A few months ago, I went against every single human instinct I possess, and joined Facebook. (And yes, if you ask me to be your friend, I'll gladly accept you because in 2009, my self-worth will be based not only on how many pounds I lose on Weight Watchers, but how many friends I amass on Facebook.)
Facebook is the new smoking. It's a horribly addicting, time-sucking entity that will eventually drain you of your life force as you fight your family for computer time to update your status with things like, "Going to eat now," or, "Good news! The rash is NOT contagious!". And you know what all that's code for? TOTAL AWESOMENESS!
One of my favorite things about Facebook is that you can become a fan of things. Pretty much any thing you can think of, you can become a fan of. I decided to become a fan of really stupid, obvious things, like cheese. And water. One of my favorite Facebook friends, who shall go unnamed, (HEY, Mark Spearman!), saw my latest fan declarations and suggested, "Why stop there? Why not become a fan of oxygen, gravity and photosynthesis?"
Okay then, Mr. Smart Ass, I will. And I became of fan of all three. And bacon, too.
But the more I thought about the fact that I'd publicly announced, through Facebook, that I was now a fan of photosynthesis, I realized that I couldn't ride the wave of deceit any longer. The truth is, I'm not. I'm so sorry for those whom I'm about to offend by saying this, but here it is: I'm not a big fan of house plants.
The reason? Ours suck.
Enter Exhibit A, the Sad Spider Plant:
Just minutes before this shot was taken, the plant was an absolute mess: brown, burned leaf tips, spindly crap wrapping around my special collection of Everyday Food mags, and the pink, polka-dotted plate was covered with a strange, orange mineral melange of gunk. Thanks to some quick, handy scissor work, it's better. But I never look at this plant and think, "Thank you, nature."
Next, Exhibit B, The Bloody Mess:
This photo is doing FAR more justice than this plant deserves. Truly. It sits menacingly on one of our stereo speakers, doing its best to get all mangled up in the blinds (which I hardly ever close because it's just too much to deal with, all that detangling). Every so often, when no one is looking, I take those trusty scissors of mine and start hacking away. And then I act all, "What? Must have gotten caught in the door or the blinds."
Maybe part of why I don't like this plant is where it's located, which is here:
What's that, you ask? Above the messed up plant? That's where our built-in, 200-year-old air conditioner unit used to reside. We finally took it out and started to patch up the hole. A year and a half ago. I've gotten used to it now. Doesn't even bother me. However, I thought it lacked something, so I added this:
You can't see? Here, I'll help:
(Cat's Life Press stamps are SO versatile! But I digress…)
Back to the plants. This next plant has been around as long as Dan has:
I purchased this Peace Lily in the first month after I'd moved to Minnesota in 1990, to shack up with my then boyfriend (shhhhh) Dan. Okay, don't look at me like that. He had a duplex. I moved in upstairs. UP-stairs. He was (and still is) a Pastor's kid. I wasn't about to be damned for all time.
We recently transplanted this into the pot you see. Dan assures me it'll come around. I'm hoping it's not a reflection of our years together.
But all of all of the plants in my house, this one is the saddest of them all, and I vacillate between wanting to wrap a cozy blanket around it and drop-kicking it into the trash. I present the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree plant:
Christmastime is here….
Just look at it. It barely even qualifies as a houseplant. More like a housebranch. Poor little thing. Maybe it's the fact that it's always surrounded by shoes.
I'll bet it doesn't appreciate slip-on houndstooth patterns at such close proximity. Or sitting on the lowest shelf in the room. Or the fact that I hate it and think it makes the whole room look totally depressing. And yet, that didn't stop me last December from trying to hang a few shiny ornaments from its meager branches.
So I just wanted to be forthcoming and correct the lie I'm living on Facebook. I'm not the fan of photosynthesis I said I was. I believe 2009 is going to be a year of big personal revelations and I'm starting now with the truth about my houseplants.
I mean really, the levels of oxygen Charlie Brown is giving off hardly justify the shelf space.
Vanessa Wheeler says
LOL That is simply hyaterical ! I love the thought of plants – but I never have any in the house – if I did they would look far worse than say….your Charlie Brown ! I couldn’t help but have a giggle when I saw it, and to imagine it decorated ??!! Too funny! Facebook is addictive and heaven knows why – it is soooo not useful! I may see you over there while I am wasting time ‘bowling’ with my ‘friends’ !!
