When my Lucky jeans’ luck ran out

Cathy ZielskeCZ Life182 Comments

Nosolucky

I am 44 and 11/12ths years of age and me and my perimenopausal self are retaining two things today: water and a bad attitude.

This post won't be for the faint of heart or the easily offended, but it might be exactly what the neurotically driven and easily frustrated types are calling for.

But there I go already, talking about myself.

It all began a few days ago when I pulled my Lucky jeans off the rack in the basement where they spend their time drying (you didn't think I put my fancy Sweet n' Low jeans in the dryer did you? I'm not that masochistic). I knew they'd feel snug after a washing—even in cold water—because I wasn't born yesterday. I get how jeans roll.

Except that my oh so Lucky jeans were trying to roll over some new chub in my general ass region, and the region in question wasn't having any part of it. At least not willingly.

After pouring putting the jeans on, repeatedly assuming a tight fetal squat position and stretching with all my might, they still felt just a titch too snug.

Now don't get me wrong here, they were buttonable and all, but let's just say buttonable is a loose term compared to the last time they graced my muffin top-clad bod.

The problem really crystalized on Day 2, when I put them on for a second full day of wearing, and they felt exactly the same. Usually after a day they stretch out enough to make the second day a much more pleasurable and life affirming experience.

But this time? No noticeable shift in snuggage.

And then all of a sudden, everything felt too snug: my bra, my shirt, my vest, my socks, my underwear—even my glasses. I made a beeline to the Sweatshirt and Yoga Pant drawer in my bedroom, and officially gave up on being a presentable middle aged woman for that particular day.

Just like George Costanza said about sweatpants being a sign that you've given up, well… yoga pants say pretty much the same thing, ladies.

Here's where I tell you that today I'm struggling. Struggling with the day in and day out effort it takes to maintain a healthy lifestyle. If today is your Day 1 of the process, please, for the love of Jillian Michaels, STOP reading now.

The struggle is a part of this process, though. After 14 months of exercise, eating right, and a corresponding 30-pound-ish weight loss, I'll be honest: some things do get easier.

And some things ebb and flow.

Getting the muster to exercise is not a challenge for me any more. Sure, I'll skip a swimming day every now and then, mostly because I don't like the fact that on Thursdays, I can't get into the pool until Noon, and Noon is during my official work hours, and sometimes I think the need to earn income is more important than dousing myself in chlorine. But by and large, the exercise thing is not something I struggle with.

Right now, I'm struggling with what I assume the results should be with such a concerted effort on my part. True, I was playing fast and loose with Weight Watchers for a while there, but the past two weeks have seen me emerge as a model plan participant.

But that particpant's jeans are getting tighter, and no, it's not because my butt is getting more muscular. That I can guarantee you.

A one-pound gain at my bathroom weigh in on Saturday isn't exactly boosting my morale much either.

Don't get me wrong. I am neurotic where my body image and weight issues are concerned. I promise you that I'm working diligently to uncover the real truths in my life that cause me to have these particular issues. That said, it still doesn't erase the fact that some days, I'm going to feel unlucky in my jeans when they're feeling too tight for comfort.

I am going to question the work, the planning and the focus.

I am going to get tired of making the newer, more healthful meals that no one really likes as much as the older, less healthful ones.

I am going to wonder what it's going to take body wise and weight wise for me to stop beating myself up for any perceived lack of success.

I am going sometimes think to myself, "Aw, f#@& it. Those donuts aren't going to kill you."

My point today is that if you're in this process with me, you know that not every day is stellar. Not every day is full of wild success and inspiration. Not every day is going to feel all that lucky.

But the part that is pretty lucky? Each new day you're lucky enough to get is a fresh start to live the best possible life you know how to.

I'm still in. I just really needed to get that off my chest.

 

 

Cathy ZielskeWhen my Lucky jeans’ luck ran out

182 Comments on “When my Lucky jeans’ luck ran out”

  1. #1
    ZMc

    I know the feeling. Let’s just say that this week has not been stellar for me. I’m not giving up, but I know (and knew then) that I was making unwise choices and carried on. Let’s just say that life has thrown me a couple of curve balls in the last week or so and I was picking myself up and carrying on. Let’s just say that I know that this isn’t the way forward. But, like you, I’m still in. Let’s just say that!!

  2. #2
    Kyla

    Wow! You took the words right outta my mouth! After some awesome success back in October, I hit a plateau. Which I’m still apparently on. No improvements that I can tell. No noticable toning up of the abs or arms . . . it’s frustrating as HELL! However, like you, I have no problem getting out there and running. Simply because I love to run. I will continue to keep on keepin’ on. I know there are good days and bad days and I accept that . . . but I DON’T have to like it. And there is NOTHING wrong with having a yoga pants, donut eating day every now and again!

    Just remember . . . you are beautiful, and an inspiration to us all! You are LOVED!

    Happy Valentines Day!

  3. #3
    Jen

    Well, let me just say that yesterday was my fourth run… yes… inspired only by you… after watching you run for a year… I am not a natural born runner, by any stretch of my immense imagination. After reading your FB post one day, downloaded RLAM during the free week on Kindle and I was off… ran 3.2 miles yesterday… so, even if you are having an off day, you need to know how much you inspire the rest of us and keep going because you make me laugh my ass off and I love it. Thanks so much for keeping it real.

  4. #4
    Sarah

    I needed this today. I lost about 45 pounds over the last 8 months but have seen the pounds creeping back since the start of the year – this morning, officially 10 pounds gained back. For me, sometimes it’s just too hard to keep my focus on eating healthy and making wise choices. And for me, it does have to be a constant thought process. When I am successful at weight loss and even maintenance to an extent, it has to be my primary focus – I can’t be worrying about decorating my house or this great new series of books I love or new craft projects. It’s just really hard to maintain that kind of mental near-sightedness indefinitely.

  5. #5
    missys

    i feel the same way. i started in july and i got to my lowest in november but it is creeping back. i lost a bit of it, but still have 5 of the 18 i lost! i only need to lose 10 more, so that SHOULD be easy! i keep telling myself, i will start 100% again in march. i don’t want to be where i want to be before the summer?!? what kind of thinking is that? but this is my thinking….here’s to your luckys and my rerocks….we are lucky and we will rock this!

  6. #6
    Lee Currie

    Thank you, as always, for keeping it real, Cathy. You rock. I’m enjoying the journey with you, the highs and the lows. Have a great Monday! (and Tuesday, Wednesday, etc.)

  7. #7
    ali

    I’m on my 13 month exercise/diet regime myself and what I have learned is that your body gets used to the same exercise and sometimes you just have to shake it up and get out of your routine. It is a constant struggle and pounds creep up and then creep off. But the beauty is-you keep at it. So we many not be where we want to be right now, but you keep going and the results will show up again.

  8. #8
    Barb

    I”ve been a model eater and body-mover since early January. I lost 15 pounds right out of the gate and now nothing. Bam! Granted, I’ve been sick (but still exercising) and there is a huge family crisis going down, which I have no doubt is keeping the weight from letting go, but two weeks of nothing is really frustrating when you’re working so hard. I agree with Sarah, that it’s hard to keep that high level of mental focus all the time.

    Hang in there, you’ll be fine!

  9. #9
    Barb M.

    I love your blog because it is so real! You are human and not perfect. We all need to read that and remember that. Bottom line. You are so much healthier than the smoking, over weight, non-exercising you!

  10. #10
    Lori P.

    Hang in there! I’ve talked your talk and walked your walk. You’ll be better than fine! Thanks for being so honest and real–very refreshing compared to the “I’m Perfect” message everyone else is shouting on the Internet these days.

