This past Sunday, I was in a muffin sort of mood, so thanks to a suggestion from my friend Ali, I made these babies from Martha Stewart.
I like the idea of baking. I like the image of pulling out warm, tasty goodness from my oven and presenting this home-baked bounty to my family. Measuring, mixing and baking with love ensures at least one entry into a possible Mother of the Year contest, doesn't it?
The problem with any and all of my forays into baked goods is that I can't handle being in the same room with a freshly baked anything. I can't have just one muffin. Or two. Sometimes, not even three.
I fool myself though, into thinking I can handle baking. With muffins, it usually goes like this: I'll have one at 1 p.m.. The second at 2. The third at 3. And in between those hours, I'll drink a glass of water which as we all know counteracts the sugar and lessens the cumulative calorie count.
So by the end of the day, I'd eaten 7 muffins. Seven. Count 'em. Seven cuplets of delicious banana bready nirvana.
Dan had gone out for the evening (church function, mind you…he ain't out partying like it's 1999 on a Sunday night), and when he returned, I was feeling bloated and disappointed in my food choices that day. It's not that I have to answer to Dan with food. We who are trying to slim down know the hard and fast truth here: you answer to yourself alone, and possibly the scale. Still, I like to pull the 'woe is me' routine when I feel lousy about my nutritional choices for the day. So when I gave him the report, I rounded down.
"I ate six muffins today," I said, sounding weary and beaten down, complete with a heavy sigh on the delivery.
His reply?
"Sex muffins? I want some!"
Thanks, babe, for knowing the right thing to say 99 percent of the time. I'm never not going to be grateful for your sense of humor.
dawn says
awwww Cathy, I’m laughing right now. I love your journaling. This sounds just like me when I bake too, the kids will come home and want one and they will count and know I had 6,7 or 10 of the cookies or brownies that I just made that morning. How can we resist when it’s warm out of the oven and sitting there all day calling us. Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
willimena says
You gotta love men! They’ll hear what they want to hear.
You, and your honest writing, are an inspiration. I have just ordered “run like a mother” – feel like I’m going to die after 5 min running on the treadmill at the moment – but you encourage me to think there is hope.
K says
Mmmm . . . I like muffins. And cookies. And Dan. He’s nice.
ale says
love this post, cathy! you and dan were made for each other.
Kristal Jones says
I feel this way about crunchy, salty things. I can’t stop at just a couple.
Love Dan’s reply.
Madeline St Onge says
So you ran an extra 2 miles yesterday and enjoyed every bite of the muffins lol
mary says
Remember, Cathy, one day at a time. Today’s a fresh start. And be careful not to hold yourself to extremes. The weight thing is about overall choices and not about individual calories. Take it from someone who has battled with anorexia – it’s not about each bite but rather, about the overall picture of your health. Something else I was once counseled on in therapy – our bodies will tell us that they’re not getting enough of something, whether it be calories, nutrients, minerals, etc. by triggering our hypothalamus to crave whatever it is our body is needing. Maybe your calorie count has been too low lately – I don’t know, but whatever the case, just jump back into the saddle and giddyup for another day! Whew….how’s that for crazy armchair therapy!?
Gotta love Dan’s reply – he and my husband Greg must be twins separated at birth!
Tina says
haha, perfect answer from Dan, and thinking I want to try that muffin recipe, tho not sure I can resist having sex muffins too
Kendra B says
Love Dan’s response!
Barb says
Poor food choices – I go through a bout of that at least once a month. It’s like you’ve said before though – the next day is a new day, filled with possibilities of making different choices.
As for Dan, he is so very awesome. 🙂
Emma says
Classic!!
Jeanne Pellerin says
Dan so crazy!
Maureen says
Ah that Dan, he does have the knack. With that photo and that journaling, you have a perfect layout Cathy.
re the muffins? Humanity strikes again. You are not alone.
Sherry Fagin says
love your writing…always makes me smile.
Leora says
Yeah Dan! Too funny!
Tambur says
I just Ga-FAWHED!! That was classic and sweet.