What a huge chuckle you’ve brought to the beginning of my week! You really, really can WRITE, let alone do the whole scrapbooking thing! Love the stamped wall … genius :). Won’t be able to meet you on facebook as I value my privacy too much! but look forward to hearing more about your exploits. Thank-you for a great and uplifting start to the week!
Shanon Gibson says
That is too, too funny! I find photosynthesis to be over rated. I don’t have a single plant as I find I kill them off. I do not consider killing a plant as an inability to mother as my husband has mentioned to me before as I have a 22 month old daughter and a 9 month old daughter and they are chubby and still sucking air!
Rachel Ellington says
Oh, for the love of Facebook! I’m only a week into my addiction with the time suckage machine they call Facebook and I have to admit it is way fun! Better than a class reunion…no pressure! Oh and photosynthesis thing….ya, not in my house! I’d rather witness good photosynthesis elsewhere!
Oh, gotta get back to Facebook and make friends! (insert Dr. Evil laugh here)
Jana D says
Too funny. My plants endure similar lifestyles. All 3 of them. Yup. 3 kids and 3 plants. Hmmmm.
By the looks of it, I’d say it’s not as much you not being a fan of photosynthesis – as photosynthesis not being a fan of yours…!! 😉
Nah – just kidding! Please don’t kill me on Facebook now. Or anywhere else, actually.
Hillary Chybinski says
LOL – I have no luck with house plants either – but i love the look of them. . .and i have so far resisted facebook. . .not sure how much longer i can hold out. . .LOL
Jeannette P says
Thanks for the great laugh while I’m trying to hear the radio to see if the 2 hr delay turns into a cancellation since it’s -15 out without the windchill. I don’t want my sweet little babies to stand outside in this. Ok, ok, really I don’t like standing ouside waiting for the bus with them in such cold. Yeah I can be tough if I have to but I don’t WANT to freeze today. I’m already sick.
Facebook is addicting in more ways than 1. I am trying to limit my time on there but sometimes I hit a timewarp & its been an hour since I looked at the clock & I say “Holy Crap, where did the time go?”
I have not started declaring I’m a fan of things yet. I still need time to check out all my fav blogs & somethings got to get left out right? Too bad they didn’t pay people to be on facebook. Now that could be a fun job right?
*snort* a fan of photosynthesis! I’d gladly send you a friend request on fb, but I am a fb boycotter. I know it’d do the same thing to me as it’s done to you… take over all my free time, and right now, I’m not ready for that level of addiction/commitment. Yet. But if I ever change my mind, you’ll be the first friend I add. Promise! 😉
Btw, the house plants look a tad bit less pathetic than the ones at our place. 😛
I am now officially a fan of you! Love that you’re on Facebook. I got rid of all my houseplants a couple of years ago. Haven’t missed them.
lily goldsmith says
I can understand the plant thing… mine get watered when I remember, which isn’t often. Oops. My DD planted a spider plant in a plastic cup in school over a year ago, and I have yet to put it in a proper pot. 🙂 And yes, I’ve been sucked into the vortex of Facebook – but I’ve reunited with several friends from college, and it’s wonderful! Thanks for the laughs, Cathy! You’re hysterical!
I gave up on house plants years ago. Do not have a single one in my house. However, have lots of fake greenery that gets really dusty.
Wow! Ha! I needed that laugh! I once had a start from a plant from my brother-in-law that he got from his mother in 1968. He can do anything with plants. I watch them go from great to really bad. I kept that plant- a clover plant for years and years. It would die off in the winter and come back to life in the spring. I finally pitched it. Also I got rid of my bamboo plant last fall. Too much to deal with! Thanks Cathy for the laugh.
My BFF finally asked me to be her friend on Facebook. Now I HAVE to join!
Wow, you have a plant that’s as old as your relationship with Dan *and* it’s still alive? I am impressed! We’ve just got a lot of pots of dirt and dried up sticks. XX’s
Wendy in MD says
I joined FB a few months ago and have found it to be a wonderful distraction. Yup, I’m on your friends list (thanks!). I don’t get the “fan” thing, though. Besides saying you’re a fan, what doest that do for you? Do you participate in those groups? Do they send you status updates? What’s the point???
