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Missing: have you seen this rear view?

June 10, 2009

Missing: have you seen this rear view?

Mia

I would like to report my former butt as officially missing.

Last seen: April 2006, walking away from my home, along side a laundry basket.

Recent sightings: in fall 2007 it showed up briefly after five months on Weight Watchers, since then, no one has seen hide nor hair of it.

If you have any information at all, please, I'm begging you, leave a comment.

These J Jill jeans have been clinging to the hope they'll see the light of day again for months now.

If you know anything, please report it to the proper local authorities. I don't usually use my blog for political purposes, but sometimes in times like these I am left with no choice.

Thank you.

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Comments

  1. Gayle says

    June 10, 2009 at 8:57 am

    It could very well be hanging out with mine somewhere far far away.

    Reply
  2. Deb says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:02 am

    It is just hiding under that awesome batch of cookies… and maybe a few brownies and a cup or two of ice cream… You could scare it out of hiding with vegetables… or use brute force and enroll in some torture, er I mean exercise, class. Or you could let it hide a while longer and get a tasty coffee treat with whip cream on it! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  3. Dana says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:03 am

    you make me laugh!

    Reply
  4. Cameron says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:06 am

    LOL… I like Deb’s comment. I’m currently trying to scare mine out of hiding with lots and lots of vegetables and some Wii Fit action. AND NO WINE. I don’t necessarily recommend this course of action, but I’m down six pounds so far.

    Reply
  5. karla says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:20 am

    mines not missing, my former butt seems to have invited all of its relatives (cheese, pizza, chocolate, caramel, ice cream, etc.) to come live on my lower back!! wink!

    Reply
  6. Jennifer says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:21 am

    “no one has seen hide nor hair of it”

    First I laughed, then cringed, then a combination laugh/cringe. Now I’m so uncomfortable, I just have to walk away. Figuratively, of course. I can’t really walk away ’cause I’m at work. So I’ll just click away. From your hairy hide.

    Reply
  7. Barb says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:32 am

    CZ, you slay me. *snort*
    Hang in there. I’m sure you’ll find your motivation to get back into those jeans. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  8. Verbena says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:36 am

    I think your skinny side was out there in “La-La-Land” with my skinny side where they hung out together, hoping to come home. Here is a word of hope….with diet and excercise and retirement (i.e., much less stress!!), my skinny side returned home and is now wearing those size 10 favorite jeans. Not to worry….yours WILL return with the proper inducement!

    Reply
  9. Cheri says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Just too damn funny. If I ever had a butt like that, I’d be looking for it too!

    Reply
  10. Tammy Vasser says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Love your blog and these posts just make my day! Your humor is awesome!!!

    Reply
  11. kim says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:47 am

    i am missing my former butt as well! not to mention that my former tummy has been replaced by a muffin top and then some! i’m thinking that hittin’ the big 4-0 has nearly sent me over the edge………

    Reply
  12. bobbie says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:49 am

    I’ll keep an eye out for it!!!
    And I agree about Stevie-baby… man, do I wish he would record something!!!

    Reply
  13. Jingle says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:59 am

    *Take those jeans out of the closet.
    *Decorate a hanger all cute to match them.
    *Hang in a prominent place that you see regularly.
    *Continue to work toward that goal.
    *Following these steps will lead to the return of your former butt. In the meantime, it will be held hostage in order to prevent it from finding more Hostess Cupcakes.

    Reply
  14. kelli says

    June 10, 2009 at 10:12 am

    Haven’t seen it but if you buy new larger jeans, you might forget about it. That’s what I do.

    Reply
  15. Ann Grounds says

    June 10, 2009 at 10:24 am

    You might want to ask Betty Crocker or was it Duncan Hines?? I think they have something to do with it.

    Reply
  16. Jan C. says

    June 10, 2009 at 10:29 am

    If you had it once, you can have it again.

    Try “Callanetics” to go along with your diet. It’s an exercise program from the 80s that works wonders, if you can get past the fact that the leader is wearing a leotard, tights, and leg warmers, that is. Good for a laugh while you are dying from exertion trying to do the leg lifts and such.

    Reply
  17. AmyH says

    June 10, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Mine disappeared around the same time as yours. Statistics show that the longer a nice butt is missing, the less likely it is to be found again. We’re still holding out hope.

    Reply
  18. Laura A. says

    June 10, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Hang in there, Cathy!
    I went back to Weight Watchers in January, after becoming a life time member in 2000, and two failed return trips in between then and now. It has been painfully slow, but I have finally lost 9 lbs (I lose a little, then seem to celebrate my loss by gaining all or part of it back!) Stick with it…we are in this for the long haul, and we will both succeed!

    Reply
  19. JennieB says

    June 10, 2009 at 10:39 am

    What a coincidence, mine went missing too; years ago. Then I found it. It had slipped down into my thighs:] Of course, I’m old enough to be your mother. Take heart, CZ, I know you’ll find it.