Leah says
Funny!! Glad he keeps you chuckling through life! And I’m gonna try the recipe.
Not to be picky, but isn’t it “Woe is Me”?? I figured, as a writer, you’d appreciate that – unless, of course, you meant “WHOA” as in STOP EATING MUFFINS!
Suzette says
Love him! He sounds so much like my husband!
cathy says
there IS hope! Just take it easy and dont forget…. the whole walk/jog thing really does work. Go slow!
Enjoy the book!
cathy says
yeah, thats a good point! ; )
cathy says
Good points, Mary. I am in this holding pattern for weight loss right now. Not going up, not going down, but still maintaining a good level of exercise activity. I just dont want to have TOO many of these types of days, where im basically on a sugar binge.
cathy says
I think I want to have his baby. (oh, wait… I did. Twice.)
cathy says
Doh! What was I thinking. Yep. haha! I think youre right though: WHOA was on the brain. LOL!
cathy says
oh, im already scrapbooking this story for next weeks Make a Page Monday! These are the types of things I just dont want to forget!
Mary says
I’m laughing right now. I love his answer. I guess that’s one way to work off some calories.
Marcie L says
I can SO relate to the baking dilemma! I love to bake, I always have. I had my Betty Crocker kids cookbook when I was young and baked all kinds of stuff all the time. Now, like you, I love baking for my family. Love to eat what I bake, even though I can’t afford it, calorie wise. What to do????
But Dan’s response is priceless, very funny!
Heidi says
I’m laughing here too. About the muffin’s dilemma and Dan’s response. Both. Equally 😉 Strangely enough I have journaling on my computer that I wrote yesterday about me right now, and the first bullet tackles this subject of baking goods in the house. The very reason me and I’d guess plenty of others (based on the current odds) don’t bake that much…no will power in this house over here. ugh
Julia says
sex muffins… hilarious.
kristen says
luckily, tomorrow is always another day, cz! & just fyi, i’m pretty sure it’s *woe* is me … though sometimes, i sure wish it was *whoa* is me, as in “whoa, girl! stop!” [sound effect of screeching brakes …] ;D
Kim says
God bless Dan! I also had to internally giggle about the “rounding down” of the count…I’ve done that too….not just with food…sometimes with the cost of my scrapbooking supplies.
Also, I just want to say I LOVE “Make a Page Mondays”. I took your DYL class earlier & coupled with your blog posts for additional inspiration it has literally changed my approach to scrapbooking. It’s fun again & reminds me how I love this hobby – the stories, the photos…the products!
Thank you.
Kim
cathy says
I know! doh! caught that woe and it has been remedied!
Leslie @ {Tiny Wings} says
So, I went gluten-free a few weeks ago, as an experiment to see if I could get rid of some health issues. So far, it’s working. The temptation is still there to eat muffins and other yummy baked goods — but knowing that I feel better without them is a good deterrent. I haven’t really forayed into GF baking yet, so I’m eating pretty healthy. Yay, for now! I wonder if sex muffins are G-free, though . . . 😉
{vicki} says
I Could use some sex muffins!
Erika says
I wonder what Martha Stewart would say knowing that her muffins were just renamed Sex Muffins??? Actually, sounds like Dan has just given you a new nickname, “Hey there sex muffin!” LOL Thanks for the giggle this morning. 🙂
Heather B says
Dan is hilarious! You could pick out a muffin type you probably wouldn’t eat but everyone else would (for me your recipe would be a winner… I don’t do bananas) – then you get the joy of the baking and no temptation. Easier for some than others. I can usually resist the baked products but eat a ton of the batter/cookie dough etc. I try to tell myself it’s just a taste – but it’s usually significant.
I recently made brownies with my not-quite-2-yr-old & gave him the bowl to lick out….. he had alot of batter & was of course messy so I told him one more bite & it was all gone…. then I ate the rest of the yummies after I cleaned him & sent him to his play area…. whoops & bad mommy!