  11. #11
    katie squires

    Thank-you for the post. It feels good to hear that someone else other then myself struggles…yes your frustration makes me feel good? Is that bad? I exercise, I love exercising, but the food part is not easy and I don’t do so well…and its frustrating. So I say this, here’s to us (all of us) feeling GREAT about ourselves no matter what the scale or our clothes say because we are FIT!

  12. #12
    Petra from NL

    Just this morning when I went out to go to a Spinning class I was thinking: will I ever really enjoy going there? Will I even crave it one day?

    Thanks for giving us this little peek inside your head.

  13. #13
    Kris Z

    Thanks for sharing that Cathy. As someone who has beem plateauing since November. Yes, 3 flpping months of one pound up, one pound down – I can understand your frustration.

    What I keep telling myself is this – spring is just around the corner and the outdoor runs are coming back. I’m hoping the fresh air and birds chirping will knock me out of my ketchup chip eating, yoga pant wearing mood for good. Or at least until Christmas. 😉

    Kepp at it – you’re doing a great job!!

  14. #14
    Christina

    Cathy, you’re not alone. Since the new year, I’ve been going to the gym 6 days a week (sometimes 2x a day) trying to eat more healthful, drinking loads of water — basically all the things you’re supposed to do while dieting. And Im not really seeing any results. At least you’ve got your weight loss photos as inspiration. Good luck to you and send a little this way too, please. Have a fantastic day!

  15. #15
    Nancy McM

    Thank you Cathy for sharing that. It’s easy to feel like I’m the only one in the world with the struggle, and it really is helpful to read that others are in the same boat. Hang in there Cathy and other readers, and I will too. Oh and Happy Valentine’s Day!

  16. #16
    Barb

    Ebbs and flows in energy are normal. I’m glad you’re hanging in there, Cathy. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks and am feeling the tightness in my jeans too. I think I’m back on track though. Hopefully I’ll be able to resist all the heart-shaped chocolate today!

  17. #17
    jo marks

    thanks for your honesty cathy, i only just started getting fitter/healthier, but walked 5 out of 7 days last week, which is huge for me – and you are one of the reasons why i stuck with it. i want to lose about 5kgs, but mostly feel healthier and increase my chances of being around for another 44 years! i hope tomorrow is luckier for you 🙂

  18. #18
    Brenda

    Venting is always good. Just make sure that, instead of wallowing in your tighter-than-you’d-like jeans you spend some time floating around in your feel-how-far-you’ve-come sweats that you used to wear when you started the journey. Keep up the great work!

  19. #19
    Rebecca

    Hang in there. I’ve been exercising faithfully for years and still have days like that. These middle forties can be a drag can’t they?!

    Get some new tunes on your ipod and have a great run today. 🙂

  20. #22
    cathy

    Okay, Jen… that is amazing. Seriously. And i KNOW what it is to go from, “I don’t run,” to “I just ran 3 miles.” Thanks for sharing this. And yes, no worries, I’ll be keeping it real all year long!

  21. #23
    cathy

    Sarah, yep. I feel you. I cannot lose focus for long. My body simply won’t allow it without packing on poundage that I really don’t want back. Sometimes, it just feels good to vent, be honest, and then realize, “Okay, I got this. Carry on!” : )

  22. #25
    cathy

    Ali, i KNOW that I need to shake up my routine. What’s hard for me is that I like my running and swimming. But, this week, I’m planning to go take a mat pilates class at my YMCA to see how that goes. Plus, biking season is just around the corner here in MN.

  23. #26
    Kristen Carpinello

    Amen, sister. As someone who for the first time in her life has a bigger gut than butt which no longer goes away after a few days or a week of eating smarter, I hear you. The forties wreak havoc on the metabolism, and it is a struggle sometimes to keep the faith. Hang in there, you have many, many women who identify and understand.

  24. #27
    cathy

    Thanks, Barb. Believe me, I DO try and remember how good all of these changes have been for me. Heck, I’m coming up on FIVE years since I last smoked a cigarette. It’s all good, even when it’s a struggle.

  25. #28
    cathy

    Ha! I’m saving the “I’m Perfect” post for another day. LOL! I don’t want to come off as whining about this process, but I just kind of have to say what I feel, because I know that this is NOT an automatic or easy thing for MANY of us. : ) Thanks for the comment.

  26. #29
    cathy

    Katie, it’s called commiseration, baby. I want people to know that frustration is so much a part of this too. Also that I struggle a lot with things like body image. Have for years. Probably my whole damned life. Sigh. Thanks for the comment, mama!

  27. #31
    cathy

    Maybe i need to accept that yes, I’m at a plateau, and I just need to keep moving ahead, and things will start to move when I tweak things up a bit!

  28. #35
    cathy

    Amen! I do wonder too how my age is factoring into all of this. I just want to keep moving and learn to feel good in my own skin. Plowing ahead.

  29. #36
    C Ingram

    I so understand what you are feeling, and I have only been eating less since Nov 1 …. and not Moving More at all. I have been eating Paleo (veggies, fruit, grass fed meat and good fats) along with my hubby since Nov 1 and have lost 27 pounds, but have lost not once single pound in the past few weeks. I know I have to exercise (mm) to keep it coming off, but finding it so hard to find the time while working at home and running after a 20 month old. I am still in, you have been a huge inspiration, and it is nice to know I am not the only one struggling. Go us!!

  30. #37
    Tammy M.

    Amen Sister Zielske!! As I sit here in my jogging pants…you know, the cousin to said yoga pants…I feel ya! Thanks for keeping it real!

  31. #38
    Laurie

    I really empathize with you, Cathy.

    This past fall I went to the doctor for my well woman check. I’d avoided the scale (and the appointment) for quite awhile. I’d turned 50 last January and HATED it. I knew, just knew, that my weight was going to be up. I avoided everything I could so I didn’t have to face the truth. However, I needed a prescription refill and the doctor wouldn’t do the refill without seeing me and so, I decided I needed to get on the scale to see what I weighed, to prepare myself for the bad news at the doctor’s office. I hopped on the scale with eyes closed, and then opened my eyes to see . . .
    Huh? I weigh 7 pounds LESS from the last time I weighed myself? Not possible. My pants are tighter. I had to get rid of some of my pants. I have had to buy pants in a size larger, a size I haven’t worn in six years.

    The scale is wrong, is what I assumed. I went to the doctor’s office, got weighed in, and the same thing-7 pounds less. I told the nurse that there was a problem with the scale so she took me to another scale, and. . . again, 7 pounds less than the previous doctor’s visit.

    So, I weigh 7 pounds less but the same clothes don’t fit. I’ve turned 50 (51 now-and let me tell you, turning 51 was no big deal, it was turning 50 that was hard) and things move around. I am trying to eat healthy and to move more, but I’m not getting the results I want. It really sucks some days!

    Thanks for being so honest in your posts.

  32. #39
    Caroline Stroh

    This may or may not make you feel better, but your posts and progress over the last year have really inspired me. So much so that I have lost 15 pounds since December 26th (not to mention a few inches). My weight has always been an issue, but became a HUGE issue after my hubby was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer 3 years ago. Let’s face it, eating feels great…until it doesn’t. And having 2 unhealthy parents is not going to help my 16 year old daughter!

    Seriously Cathy, you showed me it can be done – even at “our age” and in the depths of Minnesota winter. Don’t give up. And you are right. The occasional donut WILL NOT kill you.

  33. #40
    Cheryl

    I’m with you. This middle 40’s and perimenopausal stage is a killer. The less I eat (and I eat smart, too) and the more I exercise (every single day now) and not a single pound is shed. Right now I’ve decided to just not worry about what the scale says and how my clothes fit (just wear the looser fitting ones for awhile) because I’m doing all the RIGHT things, my mind knows that – it’s just my body that needs to catch up. Happy V-Day and thanks for always keeping it real!

