So where was I? (more true life tales from the scale)

Cathy ZielskeCZ Life190 Comments


Oh yes, I was in yoga pants…

It's been many moons since I blogged about my victories (and tribulations) as they related to all manner of chub and bathroom scale issues. Maybe because the last time I did, one of my blog readers said, "Um, Cathy, no offense, but why don't you start DOING something about it, instead of just whining about it?"

And while part of me wanted to say, "Hi. Have you MET me?" instead, I thought: "Touché, my dear. Touché."

And try things I did!

I first tried the infamous Cabbage Soup Diet. Mmmm. That was special. I recall with fondness Day 4—the banana and milk day. All the milk and bananas you can ingest! Great, if you happen to like them. Nightmarish if the smell of banana makes  you nauseous and you haven't sipped milk willingly since the age of 12.

My main goal with the CSD cleanse was simply to get off the Reeses Peanut Butter cups. You know, get that sugar monkey off my back, and for a while, it worked like a charm. I actually loved the soup and maybe dropped three pounds. The best part? I abstained from Reeses Peanut Butter cups for a whole two weeks!

Then I tried moderation.

Then I tried exercise. You know, get up early, hop on the treadmill every morning. Do a simple weight lifting routine every other day.

Now I say "tried" exercise because I didn't exactly stick to it like I have during past weight loss campaigns. I sampled it. I went to a wine tasting, if you will, of exercise. I had myself an amuse bouche of exercise.

Then for a number of weeks, I just chubbed, I mean chugged along, just eating what I damn well pleased, thank you very much. This approach works just fine until you realize you have to go out in public to places where people you know are, and nothing in your closet fits.

Long story short: the switch just hasn't flipped for me yet.

I'm a switch person. What this means, is when the switch is flipped to the ON position, I am the most focused person you'll ever meet. Nothing can stand in the way of me and my goal. When the switch is in the OFF position, well… that's where the yoga pants come into play.

I'm black and white. There's sadly almost no room for any gray in my life. Never has been, and even with copious amounts of intensive therapy, there probably never will be.

The other problem I have truly accepting that this is a life-long effort. I won't simply drop 20 pounds and stay there magically without constant mindfulness. I've done this before. Lost weight and celebrated by eating again…the cruelest of oxymorons really. I need to accept that I have to make substantive and permanent changes.

I have an addictive personality. For half my life, it was cigarettes. Now, it's food.

I was recently explaining to Dan that the difference between kicking a smoking habit and kicking a food habit is this: you HAVE to eat. You don't HAVE to smoke. Most people, when they quit smoking, or drinking booze… they know they can't dabble in it. Not once, or they're off the wagon. But with food, you have to use it every single day. Think about it. You have to carefully dabble in something you have a difficult time handling in the first place. Every. Single. Day.

I know what has to be done and I understand what I have to do to make it so. So no whining today. My eyes are open and I'm taking it one day at a time.

And I'm not embarrassed to say yoga pants are my friend.

Just sharing a bit of the journey with you.

Cathy ZielskeSo where was I? (more true life tales from the scale)

190 Comments on “So where was I? (more true life tales from the scale)”

  1. #1

    I could have written this post – in fact, I have written this post, but just in my head, never in my blog.

    I have been struggling for longer than I can bear to admit with this demon . . .

    Perhaps we can lend one another support.


  2. #2

    Easy to say stop whining and do something about it, but from one yoga pant girl to another I thoroughly sympathise with you. In fact you have described me to a tee. I am taking grace in knowing I am not the only one!!!

  3. #3

    Well… is a lot better choice than cigarettes! Too bad food is soooooo good especially the chocolate kind!

  4. #4

    Gotta agree with Ann…I could have written this post too. I love you anyway you are – it’s not about the size, it’s about the heart and THAT I know is a generous size! Plus Chippie could care less what you look like!

  5. #5
    Teresa Cotterman

    Thanks for sharing. It is as if we are of one mind. My issue isn’t losing 20 pounds…it’s 100! I do really well for awhile, I’ve lost 40, then life gets in the way. I am a die hard Weight Watcher fan, but lately I feel left out of the fun and then begins the feeding frenzy. Thanks again for sharing. Truly is nice to know that no matter how much you need to lose, we really are in this salad bar line together.

  6. #6

    Hi Cathy. It doesn’t change, no matter where you are in the world. I’m here in Australia, garnering inspiration from your life, and the fact that I can see America through your eyes 🙂 I know it’s hard and I completely understand. Keep at it, do not give up. We’re right behind you …

  7. #8
    Rosslyn Weigelt

    LOVE your blatant truth-telling! I too am a no gray, hit the switch to on, yoga pants wearer! I go places early in the morning where the squirrels ALWAYS have more energy than I (in hopes of tackling the sugar monkeys on my back)! One day at a time is PERFECT!
    Enjoy today….you do not journey alone!

  8. #9

    Cathy, you are describing ME. Wow, just substitute Laurie for Cathy and M&Ms for peanut butter cups, and the description would fit me perfectly. I like your explanation of the “switch”. I hadn’t thought about it, but that’s it. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good fight.

  9. #10
    Deb Zorn

    Why does food have to taste so good? My husband, who is tall and thin, was recently diagnosed with diabetes. We have drastically changed our way of eating. Well, he has. He has lost 12 pounds. I eat much better, only problem is, I cheat, when he’s not around! I finished my chocolate stash yesterday. So, we’ll see if I can start loosing, too. Here’s to the weight loss reveal in spring! 🙂

  10. #11

    Cathy, what you wrote today could have been my own blog post, almost word for word. I have a sugar addiction. I am an all or nothing person. I have used that smoking/drinking vs. eating analogy for years. The switch is definitely OFF right now and I’m at a loss as to how to turn it back on. I keep buying WW Season Passes, but it is too easy for me to just skip a week if I don’t like what the scale says. Oh… and I’ve just started having hot flashes, not that it has anything to do with my weight, but any excuse, you know. I guess until I want to be healthy more than I want my sugar fix, this is life. It’s a head game.

  11. #12
    Angie F

    I love yoga pants and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups! Battling myself everyday about what I eat!!

  12. #14
    Kim Jones

    This is me. Totally. I keep saying that when I finally want to bad enough – I will – but I like the switch analogy even better. Good luck finding the switch and thanks for helping me know I’m not alone, sitting here in my Yoga pants!

  13. #15
    Michelle (from KY)

    Cathy, I love your honesty (and humor)! I am too searching for my switch. Maybe we will find it together? I dabble in dieting, recently signing up for online Weight Watchers, hoping a little structure will help focus me.

    Here goes, for really all we can do is try again, huh?

    Have a great day! You can do it!!

  14. #16

    Cathy, you bring tears to my eyes because this is SO TRUE…for many of us! The only thing keeping me at a healthy weight and not eating everything in sight is because my genetics say it’s very easy for me to get diabetes or heart disease. Seriously. The fear of not fitting into my clothes is not my biggest fear anymore…which truly does scare me. So every time I want more ice cream or more cookies, I remember I may need a shot of insulin with those treats some day.

  15. #18

    I’d gladly trade you whatever desirable body part of mine you like (my waiflike wrists?) for your long legs and lack of thunderous thighs.

    I’ve been off the wagon since I left my uber-vegan/eco-friendly ex-husband. The day I moved out, I bought myself some extra thick bacon and a bottle of Tide. I may have quite a few extra pounds – but at least my clothing smells fresh!

  16. #19

    I had a salad today! Er, with too much feta. And… I had like 3 spoons of leftover caramel roll caramel for breakfast. (I think the PW website was one of the best/worst discoveries I’ve made this year!)
    I keep telling myself that I walk a lot every day so I’ll be ok… but I can see Christmas cookies on the horizon.
    We’re all in this together.

  17. #20

    You are my hero. :o) Like so many of the other commenters said, the words you wrote could have come directly from my mouth. I want to be thin & healthy so much it hurts, but my switch for exercise and diet hasn’t been turned to “on” yet either. Yet when I compare myself now to a year ago, I’ve made some small (yet amazing) changes. I am more mindful of what I’m eating. Even though I still eat things that I know are keeping me fat and will eventually need to be cut out completely if I want to live long, I have also incorporated things I never ate before. Healthy things….fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, etc. And even though I’m lazy 99% of the time, I have managed to work out a few times in the past couple months. Not consistantly, and not enough to make a difference, but it’s something. It’s just so hard to be proud of those things when they don’t seem to make any difference until I do them regularly. And even then it will take months if not years before I look different and feel better.
    But worse than those struggles is feeling like it all comes easily to everyone else, and that I’m alone in struggling. But everytime you talk about YOUR struggles, I feel like I’m not a failure. And the way you write never sounds like whining to me. Of course we should all shut up and do something about it. But obviously not all of us do or there’d be no one with these problems. So please know that your posts, whether you are “doing something about it” or just still “whining”, really help me and make my stuggles easier.
    Sorry I wrote so much!