P.S. You’re hilarious as always. You brighten my day!
P.P.S. Do you know if Ali E. is on FB? How about any other Simple gal?
Itypically lurk very silently. (Bad bad blog reader.) I had no choice but to comment today though. This post just made me laugh so hard that my boss just laughed at me laughing. (And yes I am allowed to play online while I’m at work, as long as my work is done, which it is of course ::ahem::, and I keep answering the phone.)
katie scott says
Susan Raihala says
OMG, I love you for making me feel so normal, so not alone. No houseplants here (they’ve all died), recent Facebooker, and have a number of household projects that should have been finished up long ago but languish in the world of I Don’t Care Anymore. You’ve got me thinking of how to use a few of thousands of stamps on them…. Off to become a friend of Cathy!
Your post totally explains why I only have fake plants in my house! After spending way too much money on things that respond to my touch by dying, I went with the fake ones!
Oh, and Facebook? Totally addicting, but way too much fun!!!
I just did this yesterday – got sucked into the vortex of facebook. My husband did too. I have 18 friends. He has over 100. I think he cheats. Okay, I want to be your friend, and everyone else’s. I cannot let him win. Find me: Heather Park Kojan!
ok- I have to tell you, I saw the patch job on your wall in another photo awhile back…. and I thought it was a piece of art! No kidding! I thought it was a canvas with an abstract painting! I actually noticed it and said- “nice, simple and eyecathing” I say you leave it up and tell everyone you did it yourself. Just say you decided not to use a canvas at all, and you liked the look and feel of texture and various mediums (ie: spackle). Just work it like meant it!
As I sit here looking at the shrivelled leaves that surround me, I just wanted to say, “THANK YOU!” It was the picture of the wall patch that made me laugh out loud…it kind of helps me hate my husband a little less for ripping out the ceiling in the laundry room LAST APRIL…we’re still waiting for inspiration to get it finished.
~ Kim says
Hysterical!!!! Thanks for coming clean!!
Do the Charlie Brown tree a favor and chuck it in the compost pile. I found your patched wall that is not painted very reassuring as I have trim that has not been painted since a remodel three years ago. Why don’t I just break down and paint it – cause the only time I notice it is when I have guests who haven’t been to my home before. 🙂
JJ Sobey says
your plants are WAAAAAY better than mine.
Mine are all dead. Or plastic. Or both.
You just cracke me up:) You are so funny. I have only 1 houseplant and it has been living for about 6 years now but doesn’t grow much. My parents can grow anything. Inside or outside. I can do the outside but the inside gives me trouble.
Thanks for brightening my Monday! You are a fantastic writer!
Because I love to find more ways to spend time on facebook I just joined your fan page and sent you a friend request, there’s another cathy same spellings for both names, she’s a blond chick just out of high school. I have one house plant, it’s a ficus that my husband has loved forever and seems to survive “benign neglect” at our house.
You have the same green thumb I have!
Off to become a fan of bacon! Thanks for the heads up 🙂
Oops posted on the wrong date… see that is how my day is going!
Anyhoo-just wanted to say thanks for making me laugh outloud today! I needed it!
Have a good one!
I’m on facebook today- just became a fan of Sesame Place, everyone needs to be a fan right?
Cathy-you’re just TOO funny…where do you come up with this stuff. Great post! I laughed…ALOT!
Michael Ann says
You never disappoint! Have a great day!
Just wait until you inevitably buy yourself a smart phone of some kind or another and download the facebook app… you know, so you can never NOT be awesome!
I mean, I’ve HEARD of this. I’m sure there’s an app out there. I bet. 😉
I am a fan of photosynthesis at arm’s length. If you have beautiful plants in your house, I’ll appreciate them. If I drive by a beautiful pastoral scene, I’ll probably stop and take a picture. But my house is currently plant free because I either a) forget to water them so they die; b) knock them behind the couch where they die a slow death (I did this to a cactus, once); or c) let them overgrow everything, through the blinds, around furniture, and become covered in a sheen of dust. Kind of like the house on Jumanji without the giant spiders and jungle cats.
