Falling under the respective headings of “No Festering Allowed,” “Appropriate F-bomb Usage Guidelines,” and, of course, “Excessive Punctuation 101,” I have a need to write today to address one poster’s comment from yesterday. It read as follows:
PLEASE!!! NO MORE ABOUT THE F*CKING iPHONE! IT'S AN OVERPRICED TRENDY PHONE!
I expected more from you 🙁
Posted by: Stephanie | July 03, 2007 at 12:58 PM
Well Steph, I realize that singling people out is, in the words of Forrest Gump, "a bad thing," but you didn’t leave your e-mail address, and because I don’t believe that I’m an Elected Official of the Scrapbooking Universe, to be held accountable to my subjects—which technically, I only have three and those are, in fact, the people I live with—I share the following advice, with the utmost respect:
Because as far as what the general public can and should expect from me, it lists as follows:
1. I will be kind to animals
2. I will recycle as often as possible.
3. I will avoid situations that may provoke episodes of road rage.
4. I will break none of the agreed upon laws of man and God.
5. I will mask snarky blog retorts with language and sentence structures that amuse me, first and foremost, and won't TRY to be intentionally mean because I still remember what it was like to be in the 7th grade.
And that’s pretty much it.
I really don’t give a flying emu turd about the iPhone, in theory. However, I don’t live in theory—I live in a technologically-charged, mildly feverish, geeked-out state when it comes to all things Apple. When Steve Jobs moves his lips and makes sounds with his vocal chords, I go into a trance-like consciousness, and when I wake up, disoriented, wearing only my drool-soaked Apple logo t-shirt that I waited for two hours in line to get at the Mall of America in 2003, I can't shake the feeling that somehow that I've just been lovingly bathed in the very rays of the Eternal Kingdom itself.
I agree with you, that it IS an overpriced, trendy phone…but have you seen how astronomically COOL it is? I mean, YOU CAN LOCATE SEAFOOD RESTAURANTS WITH IT!
I don’t understand what gets people so riled up about something as innocuous as a piece of technology. Poverty in America? Check. The war in Iraq? Check. Global injustice? You betcha. But an iPhone?
It was one giant leap for Cath-kind when I realized that I didn’t actually need an iPhone. Quite possibly, the biggest realization of my life, next to when I learned that the phrase was actually, “for all intents and purposes” and not “for all intensive purposes.” I just want to be super clear on this: I am not buying one because I have reached a point in my life where it’s okay to NOT have new stuff the minute it comes out. That, and I can’t technically afford one, AND… I would also like to keep my marriage in good working condition. Nevertheless…for me, this is a HUGE realization. Huge.
So my point is this: The people who can and should expect more, know who they are.
And lastly, if you (or anyone, including myself) are going to drop an F-bomb (and I completely appreciate the strategically-placed asterisk) just keep in mind that my pure-in-thought-and-deed, 70-something, Republican mother, Shirley, reads this blog, too.
And I’m willing to swear on a stack of bibles that my mother has never said “f*ck” in her life, because she, Stephanie, my gentle blog reader, is a saint.
Me? Not so much, but I save my sailor banter for those I love, face to face…excluding my children, MOST of the time.
And speaking of Shirley… SHE gets to expect more. Everyone else? And I say this with the utmost of respect and common sense: refer to the aforementioned list.