  18. #21

    Oh yes! As with the other commentors, this post could have been from me also. I have been blaming my weight on my desk job and mental tiredness the last few years. Well, I quit my job a month ago and assumed it would get better because I am at home. I have more time, energy, I can eat better, blah, blah, blah…Ha! Not happening! In fact, I think I gained a couple more pounds! I blame that on the yoga pants! They are so comfy and they fit!! Then I put on my jeans and can’t get them zipped! Crap! It’s hard for me too because my hubby is skinny and has a high metabolism, so he can eat anything. I want to eat healthier, more diet type food, but he still wants spaghetti and cheeseburgers, etc. I don’t know what to do some days. Cook two meals? Make him eat diet food? I don’t know. Anyway, sorry about the long rambling here. Good luck to you Cathy!

  19. #22

    Um, how did you get in my head?
    My belief is whatever you want “more”,
    will in effect happen.
    Just because you want to be thin & healthy…
    you really kind of want that Reeces PB Cup “more”
    And when I say you, I TOTALLY mean me.

  20. #23

    another shout from the amen corner. i keep telling myself it will get better when i’m not feeding children every day (high school athletes, mind you, told to comsume 6,000 calories a day!!) but i know it’s just a decision on my part. one i only make correctly about half the time. here’s to finding the switch. *raising glass of water*

  21. #24
    Melissa Miller

    Oh Cathy…we are on the same page. Reese’s is my weakness. My hubby knows if he is in trouble Reese’s makes it allll better… I’ve got to tell you, recently I joined a gym. I don’t know if they have a Lifetime Fitness in MN but here in Omaha it is wonderful. I’m not sure what they are pumping through the air but it smells so dang good when you walk in the door. After a workout, you can go relax in the hot tub. I have had several pieces of excersise equipment (clothes hangers)in my house but love going to this gym. I have lost about 10 pounds in the last four months (still loving my PB Cups in moderation). I have also recently (1 game) joined an over 30 indoor soccer team. Let me tell you, that will kick your butt. Is so worth every ache and pain.
    Just thought I’d let you know what is working for me.

  22. #25
    Kim Holmes

    Add me to the club—- we could let your post be our mission statement — since it fits us all to the tee. I know HOW to shed the 25 pounds — I’ve even hit “lifetime” with WW in the past. Though the weight is all back on — and I can’t blame it on the 5 children anymore. 🙁 My switch seems to be shorted out —everytime I switch it on, it blows the fuse and turns back off!

  23. #26

    My yoga pants are not my friends anymore, the elastic seems to have shrunk. I think I’ll have another piece of cake while I try to figure out how to stop the elastic from shrinking.

  24. #27
    Betty C

    Did you climb into my head and rummage around for info before you wrote this post? This is so my story. Really looking for the switch right now but can’t seem to find it. I wish us both well on the quest.

  25. #28

    This is your blog. You can whine if you want to. And most of us can totally identify. If it is not food it is something else. It is good to hear from someone who is real. That it is not always easy. That it can be a yo-yo. Keep on talking-and whining when necessary.

  26. #29
    Shannon Coyne

    So with you on the black and white….if I am focused then I can accomplish just about anything…..and again with you can’t live without food….so you have to make correct choices….which if you aren’t focused doesn’t happen…..thanks Cathy for keeping it real……

  27. #30
    Michelle in Texas

    Amen, sister! What has kicked my butt into gear is I was diagnosed with diabetes 3 weeks ago. What a wake up call! It scares me, but it’s not a big surprise, since my mom AND dad have type 2 diabetes, but jeez, I’m just 41 and not THAT much overweight! Learning a new eating lifestyle is SO hard. But thinking of shots to come if I don’t do something NOW is a powerful motivator. Knowing I’m not alone in the struggle is a huge help. Keep sharing and supporting us out in the blogosphere, and we’ll keep commenting and supporting YOU!

  28. #32

    I am there with you on the addiction all the way. It is so tough to moderate. It would be easier to go cold turkey, but we can’t! We are not alone and we CAN do it!

  29. #34

    oh god, cathy! i could have written this! except my yoga pants dont even fit so i lounge about in the house in PJ bottoms and “real” tops! so when I go out I have to squash into my jeans which are just pain inflictors! I also am not in the “ON” position either, not even with my wedding coming up very soon! I am gutted! I have chubster arms 🙁 good luck. its an absolute nitemare x

  30. #35

    My sister has had great success with the South Beach diet. I lost 10, but am kind of stuck there (my own fault). The first 2 weeks are yucky–except if you plan ahead (PB and celery were a good friend). However, it really made me look at food differently.

    Good luck!

  31. #37
    Alis in Wnderlnd

    Cathy, PLEASE check out or Lea Cabrera, Ana Cabrera’s (another scrapbooking goddess) sister runs hcgboutique.

    I SWEAR by this diet and I have lost 16 pounds and a TON of inches…I can now pull my pants down without unsnapping or zipping! Okay, kidding aside, it really does work. It resets your hypothalamus. I havne’t been hungry one iota, and I feel better than I have ever felt…ever!

    I have zero connection with these site. I’m just sharing what has worked for me. I need to lose another 35 pounds and will start my next round right after Christmas.

  32. #39

    Could have been me writing this post 🙂 I stopped smoking and alcohol – though it was hard – its easier to have an all-or-nothing approach to it. Food has taken over as my new addiction and the increased waistline proves it. And as you rightly say – you can’t stop eating. I have to learn moderation and up to now I’ve faled but I fight on – so thanks for Sharing Cathy. Lovely reading everyones comments and know its not just me 🙂 Pxx

  33. #40

    Cathy–I love your blog! It is so real! I agree with what you are saying and especially the part about the light switch. I, too, am an on or off person, but had never thought of it quite that way until I read your words. I, too, am overweight and recently decided to make working out a priority for a variety of reasons, which include looking and feeling better, but also to be a positive role model to my children. This is my 10th week working out with cardio 6x/week and weights 2-3 times/week. I have lost 12 pounds, but still have another 12 to go. Then the battle really begins to maintain my ideal weight. I tried a modified Body for Life approach–it’s simple to follow so you might check it out. Plus you get 1 free day a week to eat whatever you want (mmm Reese’s peanut butter cups) Bottom line: I’m live to eat person but am trying to be a eat to live person.

  34. #41

    I know you’ve heard “try this” and “try that”, but I’ll tell you what worked for me. It sounds hokey and silly, but Jazzercise entered my life and I haven’t looked back. I still have issues with food. (I can’t stop eating either.) At least with Jazzercise, I am no longer growing out of ALL of my clothes. Just some of them. Yoga pants are my friend as well. Thanks for sharing your journey. Sometimes typing it out helps the switch flip.

  35. #42
    Judy Sanza


    I laughed so hard at your comment I nearly fell off my chair right onto my pug (dog that is)! I am sitting here in an extra large t-shirt and some rather spiffy (large) plaid pj pants…comfy and looks good!

    Thanks again for the laugh today!

  36. #43
    Jennifer M.

    I know how you feel…I’ve spent the last 6 months watching what I ate and as a consequence I’ve lost almost 30 pounds. I didn’t do a special diet, didn’t take any pills…I just watched what I ate and made a few changes. It’s hard, but you’ll get there.

  37. #44

    as i get older, i’m realizing more and more this is the case for me, as well. i’d like to just keep eating the same stuff, but the truth is that i hate exercise with a PASSION, and so that makes it hard to keep fitting into my jeans when i’m still eating like i did when i was 23.

    i wish there was a simple solution that was still healthy, some way to change my habits and personality traits so that i would want to get on a treadmill, but there isn’t. that i’ve found yet, anyhow.

    it’s good to hear someone open up about their personal struggles – makes me feel less alone.

