Oh yes, I was in yoga pants…
It's been many moons since I blogged about my victories (and tribulations) as they related to all manner of chub and bathroom scale issues. Maybe because the last time I did, one of my blog readers said, "Um, Cathy, no offense, but why don't you start DOING something about it, instead of just whining about it?"
And while part of me wanted to say, "Hi. Have you MET me?" instead, I thought: "Touché, my dear. Touché."
And try things I did!
I first tried the infamous Cabbage Soup Diet. Mmmm. That was special. I recall with fondness Day 4—the banana and milk day. All the milk and bananas you can ingest! Great, if you happen to like them. Nightmarish if the smell of banana makes you nauseous and you haven't sipped milk willingly since the age of 12.
My main goal with the CSD cleanse was simply to get off the Reeses Peanut Butter cups. You know, get that sugar monkey off my back, and for a while, it worked like a charm. I actually loved the soup and maybe dropped three pounds. The best part? I abstained from Reeses Peanut Butter cups for a whole two weeks!
Then I tried moderation.
Then I tried exercise. You know, get up early, hop on the treadmill every morning. Do a simple weight lifting routine every other day.
Now I say "tried" exercise because I didn't exactly stick to it like I have during past weight loss campaigns. I sampled it. I went to a wine tasting, if you will, of exercise. I had myself an amuse bouche of exercise.
Then for a number of weeks, I just chubbed, I mean chugged along, just eating what I damn well pleased, thank you very much. This approach works just fine until you realize you have to go out in public to places where people you know are, and nothing in your closet fits.
Long story short: the switch just hasn't flipped for me yet.
I'm a switch person. What this means, is when the switch is flipped to the ON position, I am the most focused person you'll ever meet. Nothing can stand in the way of me and my goal. When the switch is in the OFF position, well… that's where the yoga pants come into play.
I'm black and white. There's sadly almost no room for any gray in my life. Never has been, and even with copious amounts of intensive therapy, there probably never will be.
The other problem I have truly accepting that this is a life-long effort. I won't simply drop 20 pounds and stay there magically without constant mindfulness. I've done this before. Lost weight and celebrated by eating again…the cruelest of oxymorons really. I need to accept that I have to make substantive and permanent changes.
I have an addictive personality. For half my life, it was cigarettes. Now, it's food.
I was recently explaining to Dan that the difference between kicking a smoking habit and kicking a food habit is this: you HAVE to eat. You don't HAVE to smoke. Most people, when they quit smoking, or drinking booze… they know they can't dabble in it. Not once, or they're off the wagon. But with food, you have to use it every single day. Think about it. You have to carefully dabble in something you have a difficult time handling in the first place. Every. Single. Day.
I know what has to be done and I understand what I have to do to make it so. So no whining today. My eyes are open and I'm taking it one day at a time.
And I'm not embarrassed to say yoga pants are my friend.
Just sharing a bit of the journey with you.