Thanks for the funny Monday a.m. post – I knew there had to be something funny about coming to work today in our lovely, balmy
Your post this morning totally cracked me up. I confirmed some friends that came through last night and thought better than to get sucked into FB, so I went to my homepage, you, and almost fell out of my chair! Thank you Cathy for starting my day off right!
I’ve still got plants from oh so long ago…it’s so funny how they change and yet sort of survive through the years. If I dared venture onto face book (I am under the impression that if I ever tried smoking/alcohol/facebook I’d become seriously addicted. It’s my personality) then I too would choose to be a fan of photosynthisis.
thanks for the belly laughs
Goodness gracious, you have almost 1000 friends!! You are the most popular girl I now of! lol I thought that my friend who had 600 friends was cool, but wow, you go way above and beyond!! lol
I’m the same way with house plants. My mother keeps giving them to me as her house is filled with beautiful healthy plants. So she’ll split hers and give me a piece, generally the ones like aloe and cactus that can live a long time with a lot of neglect. Well I’ve killed the aloe, it took about 9 months, but I did it. And the christmas cactus haven’t bloomed in 2 years, but they’re still partially alive. I moved them directly adjacent to my kitchen sink because I thought it might remind me to water them more. They’re still dying.
Sara Rossi says
I’ve been following your fan updates on FB, thinking they just keep getting better! I too am not a fan of plants & keep the 2 I have near the sink or I will forget to water them…
I used to be a fan of photosynthisis but moving companies aren’t at all fans of plants and there ended my fanhood. I had one plant recently but finally decided to ditch it for the fake Christmas tree. Plan to buy another one for that corner but haven’t been to the nursery to get one. Sad, excuse for a fan I know.
Facebook is definitely a time sucking devil. My dh says I’m a facebook snob. I hate it when people send me friend suggestions. How do they know I want to be friends with who they suggest? I want to pick my friends gosh doggit!
You crack me up. I love the suspense of discovering how your plant sits by the shoes.. ha ha. Happy Facebook..have fun!!
The Charlie Brown “tree” IS looking a little sad and pitiful, but it does still have green leaves on it 😛 Whenever I bring a plant home, my husband will say, “Poor little guy…he doesn’t stand a chance” or “Planning on murdering another plant, huh?!” The only plants I’ve had any type of luck with is Aloe Vera and bamboo – low maintenance for sure. I also had a great rosemary plant in my kitchen window that grew pretty big, (till I put it outside on a sunny day, forgot to bring it in and it froze that night 🙁
I’m just getting started with Facebook. What am I getting myself into…lol
i have long maintained that facebook needs to allow people to become the enemy of something. at which point i will become nutella’s enemy.
Jennifer W. (Simple Scrapper) says
So funny. At least you can keep plants alive – I’ve given up.
sue Treiber says
housebranch. I am dying.
Maybe it’s because you picked the suckiest of all houseplants!
Cathy – as always your blog is good for a laugh – out loud. Your “paint me” stamp was just too much! I do feel sorry for Charlie Brown though – you really can’t find him a better home than near the stinky shoes in the dark????
April P says
Ahhh, I’m so glad I can get my fill of Cathy here on your blog since DYL has closed! AND, I jumped on facebook several weeks ago and am thrilled to be one of your friends, as well as Stacys. Watching you two on FB last friday was fab-o and caused me to laugh often! Thanks!
cathy, i’d love to hear your response to this:
jen – a facebook friend
Christy B says
Ok, time to go change my pants!! (-;
So, from all the fan stuff – are you a fan of Apple computers? 🙂 [maybe I should check that, but I’m trying to avoid FB right now – real life interferes sometimes]
Kim K says
My husband calls our garage the “Plant Cemetary”…and he does the voice like a movie trailer.
Indoor plants just can’t survive with me as their caretaker…but I don’t have the heart to throw them out, so I just put them in the garage…all lined up. Why? Well, one year, one of them actually came back to life (a perennial of some sort, I guess). I have hope that they’ll all do the same! HA HA
Love your posts!
Thanks for accepting me as your FB friend. I am a fan. . . and adoring fan!