  38. #45

    I, too, could have written your post but without so much humor. And as far as flipping the Switch, that is a great observation! I can’t even FIND the damn switch so it’s going to be awhile for me but I vow that I am going to get there.
    Take care Cathy and keep the tales coming — we all need to know we are not alone in this. Sometimes just talking about my non motivation – gets me motivated, a little. : )

  39. #46

    Oh Cathy…were you listening in on my phone coversation with my BFF??? We just talked about these very same things moments before I read your entry. As with many of the other women, this post is EXACTLY me! I lost 43 lbs. (of the 100 I need to lose) on WW last year and then life happens and 41 lbs. of it came running home! I forced myself back to a couple of WW meetings last month but it’s not clicking! It’s just like you said, I need the switch to be flipped too and for whatever reason, it’s not flipping! You are right about the food…I would be okay if I could never bring the enemy into the house, or never step foot in a restaurant or never have to celebrate a holiday, birthday or anniversary with family and friends or didn’t have to feed my family. Life revolves around food…not to mention it’s a necessity! Oh, and to top it all off for me, my 8 year old daughter hasn’t gained weight in over a year. We have her on a weight GAIN plan. Ya! Can you believe it? We even have a weight gain chart on our refrigerator for her. Wouldn’t you love that chart for yourself? I know I would! Ugh! It’s such a frustrating battle! I’m not happy to know you and everyone else shares in my battle but I am happy to know that I’m not alone. Now excuse me while I go find that secret stash of Reeses that I have hidden from the family…thanks for reminding me about them!;)

  40. #48

    CZ – my doctor recently said to me, “Please take care of yourself for your grandchildren. They want you around for a long time”. Now, I’m passing it on to you. Just substitute in Aidan and Cole! Enough said! You CAN do it.

  41. #49
    Melanie K.

    We are exactly alike. The switch hasn’t flipped for me yet either. Three years ago I dropped 60 lbs without even a pang (WW, yes). Then immediately got pregnant with my third (AND LAST) child. I now need to lose 50 lbs … or so. Hubby keeps asking, “aren’t you on a diet?” I can’t type here what I say back 🙂
    Let me know what you do to flip the switch. Please.

  42. #50

    Kristen, i think it’s very few people who it comes easy for. I have this very thin friend who told me she is consumed with the thought of food. She loves food. There are so many of us that do have to work, thin, or not so thin. : )

  43. #51

    We do have Lifetime. It’s based here in MN! : )

    Good for you for getting out there and playing soccer. My hubby plays and it kicks his butt too!

  44. #57

    So let’s face it – yoga pants ROCK! The problem with “watching what you eat” is that it sucks all the FUN out of life! Years ago, I dieted down to a size 10 – it involved NEVER having dessert or anything I really loved to eat. Chocolate tastes good, pizza tastes good, ice cream tastes really good… so if all I can eat is rabbit food, where is the fun in that??? As soon as I broke the diet and ate what I liked, the weight when right back on. So until I learn to love the taste of rabbit food (ugh) I’m going to have to learn to be happy where I’m at … size 14… wearing my yoga pants. Thanks for being so real Cathy.

  45. #58

    Girl, I sooooo wish I could understand why I can’t turn my switch on, also. Thanks for blogging about this – I don’t feel so negative about myself.

  46. #59
    Debbie Wearn

    Since you are familiar with Weight Watchers, are you also familiar with She has a great email blast that keeps you focused with great products,recipes and tips. I also have her “200 under 200” recipe book which I love. Thanks to her I’m slowly learning how to make better food choices which I actually enjoy eating! Her whole philosophy is that it has to taste good!

  47. #60

    Twenty pounds… in the last five years I have lost and regained that same twenty pounds at least three times. I am (for the moment) in the switch on position and have lost that same twenty pounds. Again. But it’s that lifelong mindfulness that I have trouble with. I know how to *lose* weight, and when I set my mind to it, I can. What I can’t seem to get a handle on, is how to *maintain* my weight once I get there. And I’m at that scary place now. Losing weight (for me) is an understandable, attainable goal. Maintaining a consistent, healthy weight, my ideal weight, is this amorphous, troublesome goal that I can’t pin down. I’m thinkin’ good thoughts for you Cathy. And hoping that maybe *this* time is the time I figure it out and keep it off. Good Luck!

  48. #61

    The trouble with a “lifestyle change” is that it changes your lifestyle…and darn if that is just seriouly no fun.

    I eat SO WELL when I’m pregnant. I tell myself that I’m totally responsible for the life of another human being and so its easy to do the right thing for that helpless little fetus. But if I follow my own logic out to its natural end – HELLO that means when I’m NOT pregnant, I’m NOT rsponsible for a human life – like…MINE? Serious HOLY CRAP moment…

    So that is where I’m at…Learning to be as responsible and thoghtful about caring for myself as I am when caring for my kids, and asking myself every day, “Do you want to be healed of this?” Cuz if the answer is a serious yes, there is no “easy” button.

  49. #62
    Sara G

    Thanks for sharing your journey. I also struggle with my weight. For me, Weight Watchers Online with the support of two friends is working. I still have a long way to go. I have to avoid certain foods (french fries) and am struggling with others (pizza & ice cream). I think that it is about finding what works for you and loving yourself through the process.

  50. #63

    Like so many others, I feel like I could have written your post. As an ex-smoker myself, I have often wished I could quit eating cold turkey as I did smoking. I am also an all or nothing type and I honestly don’t know what to do about it. Let me know when you figure it out, OK?

  51. #64

    I have discovered peace – probably temporary – but for now – I have made peace with my big butt and giant tummy. I, too am a yo-yo dieter – successfully losing 50 lbs only to gain back 70. I have realized that I only want to lose weight because I think I should – it’s the “right” thing to do – right? But, I don’t want to do any of those things that come along with losing it – like not eating! So I realized I really don’t want to lose weight. I’m pretty happy with the way I am – so I bought some new clothes that fit. I have some annoying “health” things to deal with as a result of my weight – like the nasty plantir fascitis (sp?) – but I’ll deal with that as it comes. My husband likes me fat – I’m tired of making myself wrong for everything that goes in my mouth. Fat, dumb and happy works for me – Ok, dumb doesn’t really work – but that’s part of the saying!

  52. #65

    “The trouble with a “lifestyle change” is that it changes your lifestyle…and darn if that is just seriouly no fun.”

    what a perfect thought!! I’ve done it myself, with WW, then put it all back on, and then some. I have out of whack cholesterol levels, a family history of heart problems, just had a run in with low blood sugar (numbness in my arm, slurred speech- it was either extremely low blood sugar or stroke-related… I choose to believe it was blood sugar.)

    I just don’t know why, in my mind, it’s so hard to take care of myself, but I’m so quick to take care of everyone else.

  53. #66

    I am the same way, I had to sign myself up for a half-marathon just to stay in some kind of fitness routine. I didn’t want to waste my registration fee! 😛 But I just run so I can justify eating a ton, not wise but this is a slow process for me.

  54. #67

    Amen Sister! And I feel your pain. My world is black and white – with maybe some red thrown in on those really exciting occasions.

    HUGS to you!

  55. #68
    Kim H.

    I visualize myself every single morning getting up and running a couple of miles and lifting weights to tone and firm my body! I do! Every. Single. Day. But visualization isn’t making the pounds come off damn-it-all-to-hell! (Excuse my cuss words!) I want the ON switch to come on for me too, so that I’m actually physically doing the exercise Every. Single. Day! 🙂

  56. #70

    Girl….you are singing my tune. I am exactly the same way as you. Great analogy about smoking v eating.

  57. #71
    Korey Lindberg

    I have luckily had the light switch turn on for me recently! 😀 I found a great workout DVD called Jillian Michaels 30-day shred. It’s fantastic…all you need is 20 minutes and some hand weights (or soup cans) and you’re good to go!!! I’ve been using it for 13 days in a row now and do not feel like giving it up. It’s AWESOME!!!

    A friend of mine made a comment not too long ago that has stayed with me…Food is Fuel; the thought always pops into my head whenever I go for another snack!! ;D

  58. #72

    OMG. You just described me. That was me with Weight Watchers. I talked and talked and ate what I wanted….then, the switch. Wow. That was easy to lose 30 lbs. (The switch flipped, and I was major focused.) My switch has since flipped the other way, I have gained a few pounds and not hit my goal. Ok, fine, I’m still lighter than before, right? But I love to eat. I love baking. I love bacon too. Chicken wings, pizza….I’ve been able to keep things from getting out of hand, but I need my switch to flip back so that I can hit that goal. Cathy, I rather enjoy hearing your rants. It makes the rest of us realize that we’re all in this together.