Cynthia Friese-Hassanein says
Cathy!!! So, you found the muffin diet:) I would for sure get back on the regular routine:) Muffin or Donut Diet has not done much for me, but ooooh so good. Dan is the man with that hilarious comment! Thanks for the morning chuckle!
Marina D-K says
Hilarious!
Suzette says
HILARIOUS!
Shaunte says
HAHAHA! If you concocted an actual recipe for Dan’s request, you would be a kajillionaire.
Stacey Harrington says
I think I am married to Dan’s twin!
Jessica says
LOL. Only a man can turn a conversation about muffins into sex. Love it. 🙂
Janet says
I have the same problem with muffins. So I freeze them and then you can take out one at a time. It’s not as tempting to eat a frozen muffin.
Kim says
Hehehe, Hahahah, Hoohaooohoo.
Dan is a good calming influence for you. When all else fails, you just need to laugh.
dan zielske says
I saw the whoa in the draft on your desk. I thought your were getting overly clever.
Tami says
i can’t control myself around baked goodies either. i use to eat like 8 whoopee pies when I made them. I had no idea what the heck I was doing. it’s such an addiction to me. I feel like I sabotage all workout stuff I do and I start eating every cookie in the house
Mary says
My husband was asking for muffies the other day while we were grocery shopping. I turned with a look of “what did you just ask in the middle of the grocery store?” He started laughing and said…..Look, pumpkin is back on the shelves…I was hoping you’d make pumpkin chocolate chip muffins !!! LOL
cathy says
Gluten free? Hmmm. Im contemplating going sugar free, or at least as sugar free as I can get, meaning, Im going to have to give up pretty much everything, including my beloved Yoplait fat free yogurts.
So why the gluten free choice? and what are you gaining/hoping to gain from it? Curious minds want to know!
cathy says
Lets face it: we ALL could! lol!
cathy says
the weird thing is, i HATE bananas. I dont even like to touch them. But put them with some sugar and flour…. oh mama!
cathy says
see, you KNOW me.
Sadly, no. It was a flat out error. I cant claim this level of written sophistication as my own.
p.s. I love it when you read my blog and comment. maybe I WILL be making some extra special muffins just for you.
Sarah says
I thought it was a good idea to make the mini muffins; although, discovered you tend to eat EVEN MORE of those little buggers! I like to throw them in my freezer so that I can pull out one or two for a snack once in a while.
As for the sex muffins, I think that THOSE have a magic calorie burning ingredient in them… ENJOY THEM!
Marion W says
Just like a man!
Re muffins: FWIW, Laurel’s Bread Book has some quick bread and muffin recipes that are pretty decent and relatively healthy (whole grain and fairly low in fat and sugar). Also, sometimes it’s better just to buy a single muffin at the bakery, because at least you eat it and aren’t tempted by leftovers. That being said, I never met a carb I didn’t like, so I tend to bake rarely, but when I do, I make sure it’s worth the caloric expenditure (for example, home-made lemon meringue pie). Tomorrow (or today, actually) is another day, and one day won’t set you back unless you make it a habit, which I’m sure you won’t after all of your hard work this year!
Jill says
ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is the best! Sex muffins! ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CraftyCat says
Cute story. I am the same way, I quit baking b/c I was the only one eating everything I baked. My hubby doesn’t like sweets or baked goods but he may have a change of mind if its called “sex” muffins!
Christine Campbell says
LOL ya really gotta love that guy!!!
cathy says
thanks for the tip! : )
Jan C. says
My theory is that you need to bake regularly and know that you can get baked goods any damned time you want them because you are a goddess in the kitchen. Then you don’t ever do the desperation, I’d-better-have-just-one-more-because-God-knows-when-I’ll-ever-bake-again rampage eating. You eat one muffin, maybe two, and then you walk away to bake again another day.
It also helps if you don’t start baking until the kids are almost ready to get home from school. That way the bulk of the goodies get eaten right off the bat, you get your one serving, then they all come back for seconds before you have a chance to go overboard.