    Reply
  20. Paulette says

    June 10, 2009 at 11:01 am

    My butt had been MIA off & on for over 45 years…every once in awhile it comes home to visit…At my age, drastci changes were in order…I found something that works for me. Clean Eating…the only thing I don’t pay attention to is Canadian beer & “the captain”… so far 24 lbs & no cravings… I can’t tell you how easy it was after the first week… a little exercise helps too… the food giants have set us up for failure, oh yes they have… Happy day you sweet thing!

    Reply
  21. AnnieB says

    June 10, 2009 at 11:12 am

    “hide nor hair” I just spewed oj all over my computer screen.

    Reply
  22. Madeline St Onge says

    June 10, 2009 at 11:43 am

    You are too funny. You are also lucky to have ever had a butt like that. I did maybe when I 5 tears old but not since.

    Reply
  23. allison Gottlieb says

    June 10, 2009 at 11:55 am

    I had a missing butt as well. I reported it, had a sketch drawn of what it would look like now, and lo and behold – it was right where I left it, attached to me…just a BIT bigger. Oh well.

    Reply
  24. Brenda says

    June 10, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    LOL!! I believe it may be hiding somewhere along with mine which has been missing for about a year due to cheese, brownies, cookies, chips and chocolate martinis!!

    Reply
  25. Annemarie says

    June 10, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    Mine went missing until we added a golden retriever to the family. It is very hard to say no to those brown eyes when they want to go for a walk. A tired puppy is a good puppy!! Lots of walking needed.

    Reply
  26. Robyn says

    June 10, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    It sounds like a lot of rear views are off on vacation together…mine included….

    Please send my rear view home…I am really starting to miss it…..

    Reply
  27. Ann says

    June 10, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    Mine ran away when I married my husband five years ago. Must of thought I no longer needed to look good.

    Reply
  28. cindy b. says

    June 10, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    LOL. This cracked me up! As someone who is trying to get into my ‘dream jeans’ I can relate…perhaps your butt is the same place as everyone else’s – hanging on some beach drinking margaritas by the sea.. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  29. Karen Ellsworth says

    June 10, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    I’m reading “the pH miracle” by Robert Young. I think he’s onto something…good luck, I’m in the same boat. I guess its becoming a heavy boat…

    Reply
  30. cynthia says

    June 10, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Oh my you will get it back:) looooooooooove this post. I am doing weight watchers again. after about 5 years ago. trying the on-line version. so, my own behind friend will return:)

    Reply
  31. Joy M. says

    June 10, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Oh, so THAT’S what happened! Yours joined up with mine and I’m now carrying BOTH around. #$#@#$! You can have YOURS back at any time, Cathy. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  32. Catherine says

    June 10, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    It’s partying with mine….probably in Hawaii somewhere.

    Reply
  33. Rita says

    June 10, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    Aw come on ~ you could be jiggling it at your local ….

    … signed by you know who – your least favorite stalker! (just trying to help) πŸ™‚

    Reply
  34. Rita says

    June 10, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    STEP away from your desk – do 10 squats – repeat 3x…

    (gotta say – it was a good looking butt ….)

    Reply
  35. Marci G says

    June 10, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Mine called the other day to tell me to get on the treadmill…

    Reply
  36. dan zielske says

    June 10, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    I don’t seem to recall why you were taking clean laundry out the front door. Was that when we did that clothing exchange where everyone had to wear the clothes of the people two doors down? Remember how Larry’s pants looked like culottes on me?

    Reply
  37. miley says

    June 10, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    I’m thinking that the jeans are somehow the culprit..because Cathy, I too have lost my rear, and have these SAME jeans. (J Jill overpriced jeans how I used to love thee)I personally think there is some weird Elizabeth Smart style abduction that has occured, and the jeans are the crazy abductor. Somewhere is a desolate area the jeans are feeding my ass ho-hos and corn chips, and fried food..and keeping it stockholm syndromed into believing that it is living the life o-reilly. That’s my conspiracy theory for the jeans. Plus..the jeans? They won’t look me in the eye anymore when I pick them up in the closet. They just sheepishly turn away and jump back into the bin with all the other size medium clothes. So yes, I blame the jeans. Miley

    Reply
  38. Marlene Moore says

    June 10, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    I am sure that it has lots of friends wherever it is…
    I think my stomach is with it πŸ™‚

    Reply
  39. EmmaJ says

    June 10, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    I think it is vacationing with my missing stomach and behind and they packed a few single socks from my laundry.

    Reply
  40. Robyn says

    June 10, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    Are you sure you are not a Comedian? When you go on tour let me know I will be first in line for Tickets!!

    Reply
  41. Linda says

    June 10, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Thanks for the laugh Cathy!!

