coming to terms with just how American or just how Norwegian I am! Trying to figure out just how much of one family or the other you are would be truly difficult, it seems.

  13. #15
    valerie

    my father (or as i call him, the Sperm Donor)decided before i was even born that neither my mom nor myself were worth his time. the Husband is all over me to try and find him, (for medical research, blah, blah, blah) and i have no desire to. as far as i’m concerned, my father was my uncle who raised me until he passed away at 14.

    there’s something to be said about being comfortable in your own skin…and about who you are.

  14. #17
    Annette Kuusinen

    Well, Ms. Zielske… As a devoted blog reader, if I had the opportunity to ask you questions, they wouldn’t be about being adopted. It’s not one of my “labels” for you. I would probably ask you for a good recipes or maybe talk photography. Or heck, I would be delighted to hear about your latest rocker obsession – whomever it might be. I love your sense of humor and wit.

    Being comfortable with who you are and where you came from are 2 wonderful achievements whether your 41 or 61.

  15. #18
    Nicole

    I’m a Heroes junkie. Got my hub hooked (and he’s not much of a tv junkie). I adore Peter (hubba hubba!) 🙂 Glad to hear you’ve caught on 😉

    Thanks for speaking so candidly about being adopted. I’m sure you get a billion questions. I love that you have a loving family regardless of biology.

    And awesome for the terrific skin – show it off!!! 🙂 Self portraits, billboards, whatever – yay for not looking like leather!!! 🙂

  16. #19
    Paula Heutsche

    Cathy:

    Just wanted to say “You go girl!”.. I sit here every night, checking out your blog & Ali’s blog. You both inspire and motivate SO MANY PEOPLE! I think I identify a lot with you because I am also 41. We all go through the same stages. Isn’t it amazing?? I am such a lurker.. never responding to anything. I often think how amazing/strange it must feel to be where you are at.. at this stage in your life. I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that we all wish our voice could be heard just a little bit more. Thank you for having the courage to be that voice for a lot of us. Tou are making a difference in a lot of people’s lives. Thank you for that! Now, you & Ali quit posting all these cool things and making us all spend more money!

    Paula

  17. #20
    Carol Anne

    Ah, if we didn’t wrinkle, the skin care industry would go under. I’m just starting to show a wrinkle, and I’m almost 49. Maybe it’s all the preservatives.

    BTW, I appreciate your perspective on parents and adoption. As an a-mom to two elementary kids, it’s good to hear an a-kid’s perspective.

  18. #22
    april

    I think your attitude about being adopted ROCKS. I think it has a lot to do with how your parents must have handled it while you were growing up. We know a young man who is tortured by the fact that he was adopted, but his parents were less than honest and caring about how they chose to finally tell him the truth. Kudos to your parents. BTW—I’ve always thought your mom looks hella young, so just tell yourself you got her genes through osmosis! 😉

  19. #25
    Sara

    Long time lurker and neighbor here (I live is SW Minneapolis!) Just had to say WOW. Ya know how you read something or see something and it is just SO TIMELY? Thank you for being open. Thank you for sharing the “real you” and not being afraid of that. Because people learn and grow from what you have to say. Or they feel comforted and at ease. Like me. We are in the process of adopting. The birthmother is due any day now — in the metro area. Our dreams are about to come true and hearing from you made my heart smile. I worry about our daughter, about the birthmother and about how all of that will impact our future. What I do know is that this little girl will be loved beyond belief and supported in whatever her heart desires in terms of her birth family. It is so reassuring to hear the positive aspects of adoption – especially in these moments of aniety and anticipation! Thank you Cathy. Sara

  20. #26
    Nicki

    Hi Cathy – Read your blog daily, and it is always enjoyable. I love your honesty and how you shoot straight from the hip – my kind of gal! I am with you on the age/skin thing. I am 48, and as far as I’m concerned, age is a number – it is all about attitude, and I have the attitude of a 25 year old! haha I love it when people guess my age at 35 – it makes my day!!!!!

    I loved reading your candidness regarding adoption. My daughter is adopted; I adopted her at birth. She has met her birth mother – I found her. My daughter was studying genetics in school and came home wondering about where she got her hair color, eye color, etc, and I couldn’t tell her. So, I found her birth mom. When my daughter graduated from art school (she is a very talented graphic artist) her birth mom was there. When she got married, her birth mom, birth grandparents and half brother and sister were there to join in. At first it was difficult for me, for the fear that I would lose her to these people who shared her genes. But, I know now that she loves me as her mom, and always will. We share a past, memories that no-one else has, and no one can replace that. I feel very blessed that she is in my life, I love her more than life itself. I just felt since I was given this wonderful gift, it was only fair to give back in some way and let them share in her life and see what a beautiful young lady she has grown up to be. I am so proud of her!