What do you think? Would it work for you? I just hate to think of someone swearing off baking!
cathy says
I know. I got all giggly again myself. Dude cracks me up sometimes.
cathy says
Hmmm. I like this idea. Plus, i can also give muffins to my construction crew here at the house. They LOVE muffins.
Andrea says
Reading through the comments is almost as funny as your post! Rounding down is something I learned a long time ago, but my kids figured it out. And Dan sounds like most of the (nice, normal) husbands I know – mine included! I think I’d like to try some sex muffins too…
As for Leslie who went G-free, I also am wondering why. I have celiac disease and learned that if I don’t try to find yummy GF substitutes for things like muffins, donuts, etc., the weight is no longer a problem. Plus it’s hard to get in a good run when you have the runs!
Maegan says
That is AWESOME.
KathyL says
LOL, this so made my day. Where can I get a “Dan”? I need this kind of humor on a daily basis. You think my husband would mind? LOL.
cindy b. says
Um…if you had six muffins of the recipe I sent you, you’d still have SOME calories left to eat supper! 😉
No worries!! We all have our days..hell, I have weeks like that…hee hee..ENJOY THE MUFFINS!! Isn’t that what all that exercise is for?!! 😉
Deborah says
Hum, I feel your bloated-ness. I have to bake brownies for my daughter’s school carnival on Friday, chocolate chip cookies for my son’s soccer game on Saturday, and then there’s trick or treating on Sunday. I pretty much don’t stand a chance, do I? But, that, my dearest Cathy, is why we run. And, what exactly is Dan doing in that photo? One glove?
Maryanne says
Home sick today and noticed your DIY Kitchen Renovations is on this week here in Canada. Loved the first ep and I’ve set the PVR to catch part 2 tomorrow (thinking positive that I will be better and at work tomorrow!) I’ve heard you mention it here before but I’ve never had a chance to watch it (the DIY channel only came to Canada last year).
Brenda says
If you happen to be a chocolate lover, it’s a good thing you didn’t put chocolate chips in them or you might have had more than six (I certainly would have). I guess that’s one of the problems with working from home – I like to bake but usually try to bring most of whatever I make into the office as soon as I can and/or I bring some of it over to the family next door.
cathy says
oh man, my television fifteen minutes of fame! LOL! enjoy how fakey we are on camera. ; )
Brooke says
My solution (that sometimes works) is to freeze them straight away. And maybe if you are lucky you will, in a few months time find an old muffin stuffed back in the freezer on just the day you need one.
Denise Rotell says
Cathy, you must laugh hard every day…your husband is hilarious!
Jill says
It just stays funny! LOL!!!!!!
Heather Tarrant says
Cathy, I just have to say that I love reading your blog! You make me laugh out loud every time and I love that. Your family is so lucky to have you. Thank you for sharing bits of your life!
www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawnmsL5B8zcVdmJ9j7tuOTkNHjrpWMDpY38 says
Can your hubby take mine out for coffee, cuff him upside the head and teach him about levity? Please?
JJ in Montreal
Joan says
That sounds like something my husband would say.
I also have a baking/eating problem. I made the yummiest cookies over the weekend and I think I am now about 10% cookie (averaged over the last four days). That’s why I work out.
cathy says
Well, he could certainly provide the coffee! (He runs espresso shops for a living.)
cathy says
Thanks so much! (I will remind them you said this… the lucky to have me part! ; )
Mary says
speaking of muffins, whatever happened to your new recipe album from earlier this year? I need to organize my recipe mess.
Tammy M. says
Haha…sex muffins! Now that’s funny…sounds like something my husband would say too and wholeheartedly stand in a long line for like those people do for those specialty shop cupcakes…yeah he’d be all over that…literally 😉
And that’s why I try not to keep too many sweets in the house cause I’m bad at it too…tomorrow is trick or treat night here…going to try to be strong, focus…don’t give in…unless there is a Kit Kat or Bit O Honey…I’m doomed!!
cathy says
oh man, its on hold. I have no binder to design for. sigh. I may have to just design for 8.5 x 11, but i really dont like big binders.