  59. #73

    AMEN!!! In my lifelong weight battle, I’ve have always said that. It’s an addiction! And unlike other addictions you can’t cut it out of your life! I also have yet to win my battle. 🙁

  60. #74

    Good luck, Cathy! My thoughts are with you. Trying to lose 20 pounds to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight which was 10 pounds more than I wanted to weigh to begin with. Sigh.

  61. #75
    Kim Sonksen

    Dude, don’t worry about it. I know what you mean about the switch. For two years I have been eating what i wanted and knowingly put on shiatload of pounds and then all of a sudden it was “bang” I had enough, I want to live healthy again.

    So, for five months I loved healthy and exercised regular until I hit THE plateau (we all know it – it’s a biatch and it will always show up without fail at some stage, trying to trip us up). But this time I was prepared – I used Slim Xtreme capsules and they do kickstart your weightloss again. Without them I would have fallen back into the vicious cycle of “what’s the point”. Now, I am still eating healthy, still exercising but also not worrying if I put a few pounds back on as I know now how to quickly get back on track. If you don’t abuse them but use them as a supplement tool, they are the best. Even my mother in law who hasn’t been able to shift any weight due to the pills she has to take, was able to lose 7lbs within two weeks.

    i am not affiliated with that product, I just LOVE how it helped me

  62. #78

    I like WW Online too. That’s been one of the most workable things to try. I’m actually thinking of rejoining next week. But i’ve been saying that for a few months now. ; )

  63. #79

    Melissa, i like your attitude. I just want to feel good in my skin. For me, it doesn’t mean skinny, just a little less than what I’ve got now.

  64. #82

    And thank you for sharing; for keeping it real. I for one enjoy that about you. So how did you kick the smoking addiction? I grew up around it and started when I began driving at 16. I’ve quit for a year or so at a time but it is my addiction of choice. Feels like it always will be. But I don’t want that for my kids. They are 3 now. I keep saying if I quit now maybe they’ll never remember it. Cause I know it’s gross and smelly. 🙁

  65. #83
    heather (h2)

    CZ-no advice for ya. Just expressing that I am confident that you will succeed once your switch flips.

  66. #84

    Love your honesty & up-front attitude, Cathy. Weight is such a tough battle precisely, as you say, because you have to eat. Trying to eat in moderation doesn’t work for me at all. I’ve been most successful using Fast-5, & have lost 20 lbs. in 7 months. Not earth shaking, but I’m loving the new smaller size, and I’ve been able to stick with this, with a few exceptions like during vacation. What works for one won’t work for another – good luck finding your motivation & approach!

  67. #85
    Nancy C

    Dear Cathy-
    I recently had a moment of self discovery. I was enjoying a nice lunch at BJ’s…half a sandwich and nice salad and was browsing over the Weight Watchers Magazine I had picked up (I know you have been there too). As I sat there I realized that while I wasn’t afraid of dying, I am definitely afraid of dying too soon. I went back to work and made the call and paid over the phone for the meeting that night and have been going ever since. The next day I received a phone call that one of my very good friends (children grew up together), and she works with me, suffered a stroke and had failed to awaken over 12 hours later. True REALITY check for me. I cried for what seemed like days. Cried for her, cried for my personal fear, etc. She did finally awaken, and has some small issues on one side, but we are so thankful she is alive. Two weeks later, ANOTHER ONE! This has been somewhat of a rude awakening to me. She is in pretty darn good shape and definitely not your a-typical stroke candidate.
    Think of your kids. That is what I try (and I know I am a total work in progress) to remind myself. I lost my mother when I was in 6th grade (thankfully my children are somewhat grown now (college aged), but I would hate to miss any events in their lives…weddings, children, etc.
    When you are ready, and I think this was my “scare tactic” time of readiness, it will happen. Until you are, just ride the wave…but….think of your kids!

  68. #86

    Totally get the “switch” part – for me that switch occurred after reading Mariel Hemingway’s Healthy Living from the Inside Out. Don’t know why, but ever since, I’ve eaten sensibly and stopped emotional eating for good.

  69. #87

    Yoga pants rock! Don’t under estimate a great pair of yoga pants. Learn to love them and they will love you back!!! You look great by the way and your honesty is awesome!

  70. #88
    Lisette Gibbons

    Cathy, your post will speak to so many. It just seems you are beating yourself up way too much. If it’s 20 pounds you want to shed, take your time. Don’t go on any fancy diets, because it won’t last. You will feel so deprived afterwards you eat all back on in no time and some more. Even if you loose just one pound a month. It will take you almost 2 years, but you should be used to what you’re consuming by then and not have any more problems sticking to it. If you are an emotional eater, figure out what times in the day are you weak times, try and replace those by doing something else. Considering what your intake vs. what you burn. Unfortunately we don’t need all that much. My weight will be a life long battle, but I refuse to be overweight. If that means working my butt off in the gym, than so be it. I know you can do it!

  71. #89

    totally get the ‘have to eat everyday’ thing. i love eating, and i can even avoid it for a while, but i have to tell myself to beware once i sit down for a meal.
    as of yesterday i’ve been working on moderation, no eating after supper, and exercise. and let me tell ya, it’s hard for me! even as i’m writing this; i’m thinking of running to my pantry and grabbing some chips or dessert or…but no, i shall resist.
    i’m also trying to tell myself that Christmas is around the corner, and i don’t want to feel disapointed with myself then. the goal things seems to help for today.
    hang in there and thanks for being so open and honest!

  72. #90

    Good grief – not only were we born only a few days apart, but you and I have been down the same path: I smoked until I was 20, gave up, then put on 3 stone (18 kilos.. which is umm… 40 – 50 pound?) in 9 months. THen I did Weight Watchers, allowed it to completely rule my life and got REALLY slim. Like, about 135 pounds slim. After that, marriage #1 broke up and I’ve been big ever since. I, like you, am now 43. I’m well over 250 pounds ( I think .. I work in kilos) and I don’t like it, but like YOU I need a SWITCH. Something that embeds in my brain and says, “YOU MUST do this”. I’ve been sick for 3 weeks and off work for 2 and I’ve been trying very hard to eat well to make myself well. It’s a good incentive, but I still crave junk and I wanna eat pizza and fries and fried chicken and cake and muffins and stuff whenever I like.. arrrgghhh… Is it hormonal? (yeah right: 20 years + of hormones – you blame that sure…) or .. ? What do we lack? is it something deeper than that in the psyche?

    Stuff it. I wanna enjoy my life. What’s more important? the food that I eat or how I look?

  73. #91

    I heard the comparison between food and alcohol/cigarettes. So true that you can not go to bars, not buy booze, don’t be around people that do that. But you HAVE to eat. Preferably healthy. But you still have to eat each and every day, multiple times a day. You are constantly challenged to make smart choices.

  74. #92

    Cathy, the good news is that the switch always comes back on again. My switch is back on after being off most of the year, and I really enjoy my Wii exercise games. Plus, being OCD-ish, when I did the EA Sports Active 30-day challenge, knowing my video game was expecting me to do a workout made me actually do it. And I love unlocking stuff, so the video game element is very appealing to me. The price of the Wii is down, and if you check out the Amazon reviews, you can find all sorts of great and varied games that will work you out. Good luck on this journey!

  75. #94

    Lisette, thanks for the advice. i really am trying to look at things more logically and less in the extreme way i usually do!

  76. #97

    OMG…Cathy GO check out this video…it is so funny…maybe you can have Dan put these on your stairs in your house and it won’t feel like exercise…lol It reminds me of Tom Hanks in that movie where he became a kid again “Big”…enjoy! Love ya, Roberta

  77. #98

    What you said, Cathy. What you ALL said. For me, it’s that “again” part I have trouble with. I can exercise today, and maybe eat something pretty good for me, and avoid the tempting stuff that will clog my arteries. But … then I need to do it again. And AGAIN. And again … that’s the hard part.

    Sometimes I think I should keep a food journal and just write down what I didn’t eat.