  34. #41
    Kim Colledge

    Thanks, Cathy, for your honesty. It was just what I needed, if you can believe that. I have put off joining weight watchers for a year now, even when my husbands insurance will cover the cost of meetings if I lose 1 BMI every 60 days.
    I am TERRIFIED of failure. When I read your post I realized (at least for the moment) that it is okay and there will be bad days but the benefits are greater.
    So, again, thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the very ugly. Even on your bad days you inspire!

  35. #42
    Lindsay

    Ha, show me a mid-40’s woman who doesn’t have weight issues and.. I don’t think that they exist. The temptation to eat the whole box of donuts doesn’t go away and neither does the weight until somebody as inspiring as you comes along. I’m still getting my head around the ‘eat less, move more’ mantra, and am beginning to see some slow results when I go with that process. It isn’t as easy as gaining the chub. But it’s a really important personal achievement

  36. #43
    cathy

    Yep, I know that time and age dont necessarily help the process. Not that I dont want the time. I want to get very old! : )

  37. #46
    Laura

    You look and are absolutely amazing and I am so thankful you share both your victories and struggles with us. I too am going through that struggle-not losing anymore weight after losing 20 pounds, but I am not eating like I should and need to be more consistant with working out. Thanks for being you and helping so many of us along this journay of life!

  38. #47
    AmySorensen

    Ok, all these comments about the 40s being difficult, metabolic-wise, are freaking me out. I thought the **30s** were bad and you’re telling me it gets worse?

    Holy crap.

    I’m at this spot where I cannot lose weight. I’ve tried all the tricks and it just does. not. matter. Nothing budges. It’s been this way for MONTHS. I’m getting desperate here.

    None of which is going to make you feel any better, unless empathy is a cure-all.

    I am wearing yoga pants right now as i write this comment!!! 😉

  39. #48
    Cynthia Friese-Hassanein

    Oops! I wrote a post and error occured:( Here goes again:) Thank you Cathy for keepin it real as always. It is such a process!!! Have you read A course in weight Loss by Marianne Williamson? Holy buckets I picked that up a couple of months ago and what a profound book!!! I have been savoring every page and working through the lessons slowly. I just got the courage to create a post on it, now that it is sticking. I am so not one to link ever, but here goes http://cynthiafriesehassanein.typepad.com/storyboardc/2011/02/a-course-in-weight-loss-1.html
    If it can help anyone the way it has me to understand the process of making that connection:) I am all for it. Thank you for all the inspiration as well!!!!

    PS Thanks for the Move More- Eat less Journal:) It has been a wonderful component!!!

  40. #49
    Jen

    It is your blog–you can say what you want! 🙂
    But let me remind you how MANY women you have inspired over the course of this last year, myself included!!!
    You have a whole gaggle of women who are moving more and eating less. Women who ARE running in spite of thinking, “I am not a natural runner.” Women who have decided it is time to ditch an overprocessed eating life and eat foods that are truly good for them. That is the victory!!!
    We all struggle. We all want a donut. We all have days when we say, “$#@&! it!”
    We love ya! Bad days and all. Thanks for keeping it real! 🙂

  41. #50
    Melanie Hughes

    I think your weight loss is fantastic and the photos prove it. I’m using your photos as inspiration until some of my ones start to look a bit more positive. I’m trying to eat smarter and move more, I’ve joined a gym that has creche so I can get there but of course life smacks you in the face and my 3 kids aged, 3yrs, 1yr and 5mths,came down with Chicken pox, so that’s on hold. I’m thinking more about what I eat but am bad for reaching for the junk food when I’ve had little sleep. But looking at it with the glass half full, despite all this and feeling incredibly despondant about it all, I somehow managed to lose 1lb this week. Anything is better than nothing right??!

    But thanks for keeping it real and hearing that others find this process hard too.

  42. #51
    Beth Holmes

    “the neurotically driven and easily frustrated types”
    Thanks for writing a post JUST for me! 😉

    I too am struggling, but haven’t gotten nearly as far as you — I am trying to grasp the idea of slow and steady and small incremental changes. Instead I have one perfect WW week followed by 2-3 terrible weeks. I am trying to really focus on saying no to perfectionism and yes to those small changes. To focus on how good exercise and eating healthfully make me feel — rather than on the deprivation of not being to eat everything in sight that I want all at one time. Thank you so much for the inspiration you’ve given me over the past year. Keep up the great work and the honesty.

  43. #52
    Melanie

    Ah yes. Just yesterday, after putting on my 2nd pair of jeans – I commented to my husband, that I just felt “stuffed” in them. And you’re so right – it was no longer just the jeans … it was my sweater – my bra – ugh. It all felt wrong.

    I’m definately feeling disconnected to how great I felt over the summer. Spring fever maybe?

  44. #53
    Heidi

    Cathy – always love your honesty. I even think it is optimistic to just rant and then keep carrying on 🙂 I call it realistic optimism 🙂 And that’s how I describe myself. But, I hate to say this…but I will anyway… I’ve watched a lot of people make a change in their lifestyle in terms of eating & exercising (my Master’s degree is in exercise & wellness) and for whatever reason…could be how the stars were aligned, how their genes and/or hormones worked, how they were located in relation to the equator, I don’t think we’ll ever know EXACTLY even though we’d love to (and it sure would be easier!!) but some people just held that weight (and in certain areas too just to complicate it) tighter than others, but the LONG HAUL is the key!!! It will pay off even though the ins & outs and daily can sometimes suck bum. Heck, I say this to myself as much as you!!!!! Not reassuring but I need to pull a photo of 2 people I am thinking about in particular. One was one of my profs during my Master’s degree. She was mid-40’s at the time. She was putting in the time, doing the work, etc. (in other words, working out–running & walking I believe, and she was watching her food intake/diet), and it didn’t look like it was “working”. I saw no discernable change in her for seriously like over a year. I couldn’t believe it. I would have given up for sure, just to note, if had been me. Not because I’m not a motivated, driven, persistent person but because I’m not very patient as it is (for a saint of course 😉 ha)but I’d have been as frustrated as heck. And then it was like, boom! She lost it all quickly and I couldn’t get over it. It defied any way I had ever seen anyone lose weight and change appearance. She still looks fantastic. And you do too!!
    Heidi
    PS The body image perception — totally another post/comment 🙂 Once I have some “answers”, I’ll comment 🙂 haha.

  45. #54
    dawn

    Thank you for keeping it real Cathy, that’s my favorite part of your blog. It’s good to know your human like the rest of us. I have to say though you are still awesome and you inspire so so many of us, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Would never have dreamed I’d be outside running and enjoying if not for you. We all have our bad days but like you said the next day is a new start and new day and this is real life we will have those bad days and you deserve to have a few for all the hard work you do. I think you look ammmmazzzing and you still have it girl. Happy Valentines Day and hugs!

  46. #55
    cathy

    Amy, i have to believe it does get worse. I mean, it just seems to be an undeniable fact. Im not trying to just buy into the myths, either. But I know that my metabolism is NOT what it used to be. Not by a long shot. I think starting last year, I realized: it is time to move it or throw in the towel and suffer all the health consequences that will come with it, not to mention the emotional ones that come with weight. Man, Im sure not a cheery cupid today, am i? ; )

    p.s. I will be wearing yoga pants today as a sign of solidarity, not of giving up!