Kasandra from Canada says
Oh my goodness, loved this post Cathy!! Also loved reading all the comments….how funny. Need to remember to write the funny things down my family says and scrapbook them. Am off to make banana muffins…..
Karen says
Hi Cathy, let me assure you’re not the only one fibbing when it comes to accounting for freshly baked goods. Long story short – I once made a loaf of banana bread to “share” with my family except that by the time my husband wanted a nice thick slice of banana bread there wasn’t any to be had so he asked me what had happened to the loaf of banana bread that was here a couple of hours ago? I flat out lied and said the kids had loved the bread so much they had eaten it all!!! when it comes to freshly baked goods, no will power what so ever…LOL
MaryJo Materazo says
lol!!! u always make me laugh. love the way you write. as far as dan, that’s why u married him. i have one of those at home. always quick w/ a joke especially when i’m trying to be mad at him. love the picture too! thnx for sharing. don’t be too hard on yourself! dan isn’t AND you’ve done amazing so far. focus on the good, let go of the bad…..
Pilbara Pink says
Hi Cathy, loved the post and Dan’s reaction! However, on a slightly serious note I understand people expressing concern about you becoming too obsessed but remember that the slippery slope back to where you came from had a very slight angle on it!!! I lost 148lb and kept it off for two years. Over the past year I gained back 42lb before realising where I was heading and getting back on track. Thankfully I have lost 11lbs now and am confident I scared myself enough 🙂 My regain was slow and insidious – many people told me I was obsessive about what I ate and how I exercised. Most of those people were, and still are, overweight. I would not presume to know their motivation but I can suspect it may have been a form of jealousy, that they didn’t even know was there. No matter, what I did was my choice, not someone else’s responsiblity. I found myself having a bad day here and there, reacting to some family stress and health concerns by eating for comfort and also baking a lot more! I became a fan of many cooking shows and websites and generally thinking a lot more about food than I did while losing and maintaining my weight. I am not trying to be a wet blanket but just wanted to share my experience. You have to do what you have been doing to keep the weight off. If you can eat six muffins then more power to you 😉 I find a chart, yes like you do for children, where I put a sticker each day I stick to my plan (food and exercise)helps me identify over a month the most likely days for problems and also to be honest about how many days I make poor choices. In the past month I had six days without stickers – instead of feeling like I failed a lot I can look at the chart and think you know for most of the month I did pretty darn good! Sorry for going one but this subject is very close to my heart!
PS I am from New Zealand and here in Australia we get ribbed about our accent – apparently the way we say six sounds like sex to Aussies 🙂
cathy says
i LOVE the way you guys say six. I heard it in person when I was there in 2006. Loved it so much! : ) thanks for your comment, too. Im learning that poor choices are part of the process, but that its how I handle the next day and the day after that. Right now, back on track, even with a few muffins today! : )
Pilbara Pink says
Good for you – it really is all about balance, some days are up, some down. It is all good as long as the overall is on the right side of the ledger 😉
Crystal Cook says
That is the BEST muffin story ever! 🙂 Dan is awesome. I have a problem with baked goods too. I used to love to bake so much but then the pounds crept on and so I stopped. I miss it, but I’m scared to. Weight gain freaks me out in the worst way.
And dude, I’m doing P90X, since my treadmill is sick and it’s flippin freezing outside and it is kicking my butt in the best way. 🙂 Good luck Cathy! You can beat those muffins!
TerrieF says
I read this the other day and came back to re-read and I just have to comment that Dan’s answer was fantastic!
cathy says
yeah, i think hes a keeper.
Angie says
That picture of Dan cracks me up every single time I look at it!!! Priceless photo along with a priceless response.
Diane Campagna says
Yet one more reason why I know we must have been separated at birth. Only difference is, my husband would have counted the muffins thus making me make another batch to make it look like I only ate one. (Did I mention he can keep a measly pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer for two weeks, having a “bit” each day? Or that he has some freakishly super human metabolism?)
cathy says
that is freakish! LOL!
: )