    Again, thanks for all you share on your blog, I truly enjoy it.

    Nicki Lundeen
    nlundeen@catt.com

  21. #27
    Lisa

    Hi Cathy,
    I am adopted too and have known all my life. You are right on about those who loved and raised you are your real parents. My birth mother didn’t rock me through the night when I had colic, didn’t take me to the hospital when I broke my arm, didn’t wipe my tears when my first boyfriend dumped me for another girl (that hussy) and didn’t teach me to drive. She and I did acidentally find each other in 2000 and she is now activly involved in our lives. Its kind of cool for my kids to have another grandmother. Meeting her brought me a whole new second family, aunts, uncles, cousins and a grandmother (who I got to meet before she passed away). When I met them for the first time, July 4, 2000, the first reaction I had (and this may sound silly) as I sat in my grandmothers living room was…oh my God, I look like these people. It was just bizarre. Anyway, my birth mother is a good person, she was 20 years old, no job, no money, no place to live and pregnant. Not a place I would want to be. She gave me up for adoption to loving parents who provided everything I could ever possibly need and more. She spent years wondering where I was, what I was like, regretting that she gave me up, never married and never had any other children.

    God bless all the mothers who have the courage to give up their children so they could have a better life and God bless all the parents who have the courage to love these children.

  22. #28
    Yvonne

    “Yes, I’ve always known. No, I really have no burning need to know who my birth parents are because my parents are my parents, and that’s that. Sure, I wonder if I have any half siblings. No, it’s not enough to make me want to do anything about it. And if you must know, it always just felt like it made me special.” My thoughts exactly. Mark Shultz has a song called Everything to Me… it’s about a son thanking his birth mother, b/c when she gave him up (even though it must have been hard) she gave everything to him. Everything he has now, he wouldn’t have had if she had kept him. Love it, it makes me cry everytime… good cry.

  23. #29
    amanda

    As a mom who adopted her son, it is so refreshing to hear an adoptee who is O.K. with their life story. My son is 4 1/2 and told me yesterday after he got into trouble for spraying down my bathroom with shower nozzel that “that was it! I’m going back to my world!” His world being his birth country of Kazakhstan, but none the less, I expected this comment at 10, maybe 12 but not 4. I looked at him and chuckled deep down inside and thought to myself that he was pretty clever. I told him I would miss him, and that I would be very sad and lonely. He took a second and said I could come too. Thanks for sharing such an intimate part of your life. Adoption ROCKS!

    Cheers.

  24. #30
    Heather Ales

    I am so glad you made the comments on adoption that you did. I’m also adopted, and felt the EXACT same way. If Sheri (my birthmother) hadn’t found me, I’d still respond the same way. I used to get the strangest responses and looks from people when I explain that my parents are my parents. Sheri is how was born – but she isn’t who I am…if that makes any sense. Anyway, I’m SO glad to hear that I’m not the only adoptee who had the same feelings.

  25. #31
    Jenn from MA

    Hey Cathy,
    I wasn’t adopted, but I am a firm believer that blood isn’t the only thing that makes you a family. I have a fantastic mother who I consider one of my best friends. My father was absent and uninvolved for most of my life and I haven’t seen or spoken to him in over 8 years (his choice…he is big on abandonment). Love is love wherever you find it and I am glad you were brought into such an incredible family.

  26. #32
    Stacey

    funny that you talked about age today… i turned 30 a few months back and am finally old enough to appreciate being carded… which I was… THREE TIMES last night at the Cards/Rockies game!!!! Aaahhhh…. ego boost. 🙂

    Thanks for the fab comments and stories — keep ’em coming!

  27. #33
    Ania

    Wow. So very nice and cool to read your entry and all these comments aswell. Seems like giving up your baby for adoption is pretty common (or well, more common) in the states than here in Norway…however…there’s a lot of adoptions from the 3rd world etc here…compared.. personally I think that we all are entitled to our own views and feelings – and that’s totally okay. I’m adopted from South Korea, don’t give a damn really about my biological family but it’d be very nice & cool to just visit the country someday just to have experienced that but it’s not that big a deal to me. Other adoptees I know are more into finding their biofamily, and/or more into visiting South Korea, and that’s just okay. We’re all different. And we all have our stories as do they (the parents). Cheers! Ps. Heroes ROCK! BEst Series Evah! (ok..close tie with The Shield – early seasons)

  28. #34
    andie

    I’m adopted too. I wish your parents aopted me, bc I’ve nver felt my parents were my parents…I was always treated as an outsider…but i know my bmom now..and i know i hit every branch on the way down that tree!

  29. #35
    Guy Chambliss

    If you feel loved and special, then it means you were meant to be with them. It doesn’t have to be different and it is really a wonder why some people make such a big deal out of it. It can be painful when your adoptive parents already have children of their own, because that’s when alienation can be felt.

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