  47. #58
    Alis in Wnderlnd

    We’ve all been there. I love reading your posts because you are so inspiring. I’m down about 44 pounds in a 1.5 years, but not from exercising. just from eating better for me, and for me that means no sugar or simple carbs. Just seem sot be how my body works. But not that I’ve lost that–I still have 15-20 to be ideal weight medically–I know that the hardest part for me is going to be maintaining, and to maintain, I am going to have to add in exercise. (I always knew that, but now it’s smacking in the face.)
    I kept getting injured when I worked out because I was trying to do too much too fast for my weight and ability. I no longer hurt when I move, and I no longer get winded when I run up and down the stairs chasing my 3 year old. That tells me that I am in a better place to successfully start Couch to 5K! YOU are motivating me and I thank you.
    I no longer cry when see myself in the mirror and I no longer compare myself brutally to stick figure women. Personally, I needed to get past that before working out. (Plus, I had horror terrors trying to find workout clothes that I could be seen in public wearing. THAT’s a whole ‘nother topic that is really not fair to plus size women!)
    Okay, I’m going off on tangents badly now. Still, you really need to know how many people you’ve inspired! THANKS!

  48. #59
    cathy

    Thanks Jen. I also think there is inspiration in commiseration, you know? Anyone who thinks Ive got this figured out is delusional. ; ) Im like any other woman who is trying to figure it all out. And I really do mean all of it. : )

  49. #60
    Cynthia Friese-Hassanein

    I would say it is more spiritual based:) But, Marianne does a good job not sounding too Religious. I would say there is something for anyone in there. She wrote it for Oprah originally:) after a conversation they had.

  50. #61
    cathy

    Heidi, you know, there are other things factoring into this too… one thing I neglected to mention, conveniently, was that last December, I started saving points to have hot chocolate, a HUGE mug, every single night. Well, the ingredients in that cocoa? You cant pronounce most of them, and there are at least 3 partially hydrogenated somethings in it. I finally said last week, points allowed or not, this crap is NOT good for my bod. I gave it up on Sunday. Making one concession of junk disappear.

    Im also hoping if i make some changes to the workouts (biking season is just around the corner) that it might also help a shift begin. Thanks for your comment.

    Yeah, the internal stuff and self image? WHOLE other can of therapeutic worms.

  51. #62
    cathy

    I am always amazed what a conversation begins here on the days I write about this. Its much more interesting some times that scrapbooking! LOL!

  52. #64
    Ldmaxwell

    Oops – I can’t even type this morning…..I was so happy to read your post. I have been very discouraged lately about my weight as well. I, too, have recently lost some weight – about 40 lbs in the past two years – and was feeling AWESOME about it – up until October or so. I have always loved exercising and have loved reading your posts and being motivated by your running and such. I have been doing the same and love it! In fact, I sometimes think I am addicted to exercise because if I don’t do it, I am ornery and frustrated all day! Eating, however, is another story. Starting around Halloween time and continuing through the holidays, I started slipping on my eating habits and since then have ended up gaining 8 – 10 lbs (depending on when I’m weighing in). It’s DEPRESSING!! I’ve been working out hard since the beginning of the year, but am not seeing anything come off. And like you, my jeans are snug, certain tight-fitting tops are off limits, and I have to be choosy about what I’m wearing again….It’s sucks! I can’t seem to overcome the eating end of weight loss. I can’t pass up the good stuff. Anyway, I guess my point is that I appreciate you sharing your frustration today because I have felt much the same way lately and feel alone in my struggles sometimes. If I complain to my husband, he just tells me I look fine and I shouldn’t worry about it, but I can’t help it! It’s a daily battle! Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone! (And after reading some of the other comments, it appears there are actually many of us!)

  53. #65
    cathy

    Alis, it sounds like you have made some SERIOUS strides. Seriously. Good for you.

    Find an exercise you like (after finding the clothes, : ) ). For me, I really love what running does for my heart and soul, but its not for everyone. I love to swim, and bike too. But there are so many other things. Keep up the good work, woman!

  54. #66
    cathy

    Slow and steady is very hard to embrace at times. I mean, I watched Jennifer Hudson on Oprah the other day, and she lost 80 pounds? What the? In like, a year?

    Im thinking she was only about 20 pounds heavier than me at her starting place, and mine (175). But yes, the small victories, the slow and steady, the showing yourself you care about you… these are good things.

  55. #67
    Loydene

    Hear Hear!! I’m so glad to read this … especially today. Because today … I’m going back to the gym.. Okay … right now, this minute, I plan to go back to the gym this afternoon.
    But, in reading this today, I’m reminded of what I read yesterday … a bunch of other women struggling with weight, healthy eating and exercise right now. And, that affirms that what I am going through, right now, is …. not great but okay …. that I’m not a total loser (well, that should probably be a total NOT losing loser) … that life and life-styles ebb and flow — it is a marathon — it is a lifestyle — falling off the wagon isn’t forever — pull yourself up and start all over again.
    Gawd. I really despise Pollyannas!

  56. #68
    Jules

    Cathy, You have voiced exactly what I’m going through. I hate to use the expression that misery loves company, but I can’t help sense a kindred spirit in my moment of apathy. A few years ago I took some chub off by attending WW and exercising regularly. I hit a sweet spot and maintained for some time. But a few months ago I got lazy with my eating habits and veered from the course. I began to justify my eating habits by saying things to myself like “life’s too short” and “who am I trying to please anyway”? That line of thinking gifted me 8 pounds. I continue to work out and eat beautifully until what I call ‘the witching hour’, which occurs after my kid hits the sack and my butt hits the couch. Nasty habits die hard. Your post was the swift kick I needed. Thank you. I love reading about your journey, both the good and the bad. I truly appreciate how candid and real you are.

  57. #69
    Sherri Stone

    You said it all for me too:D I’m also eating more healthfully and moving more but seem to have bloating issues more often than not. This 46 year old body is going thru periomenopause naturally. My eyes are changing for the worse every month…moodswings…oh don’t let me get started! Just thanks for putting it out there Cathy!

  58. #70
    Michele Williams

    Hi Cathy,

    Maybe if you added some intervals to the runs you love so much????? Maybe that would help, that way your still mixing it up, but doing what you love. Good luck, you know you can do it, you already have. Just wanted to say that you inspire me to move more, I bought the Nike+ kit for my ipod because of you. Thanks for the inspiration!

  59. #71
    Cheryl M

    Gosh, I so needed to read this today. I would be happy though if I were HALFway to the point you’ve reached. I’m the world’s worst procrastinator and haven’t lost one damn pound this year. I find it too easy to say “I’ll do it tomorrow” and then tomorrow never comes. In my head, I really REALLY do want to exercise with the Wii Fit Plus we now have and the Cathe DVDs I have and the body ball and mat that I just HAD to have. Tell me I’m not just collecting this stuff!! Kick my ass for me and get me moving!!
    I’m so disgusted with myself.

  60. #73
    Luv2talk

    I know there’s a lot of substance there, but I am going to chime in and whine about the single line referring to ‘the healthier meals that nobody really likes…’. Yea, it’s true. I make them too, and I really like to think I’m doing THEM a favor too, but, really, everyone kinda forces them down, all the while wishing they were eating WHITE RICE, WHITE PASTA, and 2% MILK. It wears on a person; it really does. So, add that to the collection of thorns in your @ss on your journey to a healthier lifestyle. I will keep making those healthy dishes, and they will keep wishing I wouldn’t. Too bad.

  61. #74
    cindy b.

    Um….did you read my mind? SERIOUSLY. Your post came straight out of my brain. Your thoughts are EVERYTHING I’ve been feeling the past couple of days. SERIOUSLY. I hate to admit defeat by wearing sweatpants and/or yoga pants but I swear to god… those miserable days of PMS really want to make me throw my hands in the air and say…WHY? Why am I doing any of this when in a matter of a couple of days I am so bloated and feeling like a two ton tilly and my feelings of success and somewhat confidence seemed to have flushed down the toilet..SERIOUSLY. Thanks for keeping it real. Somehow knowing that someone else is feeling the same crap ironically makes me feel somewhat better. ROCK ON Cathy!!