  78. #99

    Hi Cathy,

    Like you, I’m a bit of an OCD person. I also have the ON/OFF switch. While I don’t have a huge amount to lose, I still need to get these 20 pounds off. So I joined a local exercise studio which has yoga, pilates, zumba, etc. Then I paid for 4 sessions with a personal trainer. I admit it, I need someone cheering for me and appreciating my effort. Also, though I’m not strapped for cash, we’re trying hard not to overspend. I’ve set my goal, and when I reach it I am going to buy myself some Uggs. So that kinda helps too. I agree with the poster that said get off your tush and do something, but I also know what it’s like to have a goal that you really only want to go through with 10% of the time. Because, seriously, food is damn good. Good luck!

  79. #100
    Lisa B


    I have been there too and still am. I joined Jazzercise in Nov. 2008 and lost 20 pounds in 2 months. I love going there they have pumped up great music and it is actually FUN-yes friends I said the “F word” with excerise. I drove past the place for years thinking it was something for little old ladies to do so wrong it kicks my butt everytime and it has been 11 months. It has so motivated me to eat healthy but hey if I fall off the wagon (can you say PMS) and have a bad couple of days I still fell good since I excercise. I also do treadmill at home and I know that I have to workout atleast 5-8 hours a week to maintain.


  80. #101

    oh, girl, i so understand. i actually went through treatment for anorexia when i was 16, and your analogy about not being able to get away from food like you can cigarettes is one of the things we talked about a lot.

    i’ve spent my life making sure i didn’t go down that road again and kept my weight up… and then i got sick. steroids have been an on and off part of my life for 15 years [i’m now 36], having the prednisone add weight, and then having to take it off. this last round left me with steroid-induced cushing’s syndrome, and it blew me up by 70 pounds in 3 months.

    killer on the psyche.

    i know what a daunting road ahead looks like. i feel for you. because of my disease limitations i can’t exercise at all, so it will all be food related in losing the weight. but it will happen in time, and it will for you too…

  81. #102

    I am so exactly the same! My switch seems to have just recently flicked to on again after 2 years of trying to get it to move – hears hoping it really has. Good luck to you

  82. #103

    I couldn’t have said it better if I had written that myself. If fact, my health counselor called the other day (part of our insurance wellness program) & I said to her exactly what you said about being black or white, on or off, no gray. After I said it to her, I thought “oops” now she probably thinks I am fat & crazy. I’ve lost & gained weight my entire life, heavier right now than I’ve ever been & I can’t seem to get to that place, where I force myself to lose weight again. It is so hard & not any fun!!! Good luck on your journey & hopefully I will start mine soon.

  83. #104
    Kathy Floen

    Cath- YOu have no idea how much this post hit home with me. You sound so much like myself. My switch is still off and I am ok with it. I, too, love my Reese’s PBCs and am not afraid to admit that sometimes they take the place of lunch. I am weak and it is ok.

    When you are ready, it will happen and you will have no problems. Until, then accept it and love who you are and realize you are not alone…and, feel free to whine anytime. We are all in the same boat.

  84. #105

    Amen, Cathy! Just got back from an hour-long work out and now want to eat … whatever I see that’s salty and sweet. It’s truly a daily struggle.

  85. #106

    that bl#$dy switch is so hard to find! but until then, stretch material, be thy friend!! I’ve long held the opinion that having to eat (and cook) is the source of my woes, but sadly, I cannot seem to go without the eating part!!
    With you all the way Cathy!

  86. #107

    Amen to you Nancy. I feed three athlete teen boys daily…and yes it is 6000-8000 calories a day for them. With this schedule there is so much food in the house… can I not join in all the fun they are having with food?

    And dear Lord…can you change my water into wine so it tastes much better?

  87. #108

    OM-Goodness… get out of my mind Cahty! Just like so many others have said, “you described my weight battle” too. Well, I’m in the reserves right now, I will get on the battle field again soon because my clothes are shrinking. Oh, you make me laugh on a day when I feel like crying!Thank you!

  88. #109
    Elizabeth W

    I’m a “switch” girl too (are we all? Reading your comment, I’m starting to think so!) Smoked to get myself through law school, and when I stopped – lots of weight gain. My secret weapon – at least for the moment – is something I’d never have expected: I started running. I cannot emphasize to you how unlike a candidate I am for running. I found one of those Couch 2 5K programs, set my alarm for 5 a.m., and began. I think my Type A self needed that sort of schedule. And now, I run about 3 miles every other day. I am losing weight – without caring too much about what I eat (HALLELUJAH!) – but the crazy thing is that I don’t really even CARE about the weight anymore. It’s just me and whether I can survive another run. I don’t really like it – I feel miserable during every run – and I begin dreading the next one as soon as the last is over – but for me, right now, this is my “switch.” Google Couch 2 5K – see what you think.

  89. #110

    “Um, Cathy, no offense, but why don’t you start DOING something about it, instead of just whining about it?”

    Cathy, this just makes me mad. I am a smoker and an over-eater and no one, NO ONE, who hasn’t been one of those two things, understands how difficult it is to let go of either, or both, of those addictions. It’s easy for people who have always been thin to make comments like the one above, but to totally understand what it’s like, you have to be that person. In that skin. Embrace yourself… love yourself as you are… if you’re not comfortable in your own skin, then by all means, do something about it. But the fact that you actually quit smoking and maybe gained a few pounds? As my doctor told me recently, I’d rather you gain a few pounds than continue to smoke. So WHINE all you want, dear Cathy, because being a non-smoker is much more important than gaining a little bit of weight.

  90. #111

    Switch, addictive, life-long discipline. All things I have been mulling over lately.
    Just recently made it to goal weight (for the second time) and now arguing with myself on a daily (if not every minute) basis not to put it all back on again. Aaaaargh.
    I wish for you (and me) to be switched ON, stay switched ON, and enjoy the process.
    All the best.

  91. #112
    Kathleen S.

    I shed 15 lbs., not much to crow about, but concentrated on keeping it off,and I’m at 2 yrs. and counting. Changed my focus from failure to not bad for the old chick. I’ve been gathering my resources to work on another 10. One little caution: if you like Reeses, don’t bring home a bag of Dove peanut butter chocolates. You’ll end up embarassing yourself in the candy aisle agonizing over putting a bag in and then out of your cart. Or back in, which results in looking guiltier than a shoplifter and attracts unwanted attention from store personnel. At least try to pull yourself together before the checkout lane.

  92. #113

    Cathy are you invading my brain? I’m at the same point, I know I need to stop eating crap, make better food choices and get up off my arse, but do I? Nope I whine and continue to eat and then get aggravated when my jeans are too tight.

    Peas in a pod huh.

  93. #119
    Trish D

    I am *SO* right there with you. Food is my celebration, consolation, and whatever other -ation may come up on a given day. I come from a long line of BIG people, complete with accompanying health problems. I know I’m not making good choices, and each day I wake up thinking, “I’m going to do better!” And then I find myself mindlessly gnawing on something. It truly is an addiction, and going cold turkey simply is not an option.

    So no amazing words of wisdom, just some commiseration. (Hey, is that a reason to eat?!)

  94. #120

    I just wanted to add my two cents too. First, thank you for being you. You are the voice for so many of us and that’s why your blog is so popular – you.are.real. I, for one, appreciate your “weighty” updates. They allow us all to reflect on our own personal journey. I lost 80 pounds 5 years ago at WW, then got pregnant with our first two years ago and gained 60, lost 50 of that then got pregnant with our second and gained 60 more and have lost 50 of that. Our kids are 2 and 6 months and I have 20 pounds to get back to goal again. But this time, it’s a new journey with two little ones- but I have found a new appreciation for my body and what it has done. I have a WW postcard on my fridge that reminds me “things do not change, we do.” Anyway, sorry for the lengthy babble. Thanks for sharing.

  95. #121

    I can SO relate to everything you say. It’s a lifelong struggle. I’ve often thought like are that food is some ways the toughest addiction — learning to use in moderation what you need to survive is so hard. You sure aren’t alone.

  96. #122

    Your comment about trying the “amuse bouche of exercise” cracked me up! I laughed even more because I’m currently sitting here wearing black yoga pants.

    Weight is my issue too. I’m in my mid-40s. I’m thankful I don’t gain weight very fast, but I don’t lose weight either. I don’t like going to a gym, but I do enjoy walking. I’ve got osteoarthritis in the knees, so it makes a lot of exercise harder. I’ve got a strong family history of heart disease, so my true health test is blood pressure. Dr. Oz says it’s a more critical measure of health than even cholesterol or weight. I want a smaller muffin top, but I’m more concerned with keeping my blood pressure in a healthy range.