    Reply
  42. Laura Lee says

    June 10, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    uhm, I believe it is next to mine…although mine has been gone since Jan 2002. I gave up the coffin nails though..so we do have something in common!
    Hugs and hang in there…just buy a bigger pair of J jeans! LOL

    Reply
  43. akbuilt says

    June 10, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Have you seen the newest special issue of Oxygen magazine? It’s dedicated to glutes and has some excellent (and simple) home workouts to help you find your butt. Just skip over the super sacry looking “Figure Models” (ewwwww.) and do some squats and lunges.

    P.S. I was going to post about how funny and cute you were but everyone else already did that so threw out a suggestion to spice things up.

    Reply
  44. alexa says

    June 10, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    And is that the famous orange sweatshirt keeping it company? Intrigued to know why you were heading out with the laundry … πŸ™‚

    Reply
  45. Barbie Schwartz says

    June 10, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    Ha. I recently discovered my SIZE ZERO Guess jeans in my attic. Yeah, like my ass will ever fit into those again…that was 22 years ago.

    Reply
  46. Barbara says

    June 10, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    Too funny Cathy

    Reply
  47. Chrissy L says

    June 10, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    Just stumbled on your blog today. This is too funny … only because I can relate. Here’s my official APB for my butt AND my former waistline. I swear I will go to the gym tomorrow…

    Reply
  48. Susy says

    June 10, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Pretty sure I spotted it driving along the coast in a red Ferrari.

    Reply
  49. Giorgi says

    June 10, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    You crack me up Cathy!! You need to be writing a column in magazines, just love reading your blog.

    Reply
  50. Christine F. says

    June 10, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    Get thee a personal trainer! I am hoping that mine helps me uncover the small butt that I know is hiding in there.

    Good luck!

    Reply
  51. Kathleen S. says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    It’s retired. Got a more spacious compensation package. No more tight fits, no more memos on reducing overhang, no more watching the point spread. Let J.J. down gently. Her former pal’s taken off for larger quarters.

    Reply
  52. Jenny in Illinois says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    I feel your pain. if you find it, ask if it’s seen mine

    Reply
  53. Lee i. says

    June 10, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    LOL just reading your post and readers’ comments. thank you for making my day.

    Reply
  54. Tara says

    June 10, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    If you find yours, please interrogate it so that I might just find mine. I have been missing mine for a while. I started to think it was coming back months ago when I was on WW, but since I have stopped (due to finances) my good derriere has taken off and is most likely on the lam with yours.

    Good luck…

    Reply
  55. Kathy F says

    June 10, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    My Beautiful, Sweet Ass has been missing for 10+ years now….I am thinking of contacting America’s Most Wanted! πŸ˜‰
    Love your post, Cath! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  56. Veronica says

    June 10, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    I think your butt ran away with my abs!!!!! We need to put a missing parts police report!!!

    Reply
  57. Margy Eastman says

    June 11, 2009 at 3:17 am

    At least you have a photo to remember your skinny butt by…I think the last time my rear was that small I was in the 5th grade. Oh, and cute jeans!

    Reply
  58. Maria says

    June 11, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    THE best, funniest, coolest blog entry EVER! πŸ˜€

    I am in search of certain rear view I managed to lose, too. Is there a place they like to go in hiding?

    Those darn cookies and pies, cakes…if I could only forget about them all! Sigh.

    Reply
  59. Donna says

    June 11, 2009 at 3:13 pm

    Oh Cathy you crack me up. I think your butt must be hiding in the same place as mine.

    Reply
  60. Angi says

    June 11, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Can you stand hearing it one more time? Love this post!

    Reply
  61. JulieP says

    June 11, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    You go girl!!!

    Reply
  62. Caroline C. says

    June 14, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    I think your butt must be vacationing with mine somewhere sexy – one of those “thongs encouraged” beaches in South America!

    Reply
  63. Jill says

    June 15, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    Besides the fact that this is another hysterical post. . .if indeed you ever do get WWerly motivated (serious here), please share the secret (to your motivation) mine is lost and while I haven’t totally come undone, I could spend a few less a.m. hrs. clothes hunting if 10 or so would vanish from the hinter regions

    Reply
  64. Tammy-Cricket says

    June 17, 2009 at 9:29 am

    When you find your butt maybe you might find mine also. Over the past couple of years mine has popped up here and there only to go back into hiding. Recently, I had one as much as 3 months ago and it too is slowly going into hiding.

    I wish I had all the answers as to the “why” is it is so hard to find it, keep it, and just leave it alone. I think it was happy right where it belongs.

    I can totally relate! At least I take comfort that there are more missing in action other than mine. πŸ™

    Reply
  65. JoLynn says

    June 20, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    It’s on vacation with my stomach and thighs. They call every now and then to torment me…

    Reply

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