  62. #75
    Cindy E.

    So nice to read your blog and commiserate with you the real struggle that I have always experienced when it comes to living healthy. Thank you for expressing this side of the journey, too. Those Lucky jeans are lucky to be hanging out with you period! Whether they’re hugging you real tight, or hanging nicely where YOU think they should! Or some days, hanging in the closet. 😀 Journey on!

  63. #76
    Another Sarah

    You took the words out of my mouth. 40 lbs. down, and gaining back every day. I’ve been up since 4:15 with a sick toddler, and I just don’t feel like trying today. Crap… I’m even wearing yoga pants. *sigh*

    I felt so good when I was losing weight. Why am I so unmoivated to get back to it? Seriously, I don’t understand how our brains work. Every so often, I think I’ll “treat” myself to something deep fried… and then I feel terrible and think “Oh, I’ll never do that again.” But, give if a few days, and that deep friend chicken seems like a “treat” again. What’s wrong with me? I thought we were supposed to learn from natural consequences.

  64. #77
    KathyinMN

    I’m with you Cathy. January wasnot a good month. But I kicked up the exercise and kept plugging. I’m on vacation this week and the sunshine and nice weather are making a huge difference. How do I know? I brought along my skinny shorts and actually got into them. Springs coming, and with it better days. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  65. #78
    Dana

    Sarah, you are so right! I was on the right path last year, starting about this time. Then, I got a shoulder injury, then we moved, and then had a big vacation. Watching everything I ate was no longer a priority and all my hard work went down the drain. I got back into the fitness routine 6 weeks ago and though I’m not losing incredible amounts, I am trying my best. I just wish that I could still be healthy without having to put everything else on the back burner. Maybe one day.

  66. #79
    amanda gibson

    Oh, Cathy, I am SO with you. As a long, LONG term WW member I’ve seen the ups and downs. I know some days are good and some days are bad (or should I say months?). But the fact that if I wake up in the morning and feel fat it ruins my whole freaking day…well, that just kills me. Am I that weak minded? Do I base all of my self esteem and happiness on being thin(ish)? Apparently.

    So I get that you need to blow off some steam. This healthy living thing kind of sucks sometimes. Sure it pays off in the end. Sure you feel better. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Some days I just want to eat M&M’s and feel sorry for myself. Thanks for not being afraid to do the same thing on your blog. It kind of made me feel a little better today (you know, cuz it’s a fat day for me). BTW – Happy Valentine’s Day! Take a moment and eat a heart shaped chocolate. Or maybe just a heart shaped fiber one bar. Either way you deserve it. :o)

  67. #80
    Betsy

    Cathy

    Thank you-this is exactly where my husband and I are right now. Fourteen months in and the last six weeks have been difficult and now it is difficult to button my jeans! We will get back there and we will continue on our healthy journey.

    Again thank you for being honest.

  68. #81
    MarionW

    Maybe it has something to do with winter? There are so many more food choices during the summer – all those no-points summer veggies – and it’s easier to make light summer meals. I think it’s instinctive that when the weather turns colder, we revert to caveman behavior and go for the heavier warming food (although donuts don’t really fall into that category). Also, living in polar bear climate probably doesn’t help in terms of your exercise options – it is more fun to exercise outdoors in summer. As for the perimenopause, this, too shall pass – although you will probably have to wait for several years, but we all get through it.

  69. #82
    JenCoen

    Amen sista!!
    I’ve been (for the lack of better words) starving myself of all that is carb and sugar and pumping myself with proteins and veggies and after a loss of 10lbs I’m not up 2lbs, without changing anything. Frustrating, yes. But your words remind me that not all days will be thumbs up! I wont give up, or give in!

  70. #83
    Laura Beek

    This reminded me a little of when I lost all my hair during chemo. I swore I’d never have a bad hair day again because having hair was more awesome than being a bald 30 year old woman. So now that I’m 35 I have hair again and I say that I have hair days, good hair days, and great hair days. It all makes me appreciate the really great hair days when I look back at where I can from. I wish I had taken a photo of my bod like you did at the beginning. It would be nice to see where I came from. I’ve lost 12 lbs. and you were my inspiration. Now that I’ve had surgery to put my bladder back in place I’m going to try running.I don’t really want to loose anymore weight. I do want to gain that muscle strength I’ve been missing since oh about 1995.

  71. #84
    Kim Woods

    I’m with ya! I can feel my butt crack wanting to pop out of the top of my jeans and am thankful for my longer tank top and longer sweater to hide my sins. I was doing great this weekend until I over-indulged at my friend’s 40th bday party yesterday. I did pretty much say fx@% it! Why not splurge and celebrate one of my longest, knowing bestie of 17 years! I’m on track today so far and I have to say, jealous of your yoga pants. Wishin’ I had mine on about now 🙂

  72. #85
    AudreyV

    Amen sister, I’m in the same boat and soooo frustrated. I lost the last 15 pounds last year, but gained 5 back over the holidays. Try my darnedest, they ain’t coming off easy. I thought I could have a piece of (early) valentine cake last night, one pound this morning. Really? I’m feeling like you, just need to stick with it, blah, blah, blah …. 😉

  73. #86
    MidniteScrapper

    I love that you are so publicly honest through your journey, Cathy, there is a lot of honesty missing when most people talk about their weight loss. It is refreshing to read that someone else shares the struggles that I occasionally have.

    And don’t beat yourself up – I have and love the Lucky Sweet n’ Low jeans. I find that they just plain don’t bag out and get looser like most jeans do the second day – a good thing for avoiding saggy butt. It could truly just be the jeans, you know!

  74. #87
    cathy

    you know, i know im a bit neurotic about my progress at times, but i feel that im also learning to realize, its okay to feel off and frustrated if you just feel it, and then move on. It IS frustrating to be moving and not seeing stuff come off. I hear you.

  75. #88
    Linda

    Cathy,
    Sometimes you never know why it happens- your post today really hit home for me- I had been doing so well exercising- doing Bar Method, running, riding- then I hurt my back- trying to do too much- it got better, then I’d do too much too soon and it flared again. Today I got up and realized the boobs looked smaller (though the bras tighter) because my belly was bigger. I had two cupcakes with coffee because my back hurts, I can’t exercise and why care? Why try?
    Then I read your post and it gives me hope. And to remember the meaning of caring and trying are to do so when it feels useless to try or care- I hope I’m making sense.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  76. #89
    cathy

    Jules, i hear you on that mind set. There are times when i think, Seriously? What does it matter? and I just want to throw in the towel. A woman who Ill call my therapist has told me that when I do that, its just childish and self-sabotage, because I actually do KNOW how to take care of myself properly with food and diet. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. : )

  77. #90
    cathy

    You know, I should do this and Ill be honest, Im a little afraid of them. I have this fear of being out of breath, and that if i push it too hard, I wont recover. I need to test this out though, rather than let my fear of pushing stop me from trying, and possibly seeing more of a benefit.
    Good advice.

  78. #91
    cathy

    Cheryl, I know that feeling. I do.

    Last year before I decided to give it a go again, someone did email me and told me, Cathy, dont be full of self loathing… that is a waste of your time. DO something. And Im not sure why, but at first, I was offended (How DARE you tell me what to do!) but then I was like, Oh my God… shes totally right. Im wasting valuable time in my life not taking care of myself.

    Dont be disgusted. Just do it. Slow and steady. Highs and lows. : ) Its all part of the process.

  79. #94
    cathy

    you know, i dont know how our brains work. I am trying to understand though.

    I do know that over Dec-Jan, I was dabbling in older eating habits, just to see how much I could get away with in terms of refined sugary crap and carbs. The answer? Not much, sister. Certain foods are like crack. And I think if I dabble in them, Im done for. The cravings dont go away, you know?