Amy v says
Oh my goodness Cathy that post had me LAUGHING OUT LOUD. I am glad that there is someone else who has plants like that AND who has home projects that are half completed like that!
It’s the light–or rather, lack of light. We just don’t have enough of it here in MN in the winter. I also have a few houseplants who suffer through the winter in our dimly lighted rooms. As soon as it warms up I put them on our back porch which they love. I am beginning to think we should just think of houseplants as disposable (as in compostable). Just compost and replace them when they look too awful. They really DO need the correct amount of light. I get my plant fix at the Como Conservatory in the winter.
Hmmm. . . thinking about creativity and the hole in the wall from (overgrown) son’s temper tantrum. I feel a project coming on. . .
Just had to add you as a Friend on fb…and as a Fan…so does that put me in the Fangirl category now??
Shelley Laming says
Your house branch had me laughing out loud! When my house plants (inevitably)get that ugly, I just toss ’em. 🙂
Oh, funny!! I’m ambivalent about houseplants. I don’t quite see the point of them since they don’t smell good and you can’t eat them and they just sit there needing attention from time to time and otherwise being useless. Kind of like cats, now that I think about it.
When my MIL died I “inherited” a cutting (not sure that’s the right word actually since it wasn’t really cut, just divided) from her shamrock plant. My husband made some joking comment about how if this plant died, so would our relationship. And now I’m completely paranoid about this stupid plant. And shamrocks are known for going into dormant periods where they look for all the world like they are dead, dead, dead, and I keep reviving the thing and thinking “whew, dodged that bullet for the moment!”
ohmy gosh, this is hillarious. I hate houseplants too, can’t seem to keep any of them alive.
This year, I even went so far as to buy self watering pots (you put the water in the base and it absorbs into the clay/plant somehow) and, some aqua globes that you put water in and stick it into the plant, so it will water itself for 2-weeks
I’ve tried being nice to them, but I still kill em.
I think I need to take some pics, and try and do a funny layout on them (thanks for the inspiration!)
Denise R says
Ahhhh, your blog is now bookmarked on my computer and reading it fills the big hole in my life left by the January 21st end date of your design class. I missed you and it’s so good to have you back!!
Paula in Phoenix says
I too had (yes… HAD) houseplants that I loathed. I couldn’t stand the thought of killing something LIVING. During the school year, I even had them in my classroom. These were “lovingly” carted home every summer for TLC. Mind were all of the GOLDEN POTHOS (nearly the only thing that will grow indoors in Phoenix) 9-yard stem variety. Maybe a few token leaves at the v-e-r-y ends. As I complained about hating these often, my husband suggested I toss them. What? What… an amazing idea. Pots and all. I’ve never looked back. When Paul brings me flowers (once in a blue moon), I am thrilled they will only last a short while. 🙂
Ann Grounds says
You crack me up!! House plants and I do not get along either…terrible me, I’d purposely forget to water the thing in hopes it would kill over, but dear old hubby would find it and water it and ala back to being okay….I finally told him it was too big for our place and it went to his sister who’s house is a jungle of house plants.
Oh, I like your wall!! I had one just like that for 4 years, except it was half of a wall in our living room next to the fireplace, one that you couldn’t help seeing and nothing could hide it.
Anyway, I added you to my friends on facebook. I guess that I really haven’t explored it or figured it out as I could.
I just waste time on blogs.
LoriP in CT says
LOL! Thanks for the chuckle today. But I thought plants were supposed to look this way. Mine do! Oh. and fb is like crack, not ciggy’s (not that I would know though). I have a “friend” on fb who is a fan of bacon. And nutella. Just hope there is no fan club of bacon dipped in nutella. 😀
Susan D. says
facebook is crazy and scary all at the same time. just an fyi…you can link your twitter to you facebook status. there’s a code on twitter…and i think you use it under settings in FB.
Melissa Cummings says
That is so like every houseplant I’ve ever had. I had this rubber tree plant for, like, 14 years until I finally put it out of its misery. And your wall reminds me of when I was growing up and my parents remodeled the kitchen. Well, years later, one wall was still unfinished, so my mom got mad one day, took a marker and wrote “Andy’s Wall” really big on it. (Andy was my dad, just to clarify, not some stranger.) Anyway, it got painted pretty quick after that.