  97. #123
    Jennifer Larson

    My sympathies are with you, really. Here’s what is helping me: I am a person who exercises. I have not always been, but every week, I look to see when my exercise time will be. And I go do it. I found something I love (swimming) and tolerate (weightlifting and eliptical). And I made that who I am. Not coincidentally, I do it when I used to snack.
    I’ve heard this approach likened to not smoking. Decide to be a nonsmoker then make it so. I know I’m oversimplifying it, but I can’t imagine not exercising now, because it’s who I am.

  98. #124
    Jill W

    Couldn’t we just be permanently pregnant and wear those great roomy maternity clothes, never need to suck in our stomach and be smiled at all the time by adoring strangers!! That beats dieting!

  99. #125


    Were we separated at birth. I am all or nothing black or white. I can follow a diet for weeks down to the letter or a carrot stick, but one little slip up and look fridge/drive through here I come. I’ve actually thought about surgery but what if I was one of those people that gains it back. Yikes how bad would that be. Anyway, you need to find a happy medium. Good luck. If I discover some magic pill I’ll share.


  100. #126

    Cathy – I hear you about the switch. Problem is, I think most of my life I have been asleep at that dang switch and have forgotten how to flip it.
    This past March, I lost my Dad and long about mid-April I found myself parked in front of a small, local gym. They weren’t even open that day but the trainers were there and I walked in, sat down and poured my heart out to a lovely young personal trainer who I had never met. I told her that I was going crazy in my own skin and had to get out of it. She said okay, come to my bag-contact kick-boxing class, and for some reason, I said okay. And I went. And I beat up the bags and I kicked them, and I sweat and I groaned in agony at my sore, aching, 45 year old muscles. And after about the 4th class, well, I learned something about myself… when I need it, I can kick ass! I have NEVER exercised this way in my life and it has been amazing. I am a new person. I had that very class tonight, it is one of my favorite hours of the week.
    So long story not so short, I do have a point. I cannot speak more highly of doing something, some kind of fundamental, functional exercise that involves hitting or kicking something that can take the impact. A punching bag and a set of gloves can do wonders to flipping a stuck switch.
    Best of luck to you Cathy.

  101. #127
    Mary Kate

    You are so delightfully honest!

    If and when you are in the mood, you might try looking at this Web site The woman who runs this is a funny, motivating success story. She’s a former weight watcher leader who has a PhD in this weight loss stuff and has her own business now working with people trying to change their weight. Her sense of humor and irreverence remind me of the “you” of your blog. She is nearby—just over the Ford Bridge in Mpls.

    Good luck. It’ll happen eventually.

  102. #128
    Gail Lindner

    I’ve discovered the comfort of elastic wait maternity pants – although my daughter is now 18 months old and I’m still wearing them! Cathy, after participating in MeTAV (and how many entries were food and weight related) my switch flicked on and I’m motivated! THANK YOU!

  103. #129

    I could have written every word of this. Okay, maybe not EVERY word. I have never done the cabbage diet (seriously? You tried that?!), and I have never smoked. But, other than that…

  104. #130

    Boy Cathy,
    Just now have the time to read your blog and the wonderful comments to it. I don’t even own a pair of yoga pants-I don’t think they make them in my size-okay, they do but I haven’t bought them because I don’t want to see myself in them! Back in 1982-I was a senior in high school-I was lucky that my parents didn’t make me have a job-good grades is what they wanted. I would split a FAMILY sized ALFY’s pizza (not the smaller size they try to pass off now a days) and a picter of root beer with a team mate from my swim team and weighed about 125 lbs. I would come home from school, jump on my bike and ride a 14 mile round trip through Forest Park, down to Legion park, stopping at B&R for a 2 scoop ice cream cone and a chance to see the cute guy that worked there, Past the Everett Golf and Country Club, down Madison and then back home. I’d grab my swimsuit and head to Forest Park Pool and work out with the Masters swim team-swimming about 2 miles. I did this EVERY Week day and then hit the high school dances and POGO’d my heart out on the weekends. That is how I kept skinny. Going to college, ended my daily bike ride, my daily swimming routine–I still went dancing but it wasn’t enough. 10, then 20, then 25 lbs crept on. Got married at 163 lbs, and kept gaining. got pregnant with baby #1 at 189 lbs and baby #2 at 204lbs. Baby #1 will be 13 in Dec.–I have not seen 189 for 13 years!!! Got close 190 with WW about 3 years ago but stopped going to the meetings. Went over the baby #2 mark and am now back at WW struggling to keep 15 lbs off. I don’t excercise. I bought the Wii so that I would. I’ve used it a few times. We’ve had it a year. I bought the EA 30 day challenge MONTHS ago, and I couldn’t even tell you now where I put it-still in the bag from the store! I hate veggies! I LOVE candy-esp the Brachs’ stuff that’s out right. I can sit and eat a whole fricken’ bag of that and don’t give a damn-but yet I do give a damn. I want to be around for when my kids get married, graduate from high school/college, have children of their own. I take too many stupid medications–2 for depression (which is linked to this stupid weight thing), 2 blood pressure medications, and 1 cholesterol medication. I don’t know what the switch will be for me. My doctor has lectured me and lectured me. I just need to do it. I’m better now at taking the stairs, parking further away from the entrance, doing a few dance moves while folding clothes, but I just can’t seem to exercise for any particular length of time that will do me good. Okay, I have babbled to you way too long. I hope you find the switch you need soon and pass an extension cord my way!

  105. #131
    Diane Herman

    Yep…looking here in Australia for that switch too!!!
    My frustrations is that I know exactly what i should be doing as far as food and exercise goes…and to be honest when I do ‘hit the switch’ I enjoy the after exercise feeling and I do like fresh healthy food.
    I guess the thing is we need to see it as ‘healthy eating, healthy activity & healthy lifestyle’ Not dieting!
    And like someone else has said a healthy lifestyle means we should live longer happier healthier lives.
    The other reason to eat healthy and exercise for me is my 3 daughters…It really is my JOB as their mum to be a good role model.
    Just my thoughts…now if i can just reach that blasted switch all will be good…sigh!!!

  106. #132

    Soooo there with you Cathy! That is exactly how I am feeling, and have been for a while. My issues are not only with food, but work-a-holism, too. Bad combo.

  107. #133

    I think one of the reasons I love you so much is that we are so much alike. We are very different too but in many ways, we are alike. I also have an addictive personality and it shows in my food intake. I also can be super passionate about something but it takes major motivation for me to feel that way about losing weight. I wish I could have caught my weight before it spiraled to the point it is now. I don’t even remember hitting 200 but I wish I would have gone, “hey now! that’s not right!” and done something then. Now it seems like an overwhelming mountain of fat to be moved. 🙂 You are kinda makin’ me wanna try that cabbage soup diet. I did it as a kid and it worked for me and my Mom. I actually love all the things on it.

  108. #134

    PS – I also say, “have you met me?” all the time. I don’t know anyone else who says it so that cracked me up when you posted that. Where did that come from? I don’t remember. Maybe “Friends?”

  109. #135

    I think you look fantastic Cathy – plus, you are so darn funny! I am a foodie, so I don’t know if I can ever give a ‘diet/exercise’ the kind of 100% my body needs. (maybe I’ll just try & get that Wii!!!) There are too many chocolates that I need to meet, cheeses and wines that I need to taste, pastries & breads that I crave….man, I’m hungry now! UGH!

  110. #136
    Phyllis R.

    Oh sister, I am so with yer. Ha ha! I know so well that the current plan du jour works when the switch is ON. It’s getting that switch ON that’s the problem. Eating away and wearing comfy pants. Yup. After completing a 15 pound weight loss earlier this year on Weight Watchers. The switch is definitely in the OFF position at the moment. Determined that those 15 hard-won pounds won’t ALL come back though:)

  111. #137

    Hi Cathy –
    I quit smoking 24 years ago – nary a puff since.

    We adopted two overweight cats from a shelter and had them both healthy and looking slim, lithe and lovely in less than a year.

    But that need to feed myself multiple times a day – well that’s a whole other kettle of fish!
    Mmmm… kettle of fish. I should make some fish chowder.
    See what I mean?

    Thanks for posting what so many of us feel and experience!
    Good health & happiness to us all!
    – Lee

  112. #138

    wow … I felt like I was reading something that *I* should have written! ha!!

    1st – ditto on the yoga pants – they ROCK!
    2nd – when you’re ready your switch will flip
    (I’m banking on it happening to me so I KNOW it will happen for you!!)
    3rd – thanks for sharing
    (nice to know that the ever-powerful scrap guru and design engineer extraordinaire is HUMAN!!) 😉

    p.s. so are you saying that just because I have a club membership, it doesn’t mean I’ll get more fit if I don’t go? hmm … point well taken …

  113. #140

    I think about joining online as well but I’ve come to the conclusion I have to know I’ll actually do it – don’t know if just signing up and continuing as I am actually helps ;o)

  114. #141

    Cathy, You are not alone. I know skinny people that struggle with moderation, in both food and exercise. I too wish I have a little less around the middle and I can tell you in TRULY is a day at a time. I applaude you for not giving up. No matter if you whine or not … sometimes the whine is the motivation to get moving. SO WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU! Keep going and remember you are not alone.

  115. #142

    Have you always worked from home? I imagine that being able to stay home, stay in comfy pj’s or yoga pants all day is part of the recipe for your *maintained weight*

    I empathize with you about losing weight. I too, quit smoking after 18 years and I put on some weight. I survived breast cancer 2 years ago, I put on more weight. I’m out of excuses…time to shit or get off the pot!

  116. #143

    still trying to find the switch too…..again. It was so much easier ten years younger and no kids!

  117. #147

    You just gave me a tour through where I grew up! I used to be on the South Snohomish County Dolphin swim team from ages 9 to 12. I worked out at Forest Park Pool.

    Sigh. Thanks for sharing your story too!

  118. #154

    Loved reading your post and all the comments:) This is clearly such a subject close to so many peoples hearts, including myself. One thing that came to mind while reading this is accountability. I think of how amazing your call for Charity water has gone. Here is a idea:) Maybe start a challenge on your blog:) with us readers. Once a week check in:) There is nothing like accountability with sharing this struggle with others. I would totally be up for it:)

  119. #155
    Honore Francois

    Hi Cathy et al,
    Here are two resources that might also be of assistance in your efforts to jumpstart the switch; check them out and you’ll do it. I just know!

    The Four-Day Win – a book – by Martha Beck. Lots of ideas and activities that are very doable in 4-day doses. They total up to 52 wins. Works in many life transforming areas. – a brand new blog with a life-changing mission and story. The current [10/11] post is a winner.


  120. #156
    Lisa L.

    Thank you for your honesty!!! I think you are beautiful in your yoga pants. I can totally relate. But life is to be lived…no matter one’s size. So enjoy it!

  121. #157

    i like yoga pants 🙂 they’re the new sweatpants… and you can actually wear them outside the house. Maybe if i actually got dressed (to me yoga pants is getting dressed for the day, but you know what i mean) i’d not find my real pants no longer fitting. but even that has not motivated me. *hugs* to you!

  122. #158

    I think Reese’s peanut butter cups should be a food group. 😀 I mean, seriously. And while we’re changing the food pyramid, cheese is a health food. Sigh. And this is why *I* wear yoga pants. 😉

  123. #159

    i totally feel your pain. My problem is I’ve been overweight so long that i have a very nice wardrobe that actually does fit me. If i lost weight I would have to buy clothes and I honestly can’t afford it right now!! so i am living “the eat in moderation life” right now and maintaining this overweight body. sad but true. so how is that for a totally new excuse – “I can’t afford to lose weight right now.”

  124. #160

    I heard Dr Phil say once that “everyone says that they would die for their kids, why not live for them?” (not a direct quote).

  125. #161
    Shanon Gibson

    I am always hoping to lose the “baby weight” and then some as I wasn’t thin before I had 2 babies 12.5 months apart. Here is my very sad confession…I own 1 pair of jeans that actually fit me. I refuse to buy another because I know I need to lose weight but I have had these pants for a year. I lost 10 lbs on Weight Watchers in Jan/Feb and went on vacation in March and that was the end of my weight loss. Since I am a SAHM living in Germany while my husband serves in the military I hardly leave the house most days so my elastic waist pants have served me well. Sad, sad story! I am waiting for the same switch to flip because I seriously need more button up pants in my life! Thanks for sharing your story. Makes me smile and think at the same time.

  126. #162

    I could have written this post. seriously! my hubby tells me that with all I have been through this year that I should just cut myself some slack. problem is that I have and here I am with nothing to wear and feeling horrible about myself. I probably own every self help and diet book out there. I have probably been on every diet out there. at what point do we look at ourselves in the mirror and say “that looks pretty darn good” and move on. at what point do we look at food as a means of fuel and not comfort. it feels comforting going in, but afterwards it feels like I just lost my best friend. awful. big huge hug to you cathy for being so honest. I hope that one day you will find peace with this. I hope I do too. ciao.

  127. #163

    you are so far inside my head when it comes to food it is scary! i call it “the zone” rather than “the switch” but that is the only difference i can see. thankyou for sharing, it is always good to know you’re not alone!

  128. #164

    OK Cathy – I know I don’t have the same brain wiring as you do BUT I’m going to be a little harsh and ask why you don’t TRY a small group/individual exercise class. You have tried most everything else and it’s not working right now. SO try something else! If you committed to being somewhere to exercise (out of your house!), you would do it. Food is not the biggest problem. Not moving is.

    We all have demons – yours just happens to be food.

    Now I’ll get off my bandwagon.
    Rita Q

  129. #165
    Tena Sprenger

    I also love yoga pants own a few pairs( I have never taken a yoga class….just love the pants). I believe you have the right attitude, when diets and exercise plans are to strict and spare it sucks the joy out of the process and no matter what the process is there should be at least a little fun in it. I am also a switch flipping type of person when I flip the switch to go on whatever it is I am set on doing it happens, thats how exercise and hanging out at the gym became a daily habit for me, but I resisted for many years I guess the time wasn’t right. You will figure it out.We all have something we are working on. tena

  130. #166
    Rosie M

    This is tough-love, cautionary tale from a former (and most likely future) Fatty.
    If you are not actively trying to lose that weight, you ARE going to get heavier…and older. Believe me, when you’re also fighting a menopausal metabolism the struggle gets a lot harder!
    Seven years ago I was 47 yrs. old and 260 lbs. I have been morbidly obese for most of my adult life.
    It took 5 yrs. to lose 99 lbs. I’m still not at goal and at this point it’s all I can do to keep it from creeping back on.
    There is NO magic bullet! Eat less, eat smarter and move more – a lot more!
    The clock doesn’t start until YOU flip the switch, and you know it isn’t going to flip itself and nobody can do it for you.
    All this talk about black and white – hooey patooey! I’ve got a million excuses too, and not one of them is helping my health or my self esteem.
    You’re in this for the duration. It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle.
    What in the world are you waiting for?
    love you, love your style!

  131. #167

    My switch goes on and off, but I understand how hard it is. I do feel that it’s important to have good clothes that fit you well, no matter what size you are. Well fitting clothing is not something to be rationed to myself when I reach some goal in my head, and it’s not admitting defeat either. It’s making the most of what I’ve got and looking good while I strive to look even better. However, yoga pants are quite comfy. =)

  132. #168

    I must say this is exactly me, your post totally resonated for me! And since I started having kids (due in March with #2), I have just accepted that I’m in the OFF poistion as you said. But come March (OK maybe May) I am wholehearted flipping that switch! Thanks for the analogy, it’s right on!

  133. #169
    Anna bowkis

    i am so with you Cathy, i am sadly a WW gold member, i say sadly as i sit here now 4 stone heavier!I blamed my second daughter for that. I was at goal before i had her, my back was fine before i had her, BUT i can blame away, at the end of the day, my little girl is the (second, i have 2 girls,lol) best thing in my life, my 2 girls are worth every pound i have gained, every saggy bit of my body that now droops so south! I can wollow in my own self pity and sugary donuts, at the end of the day only i can make that change, and the ON button switched itself on last week, tomorrow is my first weigh in!!! wishing you loads of positive weight loss vibes!
    Anna xx (UK)

  134. #170
    Laurie T

    Amen sister! I am right there with all of you. I need to exercise, eat healthier, lose weight etc. but my HEAD is not in the game. I’ll keep you updated on when it is. Right now it’s consumed with stress at work. And I’m sorry but when one of my college aged daughters wants to get fast food and watch “Tool Academy”, I’m more concerned with building memories than with losing weight. They’ll only be home for a short while longer and I’m enjoying the ride!! 🙂

  135. #171

    Yes. What is it that we’re really eating for? There is a feeling or a sensation that we’re trying to dampen down. Something unpleasant. Something uncomfortable. Boredom? Restlessness? Uncertainty? What the hell is it… You know something? I think overeating/obesity etc is a mental illness. Not in the schizo type arena, but clearly something in the brain doesn’t “work” the way it should to keep the body in the right shape. We need to do something (anything) different. Anything is worth a try. I don’t over-eat per se – I just like to eat bad things 🙂 (Sounds like the True Blood theme… o/~ I wanna do bad things with you…. ~/o). Arrrgh.

  136. #172

    Cathy, you have a weight-loss group in the making here, girl. Start up a second bow to your fiddle and we’ll all join ya 🙂 We’re all with you.

  137. #173

    Sure wish you could figure out how to ‘flip’ that switch so the rest of us could follow suit. At the wonderful age of 45 I’ve been faithful with the exercise for months now but am realizing that without some eating modifications the weight is here to stay. I DON’T WANT TO MODIFY THE EATING HABITS!!! (picture tantrum throwing 2 (45) year old here!)

  138. #175

    Deb, I totally know what you mean. I am at a very comfortable weight—I DO need to lose some (30 lbs would be nice!) but it doesn’t take over my life. I do strive to be healthy and I walk every morning. And I eat in moderation. And my clothes aren’t as small as I wish they were, but neither am and I am rather happy in my skin.

  139. #176

    Hi Cathy…personally I think it was rather rude of your blog reader to ask you why don’t you just do something about it. My boss has often said similar things to me. And not being me she really can’t know fully where my head is at & what my struggles are. I am very much a sugar addict and she can’t understand why I don’t just stop eating sugar…its just not as simple as that. You do whatever you need to do & don’t worry about the people who can’t understand why its not an easy fix. I actually think you look great just the way you are. And you’ve got a beautiful personality & sense of humor. And you know…inner beauty is so much more important than superficial beaty by a longshot.

  140. #178

    Amen, Rosie. And congrats on your weight loss.

    I totally believe too, no magic bullet.

    The black and white thing though? for me, I have to be black and white or i fade very quickly. Talk to my poor hubby. He’s seen it in action for years!

    Thanks for your comment!

    I am making better choices every single day.

  141. #179

    Hey Rita,

    You know, here’s the only protest i put up to that one. Money is the first one, and second: people in groups.

    I have some serious introvert issues, which is part of the reason i don’t travel and teach scrapbook classes. It’s actually an issue for me.

    I do LIKE to exercise alone though. I mean, when i’m into it, i’m in.

    Part of me though, would like to take a yoga class. I have heard such good things, especially for the calming and centering effect.

    I alway appreciate your comments Rita!

  142. #180

    I did just buy some new cute jeans from Target, that fit and look good. Amazing what it does for the self image to have something comfy and cute!

  143. #181

    Tanya, i’ve worked from home for 10 years. But, i get up and shower and put shoes on every day. I have to. There’s a mental thing about wearing shoes.

    I’m so happy to hear you survived breast cancer. That’s amazing to here.

    And yep, i really do need to shit or get off the pot! That reminds me of my Mom! She always uses that expression!

  144. #182

    Cathy, I think you really need to find your “Powerful Reason Why”. Without a driving force behind you, I really don’t think you will be able to successful. This takes much self reflection and thought, but really works. I have also struggled with my weight, but am now focused and will be for ever!

    One of my PRWs is health related – breast cancer runs in my family. I need to get healthy and fit in order to do everything in my control to fight this disease. Do I have total control? No, but I definitely have control over what I eat and how active I am.

    PRWs can be either positive (i.e. something you want) or negative (i.e. something you want to avoid). The key is that it is YOURS – your reason for making the daily choices that will bring you closer to your goals.

    Which is my second comment. Do you have a goal? Is it specific? Is it positive? “I want to lose weight” doesn’t work. A positive goal would be “It is Oct. 31, 2009 and I weigh 135 lbs”!

    Give it a shot … what do you have to lose?

  145. #183

    Hi Cathy, I enjoy your blog. This entry really hit home. I get in the groove and everything (exercise and eating well) goes great. Then something happens – most recently I messed up my knee running. Now the inertia is great and I have yet to oversome it. An interesting book I am reading is “the end of overeating” by Dr. David Kessler. He talks about the science of food and why we eat so much of the stuff we shouldn’t and how to better cope with those impulses (I haven’t gotten to that part yet, however the science part has seriously got me rethinking and stepping away from the Reese sups – my weakness too). Good luck on your journey.

  146. #184

    I hear you Stephanie. I am not a smoker or much of a drinker but I LOOOVE food! I tell everyone I exercise to eat because I really don’t enjoy exercise. The trouble is, at the moment I just can’t find the motivation to exercise. i have changed my lifestyle to eat healthier. This works 5 days a week but on weekends I blow out. Perhaps, as someone above commented, Jazzercise is the key.

  147. #185

    Whine to me all you want and I will be there. I face a similar weight challenge at the moment. First time in my life to have extra weight, put on in the time around the third child. Strangely, I often forget that I am fat and am still puzzled at times when I see a picture of myself and observe how fat I am. I have had an extra 40 pounds more than my normal weight for 2 years now and know that when I decide to take it off I will, but until then, I don’t talk about it, because I know I am the only one who can make a change and I will do it only when I want to. That being said, I am grateful to know I am not alone with the “switch” situation and the challenge is also not mine alone, not that I would wish this challenge on anyone else. Good luck with your challenge and please, keep me posted, no matter where you are at with it. I’ll be here reading.

  148. #186

    Here’s what’s helping me right now – “The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite” written by David A. Kessler, MD, former commissioner of the FDA. He makes the case for why food is addictive to some of us. He unearths how the food industry aims to keep us addicted (like nicotine, eh?) and he offers a “flexible and forgiving” program coined “food rehab.” For someone who has struggled like you, I find this to be motivating, meaningful and successful for me. Check your library and take a glance… it’s changed my life and approach to food and weight loss. Somewhere he says something like this: “First, we have to acknowledge that it is not a matter of willpower.” That alone is worth exploring, isn’t it?

  149. #187
    Diane Roberts

    I am right there with you on this. I quit smoking too. I don’t like to say I’m an ex-smoker though – I’m more a “smoker who chooses not to” which makes it more of a positive thing than a negative.

    And so I joined Weight Watchers, and it’s a long hard slow road. I’m starting to learn my “full” point, and make better choices about what I’m eating. And it’s taken me two years (TWO YEARS!!!!) to lose 10lbs. It’s a matter of sticking with it.

    I found my on-switch though. I joined a local pantomime society, and we have a panto at the end of January – Ali Baba and the Forty thieves. There’s nothing that can switch your button “on” quite like the prospect of wearing the diaphanous costume of a harem girl on a stage in front of 300 people every night for a week…… pmsl

  150. #188
    Laura Allen

    Hi Cathy,

    Your post is humorous, engaging, and so real! I think we can all see a little of ourselves in you and your yoga pants. 😉 You’re also the right the comments and conversation on this post are as good as the post itself!

    You wrote: “The other problem I have truly accepting that this is a life-long effort. I won’t simply drop 20 pounds and stay there magically without constant mindfulness. I’ve done this before. Lost weight and celebrated by eating again…the cruelest of oxymorons really. I need to accept that I have to make substantive and permanent changes.”

    I’ve taken the plunge and started blogging about my weight loss journey with Weight Watchers and exercise I love like biking! I’ve lost fifty pounds and kept it off for a year. Being open, authentic, and vulnerable have been a real stretch for me so I’d love for you and your readers to check out and leave a note and share the inspiration.

    I hope you and others will be inspired to flip their switch and stay turned on!!

    Vugs! (virtual hugs!)

  151. #189
    Fun Mama - Deanna

    Oh my gosh! You just described my journey/struggle with weight totally. I love food. Love it. And I love exercise. Sometimes. I loved being skinny, but not enough to give up chocolate. Oh the battles. . .

  152. #190

    wow io just now am seeong how old this post was! I wish you god results with your plan. the thing I didnt like about WW was the $$ I poured into their coffers!LOL One true thing Ive learned and its helped is a yoga principle that says to love yourself the way it is today. For what it can do for you How it supports you no matter what. I think that we all know what kind of a motivator self-hate is!

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