  80. #95
    cathy

    it gives me some comfort hearing other stories like this… you know? I dont go to WW meetings so i never hear anything other than the negative voices in my head. ; )

  81. #96
    cathy

    I am all for the day of splurge, although today being Valentines, I think, Man, id rather splurge on a big birthday dinner than this! : )

  82. #98
    cathy

    You know, Laura, your story is so inspiring, and you KNOW that. There are times when I think, Geez, Cathy… you need to embrace all the effort and just be thankful you get to be here every day! You know? Make the most of my days and shoot for a more positive outlook in this process, even when its not where i think it should be. And you know, the pics of you without hair? from the Digital issue? I was floored at how gorgeous you were in them. Just floored. : )

  83. #99
    Courtney Walsh

    Oh, Cathy. I feel ya. I am the queen of self sabotage. I’m down 18 lbs. since I got serious and 25 since we moved last August. I feel GREAT. But I’m TERRIFIED I won’t keep it up. Terrified that my late-night snack cravings will eventually get the better of me…that I won’t be able to logic my way out of them. that the whole “NOthing tastes as good as thin feels” thing will go straight out the window, down the toilet and put out to pasture along with my new sized-jeans.

    I KNOW this is part of it. I sometimes wonder if giving myself one good free day a week. no rules. No counting. COuld that be good for me? Or will that just make it worse?

    It’s such a delicate balance. A constant struggle. And most of it, let’s face it, is MENTAL. We’ve got to refocus when we want to throw in the towel. And it’s the hardest thing in the world to do.

    Just know you’re not alone.

  84. #100
    Lori Hudson

    Oh, the jeans too tight thing will ruin me until the weight comes back off! I recently went on a spontaneous trip to Belgium and hadn’t lost the annual holiday weight gain. It really affected my entire trip! I didn’t feel beautiful and sexy. I got to see friends that I haven’t seen in years and all I could think about was they must be thinking about how much weight I have gained! I wasn’t wearing sweatpants, but I sure wanted to. Surely every European was thinking “there goes another fat American.” How do you stop doing those mind F&@** to yourself? My friends love me for me not what size I am.

  85. #101
    Michell

    Thanks Cathy for sharing. I really needed that! I’ve lost my weight loss/ fitness cheering squad and now it is totally up to me to do it on my own. Totally terrifing. But I can do it. 50 down, 50 to go. Thanks again for the inspiration.

  86. #103
    cathy

    That whole idea of the one day a week. I wonder about that too. I am starting to read a number of books on the vegan lifestyle, not that i am planning this conversion any time soon, but… there is some good science in what they are touting. The idea of making a complete break from sugar is sound, even if it is a bit too harsh for me to consider right now. (I drink an instant Oregon Chai latte every day as my one treat, and it has sugar… but only 3 other ingredients, so thats not all bad!). Im actually considering dubbing march a meatless month, just to see how focused i can be on a healthy vegetarian approach.

    Not sure why i just wrote all that out. ha!

  87. #106
    Julia Spencer

    Like you, I am in a funk with my progress. My “skinny” jeans feel a little too skinny these past two weeks. I’ve eaten way too much chocolate too. (because it won’t kill me). And I’m not getting the strength built up as fast and steady as I was at the beginning. Although I see a change from the beginning, I still have a long way to go, and have plateaued. (or at least it feels that way.) I either need to eat less (which would completely suck!) or move more. I’m probably going to end up moving more. I need to. I think it’s the crux of my problem.

  88. #107
    Nina

    Just a little note to tell you you’re not alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and: hang in there! We believe in you! 🙂

  89. #108
    Heidi

    Oh, I’m suffering with you. Nothing worse than that feeling… Which I know, because after almost 2 weeks without running because I broke my big toe, my jeans are starting to feel rather tight too. And the new chocolate (dark chocolate, chocolate mousse and chocolate sauce in one) is so not helping!

  90. #109
    Jana

    You have so many fans following along with you, understanding where you are with this journey, me included! I’m the one that exercises while blog reading, and wanted to try venturing outdoors with the occasional jog. I’ve done that twice now, walking part of the way (why is it so much harder outdoors than in front of my computer?!) and it does feel good – new goals to strive for. It’s hard when you plateau though, and start climbing back up the other way! I’m still working on the eating part too…

    Last month I bought a pair of 501 Levis at Goodwill I just couldn’t pass up – they looked brand new, but were a size smaller than what I really needed. I could button them, they were snug, but wearable, so I thought “why not, I’ll eventually fit easily into them!” My husband agreed, good, snug, looked nice, so I kept them. I’ve worn them two times – once just for an hour before realizing if I wanted to keep breathing I couldn’t sit in them. Saturday I wore them the whole day since my usual woman’s jeans were being washed & hung to dry of course. Half way through the day I was wearing them with the top button unfastened. By the end of the day I had to change into sweats to comfortably watch a movie with my honey. 501 Levis don’t have spandex in their fabric like ladies jeans do – they don’t bend or move with you at all!! I still hope to fit in them eventually without gasping all day, but am realistic too – and looking still for that pair one size larger when I pop into Goodwill! ha.

  91. #110
    Jaana

    Five years ago I started on the road to better health, and unfortunately, for a few reasons (I could give you excuses until the cows come home), I fell off the wagon. Regained the weight and then some. So now, I’m embarking on a quest to find myself under all this “chub”, and it’s harder this time. I’m really encouraged and inspired by you and others around me who have gone beyond the fad diets and embraced a lifestyle change. It helps knowing I’m not the only one in the boat. Hang in there!

  92. #111
    pam

    I am so there with you, Cathy. I’ve had about 10 days of not keeping close track of what I’m eating and am definitely off plan. I’ve gained 2 pounds – I want to know how I can gain 2 in 10 days but it takes longer than that to get it off. I’m back on track today after making a grocery run to get ‘good’ foods. We all can do it!!!!!

  93. #112
    cathy

    Its definitely a lifestyle change. I cant dis fad diets per se, because if they work for some, well, they do… all i know is im trying to figure out how to live in the world eating and preparing real food, and moving my tushka. Good luck to you and thanks for reading my blog!

  94. #113
    Shelly

    I love your honesty! I am so with you! The sweatpants, the yoga pants, that fact that I wear the color black every stinking day. I remind myself to concentrate on making “better” choices daily. Better food choices, choices to exercise, choices on what to drink when I’m thirsty and when I’m naughty — I slap some really telling photo of myself on the mirror and say, “do you really want people to see you like this?”

  95. #114
    Lee

    Hi Cathy –
    I hear you!
    Two quick things:
    First, you have continued to inspire me ever since January 2010, for which, thank you!

    Second, when I did WW years ago I had my bloodwork done every three months, then every six months. My husband did too. Whenever I plateaued, I took enormous comfort in the “invisible” progress we both had made in getting our cholesterol, triglycerides etc. all into healthy ranges.

    So even if your lucky jeans are ticking you off, your heart is probably ticking a whole lot better!
    ;o)
    – Lee

  96. #115
    cathy

    That is true! I dont think Im meant to be a skinny minny girl, either. I need to be realizing healthy is what is good, and if these jeans never get any looser, so be it. they just cant get tighter. ; )

  97. #116
    Joyce

    I always love your refreshing honesty. Sometimes I read about how other people start exercising and eating right, and how quickly the pounds drop off, and I wonder what’s wrong with me. I have been diligently exercising for the past 8 weeks (inspired by you!), doing intervals, strength training, and eating clean – no sugar and processed foods, eating good healthy food. Then I look at myself, and I have seen absolutely no change. I am about the same weight and definitely the same measurements than when I started. I admit I am discouraged! The only thing that keeps me going is focusing on the fact that I have more stamina, I can actually keep up with the spin classes now without feeling like I am going to pass out. And I try to remind myself that even though I would like to look hot, it is more important to be healthy in the long run, whatever the scale and my jeans say. Even though it hasn’t been that long, I have been more disciplined about exercise and food than I have ever been in my life, so I need to remember to be proud of that. You have already jumped leaps and bounds toward good health, and have inspired so many of us to do the same. Be proud of what you have already done!

  98. #117
    Wendy Z.

    Wow! Sounds like the entire last week of my life. But look on the bright side….at least you weren’t feelin all perimenopausal (or in my case “premenopausal”) and turning 50 in the same week!

  99. #118
    cathy

    Love reading this Joyce. YOU too are inspiring. Its hard when we dont see the physical payoff, but… the fact that your stamina is up—the fact that I can run for an hour without being completely out of breath—these things are signs of better health!

  100. #119
    Drena

    ok, ignore this if this won’t work for you, but I stopped weighing regularly. (probably hard to do weight watchers this way) I now weigh about quarterly, but I felt it was stealing my focus away from health and loving my body. Unwanted and unneeded stress. I think we all know if we are eating well and exercising consistently and that those will keep us healthy. If my body needs to retain water some weeks, I’m not going to freak out about it. 🙂

  101. #120
    Pam

    I hear ya – some days I just want to rip open a bag of Lays sour cream and cheese potato chips and devour the bag. Oh well, deep down I know that won’t help.

  102. #121
    Rebecca Foxworth

    Go to amazon.com and order yourself “The Comfort Food Diet” cookbook. There are two. One is on sale for 7.87, the other is just over $10.
    I know, I know…I said I didn’t need another cookbook, either.
    But, wow…it’s my old recipes, only with less points. Yippee!!!
    TOTALLY worth the $20. From one WW to another…

  103. #122
    Deborah

    Amen, amen, amen, and amen. I’ve been totally stressed out from a bizarre flood of freelance jobs which makes me immediately pig out on as much junk food that I can find. Add to that, the flu has decided to take up residence in our house and in my head for the past few weeks, so I haven’t been able to hit the treadmill for almost a month now. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I so miss my shiny Sole F80, not too mention that jeans-fitting-good feeling. And, my girlfriend the doctor, keeps telling me that we all get heavier in the winter — something about way of nature; our body instinctively hangs on to extra fat, err energy, when the weather is colder, etc…bless her for trying to make me feel better. But, you know, I just keep telling myself that I’m in this for the long haul, and when my body is well enough I will start exercising again, because hopefully, God willing, I’ve got a lifetime ahead of me to keep racking up the mileage on old faithful. Jeans or yoga pants, you are still the sweetest stop in my day. Happy Valentine’s Day!

  104. #125
    Ami

    Cathy, After three years of walking and a lose of 40 lbs. I found a secret for me and hubby. I still make the recipes that we love only with better ingredients and I serve smaller portions (on smaller dinner ware) and I no longer crave foods that are bad for me. I eat in moderation and with pleasure. After all it is only one life and I want to enjoy it and the body I am living it in. Best of Luck. Happy Valentine’s Day

  105. #126
    Marianne

    In the spirit of keeping it real, I began my weight loss/fitness journey 4 1/2 years ago and I STILL struggle as you do. I went from 200 lbs to 130 lbs. For the most part, I am able to keep my weight between 130-135 by making extremely healthy food choices and working out 6 days a week (running, boot camp, cycling & yoga), however, there has been several times in my 4 1/2 year journey when I began to backslide and each time, the number on the scale and the fit of my favorite jeans clearly reflected my struggle (up to 148 my last go around). Each time this happened, I first had to forgive myself and then I had to re-lose the gained poundage (trust me when I say it gets more difficult each time). Like you, I have never struggled with the moving part, but unfortunately, one can’t out-exercise a bad diet! I have come to accept that it will always require a tremendous amount of work and discipline in order to maintain a healthy weight and a fit body. This is my reality. Sounds like it may be yours too. Though the mental shift has already occurred, we are human and we WILL falter. Just remember — SETBACKS AREN’T ENDINGS.

  106. #127
    AngMomof3

    Hey Cathy,

    I’m on month 13. I’ve been working out three days a week for a year. And thanks to you and a crazy friend locally (she’s a marathoner) I even am running once a week. My body and health feel great!

    I haven’t lost even a pound over the year, though. I eat terrible. Your beautiful pics and recipes inspire me (LOVE the lettuce wrap recipe you shared)and I’m so proud of you for making the extra effort to eat well. That’s my next step.

    And now I’m realizing that even my family needs it more than I. I’m the only one with regular physical activity. They’re slugs. And they’re eating my food.:)

    Time for me to look to those I love for inspiration to change. They need it too. Would that be something to help you?

  107. #129
    Ann

    I hear you. I’ve been a good WW participant until I turned 40 on Feb 4. Since then, I’ve gained a pound or two and have not tried to lose it yet. Today I even had a Costco hot dog and a full sugar Pepsi. That was 18 points plus! But, I was a good girl and tracked it and savored every mother-loving bite.
    The positive side to the weight gain is that I still have lost 20+ lbs and kept them off for 8 years. Now if only those pesky 15 lbs I keep losing and gaining would stay off. . .
    Stay strong! The donut really won’t taste that good. I swear it doesn’t. Save the points for a lovely glass of Zinfandel or two. 🙂

  108. #133
    Judith

    Cathy, I love that you can let it all hang out on your blog. That is so real. I struggle to own up to my own identity on line – tis easier to be anonymous sometimes…. as for the weight thing… I keep telling myself it is a lifestyle change and that its good for me and that I feel better when I eat healthier (which is all true) but damn it I want CHOCOLATE!!!! Hang in there. Sharing makes us stronger and we can support each other cos it is an everyday battle.

  109. #134
    jackie

    cathy, please know that all of us here love you and that you inspire us all. we are human, and we know that you will have your moments…just like us. i know you have it in you to get back into those “lucky” jeans. i know that i feel very “lucky” that i started this journey when you did a year ago, and i have made significant changes in my life. it is because you inspired me. thank you. don’t worry about the yoga pants, we still love you in them! thank you for being real and for being yourself. enjoy some chocolate today in honor of valentine’s day. ~hugs

  110. #135
    kristen

    Right there with you, CZ. Just had this convo with the hubs this weekend. I’ve been tracking my calories in/calories out…why the up one pound, down a pound, up a pound dance? Finally looked back at the food journal. My calories aren’t coming from the healthiest of choices. For my body, 100 calories of sugar just isn’t processed the same as 100 calories of complex cards and protein. Sigh. Why can’t life be easy?!

  111. #137
    Brenda

    I am so with you on the tight jeans – even the second day. I read your blog faithfully and started the MMEL this year. I have started in the right direction with the move more and even bought a treadmill so I could run without the excuse of the cold Canadian winter to stop me. It is the eat less I have been struggling with and to know that others struggle too makes me feel better. Thanks for sharing both the highs and the lows in the journey to a healthier lifestyle. 🙂 Happy Valentine’s day Cathy.

  112. #138
    LisaE

    Thanks for sharing ALL of your journey – the ups AND downs. As I write this, I, too, am in my yoga pants and sweatshirt. I’m feeling fat today. Had a BIG meal yesterday, and feeling fat. I’m not, but I feel that way. So I’m trying to convince myself that I can spare 30 minutes to work out before I do laundry, etc. and work on lesson plans. We’ll see. Thankfully, no matter what, tomorrow is a NEW day, ANOTHER day, and I am still a good person whether or not I work out, and whether or not I gain some weight. And you are, too. Hugs.