Ooh my god, I just found out, you can even become a fan of … YOU!! So, are you??
LOL at your sense of humor…i love it!!! You always have me laughing my ass off and today was no exception. Love the wall and the half-dead houseplants probably because i can relate to them both. Keep the laughs coming!
That peace lily WILL come around. We got one when my husband’s grandmother passed away, and I kept it and repotted it and took good care of it. Until one day when we moved and I left it in the care of an unsuspecting, un-house plant educated teenager for about a week, and he watered it EVERY DAY until it was so water logged I just knew it wouldn’t make it. So after we moved I put it in the garage (no windows) and ignored it for 6 months to a year and let it dry out. But it still had some green leaves, so when we moved again, I repotted it and put it in a semi-sunny spot and it is now happy and thriving. I swear, those things are super resilient. Maybe that’s why they are called PEACE lilies–they just don’t get disturbed about much of anything!
Amanda D says
I like you more and more all the time. I hate houseplants too. I’m a preschool teacher and always get potted plants at the end of school. They’re dead before fall. I just don’t water them. They don’t whine like kids so it’s easy to ignore them!
i’m glad you decided to come clean! & i always look forward to your facebook updates. thanks for being my facebook friend, cathy! 🙂
Get rid of all the house plants and start over – fresh. Think of them like annuals.
You’ll feel better and have one less thing to pester you, yes?
kim-todays creative blog says
If I came to visit, I would throw them out for you….be done with it already. 🙂
Tracy V says
Cathy, thank you for the laugh today! I am glad I am not the only one sucked into the Facebook abyss! Is it wrong to hip check my 10 year old daughter off the computer and tell her “Momma has work to do – I need the computer!”? Only to have her return minutes later and catch me staring into the faces on FaceBook and the faces of their friends, and their friends’ friends, etc. Thanks for the smile! Tracy
Oddly, I just took a picture of my dead house plant this weekend. Truly. Great minds? No, hopeless gardners’ act of contritions.
But how you make me laugh. I laugh, and then read the next line and laugh, and laugh.
Okay, now I’m going to find you on Facebook, although all I ever do there is Confirm Friends. Such is my wild, crazy life.
OMG I almost spit my half-chewed Wavy Lays onto the computer screen when you made me start singing that Charlie Brown “Christmastime” song. Seriously – thanks for the laugh. Today is my 43rd birthday and it sucked big, honkin’ deer ticks (you thought that I was gonna say something else, didn’t you?).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! thanks to the brevity brought to me by the letters “C” and “Z” in blogland (because I shunned Facebook after two hours).
Your posts always make me smile.
Fabi Moraes says
Just wanna say I love your writing. And since you’ll be friends with just about anyone on Facebook, I’ll add you as my friend. It will sure add up to MY sense of “self-worth”!
Thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone: surrounded by awful-looking plants (fake ones in my case) and unfinished home improvement projects. Throw in a HEALTHY sprinkling of dirty dishes and clutter and I’ll feel like we’re twins separated at birth. See you on Facebook!
Cathy, you truely are the most cheerful person I know!! I had several good laughs reading this post! And after the afternoon I have had that is saying something! All three toilets in the house stopped up for the second time in less than a week. What gremlin is hiding and poking stuff down my drains at night? Anyway since I missed my Monday night crop waiting on the plumber, you sure did cheer me up!! Thanks!!
P.S. I made the remark at ya on Facebook about Mulder…that guy is mine!!
i can’t tell you how many times I chuckled out loud reading this post! So funny!
Denise L. says
I’m starting to see that we have many similar items in our homes. I too have a plant that I am trying to nurse back to health (and I also collect up the brown leaves of the 2 other plants in my house when I walk by them occasionally). In my stairwell I have 3 patches that were to correct some nail popping due to the house settling. And thirdly, I created a Facebook page late last summer and did not do anything with it. Then my daughter “found” me and the ridicule started about the lack of content on my page, perhaps I was too old to know how to use it… My husband “found” me and said he wasn’t sure it was me because it had no picture. C’mon noone else could possibly have my name…so I started to build my friend base and searching for more friends, joining groups, and…now I find I cannot escape. I’m now off to befriend you! ;0)
Like I needed ANOTHER distraction other than blogging. I might get banned by my husband. I’m so addicted.
