I have a dream.
And in this dream, Waste Management arrives in the pre-dawn hours to deliver an obscenely large leave-behind dumpster. And when Dan wakes up to see the large depository sitting out behind our garage, he smiles and says: "Go ahead. Get rid of anything you like. I’ll be home at 6."
Shivers down my spine. Truly.
I’m fully aware of how dreaming too big can get you into trouble. So I’m starting small.
Today, I’ve hired a dude who’s coming to remove one of what I hope are many large things that clutter up my otherwise peaceful world. I present to you, Barely Used 1970s Box Freezer:
We bought our Mom and Dad’s house. Not literally, mind you. Because if that were true it would mean that Dan and I are brother and sister, and that’s just ewww. But when we bought this house, there were so many things that felt WAY too grown up for us…like a Box Freezer… and it made us feel as if we were living in our parents’ house.
We tried at first, to play along. We bought numerous turkeys. Frozen burritos in bulk. We even went in on a full side of beef with Dan’s dad. All in the name of filling up the Box Freezer. You know, for all those elaborate, meat-laden Sunday night dinners that most people in their late 20s make.
Over time, we forgot about the Box Freezer. I just don’t plan ahead like that, end of the world be damned.
Then 12 years passed.
So last week I called a haul away service. I figured if I can’t justify a cleaning service, I absolutely can use some of my hard earned dollars to start chipping away at the glutton of stuff that is taking up space in my house. You know, to start making room for the basement remodel project of 2022!
And while they’re here, you know what else they’re taking away? Let’s just say there is a 1960s air conditioning unit, almost the size of the Box Freezer, that’s been sitting squarely in the center of my deck since October, and its hours are numbered.
And I know what else you’re wondering, "Is that grey chair in the shot what I think it is?"
Yes. You are correct:
It too, came with the house. A giant, 1960s, sit-down, hair dryer. Now THAT is something every family needs. (I know, Tara, the garage-saler in you is DYING right now that you can’t turn this into a shoot prop.)
And guess where this sucker is also going?
I think I just had an orgasm.
Wait…. no. I didn’t. Still, I have a really strong urge to smoke right now.
Suffice to say, maybe you CAN dream big, because in a matter of hours, I’m going to become a shining, living example that some dreams really do come true.
On a final note, I really am looking forward to the basement remodel of 2022. Because as I’m now able to see more clearly the walls of this same basement corner, I only hear one word: