In light of the fact that Aidan took my monthly head shot (taken each month on the same day of my Tales from the Scales official weigh-in, measure-in, and photo-in-the-bathroom-mirror-in) and that this particular shot happened to fall into what I like to call the adorable category, I have decided to celebrate my own birthday today by making a list of 44 things.
The problem I am having, however, is choosing a theme. I hear that as we age, it gets harder to focus. Well let me tell you it's TRUE. Why just yesterday I could have rattled off 44 of any particular thing. 44 Ways to Unnerve People Standing in a Grocery Check Out Line? Bingo! 44 French Cheeses I Love? Voila! Today? I can't remember where I put my slippers last night.
Getting older is a bitch. But see, there I go digressing and cursing. Let's begin (and no, there is no theme to this list).
Remember folks, I'm 44 now.
1. I miss regular full-fat cheese.
2. I am down to drinking one cup of coffee a day, thanks to my new tea addiction.
3. My hair is too long but part of me kind of likes it. (The dirty hippie part.)
4. The only way to get a photo like the one above is to fake laugh really hard while someone shoots. Don't believe me? Try it. And then don't come crying to me about how adorable you are.
5. I can't stand the sound of birds chirping in the morning to the point that I want to take a batch of miniature rubber bands and double wrap them around their tiny little beaks to teach them a lesson about what sleeping in means to women in their 40s.
6. I want to have clothes from Anthropologie, except that I can't justify the expense and if I'm being truly honest, I don't really get them.
7. I love to blog.
8. I love Yoplait Light Fat Free Yogurt, but only the strawberry-vanilla flavor. Last week, my friendly neighborhood Rainbow store was out of this flavor, and I said loudly enough for anyone in ear shot to hear, "Well that's just GREAT. NOW what do I have at breakfast? I HATE this store!" My horrified 13-year-old daughter quickly moved away from me, hiding near the butter and cheese bins, but damn it, I made my point. Later that day, Aunt Flo arrived.
9. I like to spend money on clothes for Aidan far more than I do for me. It feels less like being impetuous with my money and more like being a good, caring, and responsible parent.
10. Cole and I are very, very much alike. We both go overboard when we're into things. Case in point? Tea and the Titanic, which coincidentally is the name of the next play he's working on.
11. Dan and I and not very much alike. He recently shared this analogy with me. "Let's say I see the movie "Witness" and I decide I'd like to learn more about the Amish. I might go to the library, check out a few books, bring them home and maybe, just maybe crack the cover and read a few chapters. You? You become Amish."
12. I miss french fries.
13. Oh Sweet Jesus, I'm only on number 13?
14. I'm a very sensitive person.
15. I recently decided that the colors gray and yellow together are the greatest color combo of all time.
16. For many years, Dan and I picked a theme right around New Year's to serve as our modus operandi for the coming year. My favorite one? Debt free in '93. All others have paled in comparison and in result. Pick up sticks, in '96? What the hell was that?
18. OVER MY DEAD BODY!
19. The silverware I received for my wedding in 1991 is Oneida Easton, and every time I empty the dishwasher, I marvel at how much I still love it after all these years.
20. I have problems with insomnia.
21. I have problems untangling knots of any kind.
22. I'm halfway to 44.
23. My new favorite album of right now is Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall. I gave it to Dan for his birthday and I am in heady love.
24. My other new favorite album is Interpol's Antics.
25. Both 23 and 24's selections are not ones I would have initially thought I would like.
26. I love my family.
27. I'm so very thankful I have made it this many years in this world.
28. I'm also so very thankful to have discovered La Tortilla Factory tortillas, which practically have ZERO points and Miracle Noodles, which have no calories (but smelled a little wonky at first when I took them out of the package, but then tasted just fine) and we had them the other night using this recipe and it tasted pretty darned good (but don't use the full amount of Sirachi chili sauce or AY carumba, your lips will burn.)
29. I love poorly constructed run-on sentences with pronoun confusion and voice discrepancies.
30. I will never be clever enough to have a list on McSweeney's, but if I did, my list would be called "Scrapbook page titles you aren't likely to see" and it would feature things like: "My son…he's just okay" and "Happy F#$@ing Birthday".
31. In my 44th year, I plan to blame most of my swearing on everything I possibly can (other than myself), but mostly I'll attribute my potty mouth to a nagging iron deficiency.
32. I put on a pair of size 12 jeans over the weekend that I haven't fit into for a solid year. Then I went to the Mall of America and the whole time I was there, I felt sexy and confident and much more like a woman on the verge of turning 41 or possibly even 42.
33. I read every comment on this blog, but then feel guilty when I don't reply to all of them, and hope no one notices.
34. I believe in a thing called love.
35. I stole No. 34 from "The Darkness."
36. Every morning, I dread getting on the treadmill, thinking of all the other things I could be doing instead. But from here on out, I will remember No. 32 and how it felt to be hot in a sea of mall shoppers, and I will lace up those shoes, turn on that Michael Jackson iPod mix, and run like the freaking wind.
37. I will turn on the treadmill fan to create that wind effect.
38. I'm less comfortable in large groups of people. Doesn't mean I don't like people, it just means I am less comfortable in large groups of them. That's why I wrote the first sentence. GEEZ people, READ!
39. I love working from home more than anything outside of french fries and regular fat laden cheese.
40. When I turned 40, I quit smoking. Although it was one of the best decisions I've ever made, I swear to God everything in my body began to change. It felt for a long time that smoking had been the acid free glue holding it all together.
41. If I make it to 90, I fully plan to start smoking again, and then smoke constantly, only stopping to sleep and eat, until I die. You know, to make up for all these nutty "health" years.
42. I think the Internet is full of utterly amazing people and things.
43. I have often been in the right place at the right time.
44. I wouldn't change a thing.
And now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with the DMV, where I will list my current weight as 150. You know, it'll give me something a bit more realistic to maintain until I start smoking again.
Thanks for coming here and reading.