Jenny Bamford-Perkins says
Yeah, I joined Facebook after being pushed into it against my will, and so happy I did, and I am so addicted!!
Oh, and Cathy–my bathroom walls look similar to your area where the air conditioner was. I am looking forward to my husband finishing that bathroom, but I have learned to pick my battles 😉
Catch ya on Facebook!!
Jenny in MAine
Amanda Elizabeth says
This post is freaking hilarious! You totally made my night!!!
Ha! I’d say I’m a fan of photosynthesis, but I just can’t seem to channel it to the plants I’ve tried to raise (or raze???). In college, I managed to kill off a jade plant, which my mom gave me because it was supposedly hardy. (What? It won’t do well on my dresser in the darkest corner of the room where it is easily forgotten?)
Then there was the beautiful aloe vera plant my grandma started for me from a cutting. (Practical, too, as my skin borders on translucent and burns as soon as I see rays of sunlight.) Anyway, dear Grandma has the greenest thumb…but I killed the poor little thing. By the time I transplanted it in a last-ditch effort, the roots were dry and crumbling in my hands. The pot still sits on my kitchen counter, mocking me on my grandmother’s behalf (she cooks and bakes better than I do, too).
So thanks for the laughs…and surfancing all these memories that will send me to therapy.
I heart Facebook as well! I just added you as a friend AND became a fan. Stalker!
PS: Just downloaded an album I think you’ll like, since you like Ray LaMontagne. Fleet Foxes. Saw them on SNL and now I’m hooked. Hope you like.
julie s. says
My son has been asking for plants lately… just not sure I’m ready to explain the concept of death to him yet! lol… plants and I really don’t get along!
Carolyn of Northern CA says
Cathy, I love your blog. You have inspired me not only to sign up for Facebook but also to create a blog. I’m stuck on a name for the blog. I was thinking something with Martini in it since I love to scrapbook and sip on a Appletini, Pomagranitini and Cosmo. Love to get any ideas from you. You are so witty and I love your style. TIA
That was so hilarious that I called my girlfriend and read the entire thing out loud to her. Thanks for the laugh. Glad to see your smiling again and looking up!
Margy Eastman says
Totally feel your pain, Cathy. My mother-in-law gave me a croton for Mother’s Day last year. It’s kind of the cockroach of houseplants. It’s looking pretty rough next to the patio doors (with the missing trim that sits painted and ready for installation in my garage). Plant has been clinging to life this winter – but with 3 hours of daylight out of 24 what did I expect?
Have a good week!
laugh out loud, wet your pants (nearly) funny.
Tonja Trump says
I am right there with ya..you are in GREAT company! I am so not a green thumb person..and have killed every plant ever brought into my house. I just can’t keep it alive..no matter what it is!!
LOL I thought it was just me that did this to plants as for facebook I was sucked in too it is addictive inthe same way chocolate is – totally not good for me and will make my butt bigger but i can’t help it !!
prosecute the KIDD-KILLERS
Oh…Facebook is the devil…I resisted for so long. Now I’ve even got my husband sucked in. I think I will become a fan of Windex.
Please don’t ever stop posting, you give me a daily dose of belly laugh! I joined facebook about 2 months ago and I know just what you mean about addictive… good luck!
OH dear lord! I say this as tears are streaming down my face! No not tears for the plant but from laughing so hard. its not nice to make someone with an over 50 bladder laugh so hard while she swills her 3rd cup of coffee!Giel youre the best! And I heart cats lide press too! You hooked me onto them last year with your little March Tag book!
Photo-syn-what? I don’t even know what that is! We own one live plant. Somehow it doesn’t die … all others are fake. I am a much happier person now that I don’t have to worry about when to water things, who to trim, and horrors, when to replant. And they look really good too, like the one in this post: http://inthemakingdesign.blogspot.com/2009/01/project-52-week-4.html
Rachel Briggs says
LOL! I cracked up over your interpretation of facebook. It is so true!!! I even quoted you and told the story of my “addiction” on my blog. I will totally miss the SS magazine but glad I found your blog. Am going to FB now to add you as a friend.
Hey Cathy…did you know that you can buy a sensor for your houseplants & then they can “tweet” you on Twitter that they need water? Seriously…for REAL! I just read about it in today’s paper: http://www.baltimoresun.com/features/custom/homegarden/bal-to.botanicalls27jan27,0,6625293.story
What will they think of next?!?
Kim R says
I have one of those lovely patches on my ceiling – I now place a little date on those undone projects – tends to give the dh a little incentive to get r done!!
i thought that the unpainted wall was some homemade paper. do i feel like a dork or what?!
i’m a fan of facebook too. so fun. so wasteful (w/o wasting, either. hm)
Jennifer Larson says
I’m pretty good with plants, and I’d put my vote with the garbage on that last plant.
I’m not a fan of houseplants, either, but I am a fan of Cathy Zielske!
We gave up on plants a long time ago. I do remember the spider plants from college 20 years ago…..
For your music pleasure. And they will be in MNSP Feb 16 –
Take care – RobynS
Tammy M. says
Oh darling…then you don’t want to see my plants…I guess I should finally admit to myself that MY plants are indeed dead…your spiderplant looks like one I’d buy! Mine has only 3 green leaves on it and I’m STILL hoping it comes back.
Kim K says
RobynS!!! Thanks for that link! AWESOME!
June Ferguson says
Nope, not gonna’ do it! I’m not going to re-sign up for Facebook, even though I would love to have you as my friend! FB is such a huge time-suck I just couldn’t handle it anymore! Would you consider being a good old-fashioned e-mail friend?? I am currently reading both of your books and am amazed by how much we have in common. The scrapbook layout where you mention your childhood imaginary horse was almost spooky. I too had an imaginary horse, but mine was named Dotty! Great minds think alike I guess (how original is that??).
June in KS
Lisa Russell says
I’m on facebook (too much) also, and that last plant IS pathetic! Sorry to say…but at least you have REAL plants in your home. We did, and not it is out on the back porch with all of the other sand plants. So sad…I don’t have a green thumb.
Didn’t you know that house plants went out after the 80’s ended? 🙂
Forgot to add that I don’t get FB! It feels a bit like elementary school all over again with requesting to be someone’s friend. LOL!
Corie in Indy says
Oh my gosh. Too funny. I unfortunately relate! My friend just yesterday commented that our poinsettia looked naked. That’s because ALL of the leaves (besides the pretty red ones) fell off because they were completely starved of water. I was kind of hoping it was done with its life (just no room for it right now), but I gave it a little water and wha-la…new leaves are sprouting. Dang. Anyway…had to laugh at the AC spot, too. We’ve lived in our house almost 9 years, and when we first moved in and painted, my husband stopped short of finishing. The only thing left: painting the doors white. He said we could do that “tomorrow.” It’s been nearly 9 years and they have NEVER been painted. It’s an ongoing joke now, but it doesn’t make me happy! And that’s just the start of the half-finished-projects list! Anyway, thanks for the laughs. I absolutely love your blog. I end my day with it when I can. Puts me in a good mood so I don’t go to bed worrying about something stupid. Thanks for the pick-me-up! :o)
You know, I’m the same way. HATE houseplants. So you know what? i don’t have any. Never have. We had to move into our landlord’s house for six months after they were temporarily transferred to Hawaii (poor souls ;). They had us taking care of Audrey… their 15-year-old vine plant that lived on the ceiling of their entry-way. Their only request? DON’T KILL AUDREY! Good thing Audrey is tough to kill. We would water her when we thought about it. And thank the Lord, we thought of it at least once a week…
Anywho… for my 27th birthday (6 months ago on Cole’s birthday), a friend brought me a bamboo plant along with these words, “I hate plants. I’ve always hated plants. But I just feel that every home needs something green. So I’ve brought you a bamboo plant. They’re very hard to kill and always look fresh. It can go weeks without water, so water it when you think of it.” A girl after my own heart. And I love my little bamboo. 🙂 And every other week when I actually *remember* to water it, I smile and thank my friend in my mind. 😀
You. Are. Hilarious.
buy propecia says
I made it where ppl cannot be my fan yet it erased all my previous fans . All I wanted to do was make it where ppl couldn’t add me as a contact . Did i do it right ?