  113. #139
    Melanie K

    Thank you thank you thank you! I am on my third week of second time as a WWer (or is it really third?) First time I lost 65 lbs. 65. Pounds. Then I got pregnant with my third boy. Sigh.
    So here I am back at it and I KNOW that losing it is easy. It really is. It is the maintaining it that is so VERY HARD to do … I admit I am a food addict. But I can’t avoid food. And not having to step on a scale every week is/was my downfall.
    Anyway, just know I hear you loud and clear … but do NOT pick up the donut. In the end, it will kill you … or at least beat down your will. hey, you are the inspiration this time around!

  114. #140
    dena

    I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry at your post….just because it is all to familiar. I mean REALLY FAMILIAR, LIKE DAILY BASIS FAMILIAR. How many times have I done the bend, stretch and squat dance in front of the mirror to make the jeans feel looser. Don’t worry, I have also thought about NEVER washing them. It is such a battle and dilemma. Happy when we eat the food we love, BUT happier when we love the way we look and feel. I am always so envious of people who just eat to live, where there is no food issues surrounding them. I console myself by saying “but maybe they have other issues”. You most certainly are correct in saying how lucky we all are to WAKE up every day to a FRESH start. Wow, I certainly feel like a part of the furniture at WW, having followed there program off and on for so many years. This year, I’m going to do it again. I’m going to be the best ME!
    This quote always makes me smile:
    “”In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
    — Erma Bombeck

  115. #141
    chris

    Love your postings! After working out for 30 days, following the 30 Day Shred program, I haven’t lost an ounce or an inch. I went to the doctor for Cytomel (I’m a thryoid patient – have no thyroid) and thought that might boost my metabolism. Only thing it boosted so far was my heart rate and I only took half a pill! I’m still at it looking for my “magic pill,” figuratively speaking. I picked up an old 1980’s book and exercize program on DVD – Callantetics. Remember that one (you might be too young for that). Back then I couldn’t afford it and didn’t have a VHS player. I’m working that in to the traditional exercizes to see if has that extra boost that my body seems to need. Dang, once you reach a certain age it sucks! SUCKS! SUCKS! SUCKS! Please keep up this type of posting. It is so refreshing to read reality rather than some of the other blogs with perfect kids, house, etc.

  116. #142
    Shirley

    After work tonight my friend and I headed to the mall to start our 6th week of walking. Since we started we’ve logged 67.5 miles! Yeah us! The ironic part is I keep telling her how your Move More Eat Less and especially your photos and journaling have motivated me to get my butt moving. I’ve been following since you started and every month I promised I’d start. Well over a year later, I finally did. Turning 60 has made the weight/fitness struggle even harder but we are going to do it and YOU motivated me and got me started. So thank you for that. Keep going Cathy. We can do this!

  117. #143
    Sar W

    Thanks for sharing, good to hear I’m not the only one that has days like this…sorry that your pain made me feel a bit better…but i had a day just like this yesterday and kept telling myself – just start again, just keep going….and I did that because thats what you do. Thanks for sharing the bad days as well as the awesome ones, it means heaps to the rest of us on this journey that we aren’t ‘abnormal’ for feeling this way. xx

  118. #144
    Barb in AK

    Cathy, Thanks for today’s post. It really IS a Valentine present to us. I appreciate reading about your ups and downs, the good times, the frustrations. Helps me know I’m not in this rowboat alone 😉
    I probably mentioned this before, but I started working out at a gym and walking 5 days a week last August. Since then, I have lost exactly…………….zero pounds, zero ounces! At least, I can brag that I haven’t gained anything!
    I have become very discouraged. Friends try to encourage me by telling me I am gaining muscle. Not so, dear friends. And my clothes are just as tight on me as ever 🙁
    BUT, today I had my annual physical. My blood glucose was DOWN from last year! Praise God! My bad cholesterol was DOWN from last year! Whoopeee! I am going up and down stairs without pain! And instead of right foot on the step, left foot on the same step, right foot on the next step, left foot follows…. I can actually go up and down stairs like a “normal” person!! Yippeee! So I guess there are other benefits besides taking the weight off, eh?
    My doctor reminds me to decrease the sugar and snacking (I’m trying), watch portion size (which I am guilty of continuing, even though I KNOW I need to eat less, I’m just not there yet!) But my “innards” are responding so well, I feel I have had a victory! 🙂
    We will both continue to hang in there, and now that we’ve felt a bit of warm up these past few days in the 10,000 lakes state, maybe we can get something positive going on soon 😀

  119. #145
    Lyndel Churchill

    Hi Cathy. This 45 and 1/12ths year old woman got congratulated on her pregnancy last week. I’m not pregnant – that train has long left the station. The sad thing is that even though I’ve been sitting reading about your inspiring journey this past year, it was this particular kick to my ego that got me off my chair and onto the exercise bike. I’ve started with 20 mins a day every day and have managed to string 10 days in a row. Not liking it but doing it in hopes that it will get better – a lot of things are like that in life I guess. Thanks for telling it straight.

  120. #146
    dpdenise1020@aol.com

    Cathy, I have been reading about your journey and wishing you much luck. I have just won a makeover at a local gym which will include 3 training sessions a week for 10 weeks, a nutritionist, teeth lightening, hair/makeup. I was so happy at first and then the doubts kicked in. If I couldn’t succeed with this much help, I would NEVER succeed at losing weight. I begin Thursday and I am excited/scared at the same time. Wish me luck.
    Denise

  121. #147
    Artsysue

    I hear you Cathy! From one muffin topped one to another, I lost 35 lbs on weight watchers about four years ago, and a few have crept back on lately. Even though the same jeans fit they don’t seem to stretch as well as they used too :). I’m convinced the perimenopausal thing is somehow a part of it and I will persevere! When its discouraging I look at a picture of myself before (which I know you often do) and I say AT LEAST I DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT! Even if I’m not at goal, I am SO much better off. I’m proud of myself for that, but I still hate this muffin top :).

  122. #148
    cathy

    Judith, I actually do struggle a bit with online identity too. This is my way of putting something that is very real in my life out there. : )

  123. #150
    cathy

    We are definitely still good people. Sometimes, Im really torn on this whole thing. I post about my struggles, when i wonder, Why cant I be one of those people who just dont care what my body looks like? You know? What is up with this whole thing? And yet, no answers this morning! : )

  124. #152
    cathy

    I have found that some of the fittest people I know are also obsessed with food, body image etc. They just manage to limit what goes in more than some. Although I also know people who just eat to live, and seem fine with that. My hubby is one of them. Ive never seen him sit with a bag of chips. Ever. Not one time in 22 years of knowing him. He has weighed the same, more or less, for years. : )

  125. #156
    cathy

    No perfection here. I mean, yes, my kids are awesome, but then again, I dont post about fights and transgressions. ; ) Everything else in my life? A wonderful mish mash of perfectly ordinary madness. : )

  126. #157
    cathy

    Wow, that is a quite a gift to win! Well woman, take advantage of ALL of it! Kick the doubt to the curb. Seriously. This is a HUGE jumpstart. I wish you luck!

  127. #158
    cathy

    Yeah, Im really going to examine my diet in the coming weeks. i wonder just how much the little bits of processed and refined sugar keep my muffin top firmly in place. : )

  128. #159
    cathy

    I think sharing the blahs is also a part of community and inspiration. I LOVE reading that other people get this, and are in the same boat. It helps me to feel a little less neurotic, and more in the norm!

  129. #160
    cathy

    Oh Lyndel… I hope you promptly punched that person with a swift right hook! That happened to my best friend once, and she was pretty bummed.

    Just keep it up. Use that bike. Think to yourself, Is 20 minutes in my 24 hours too much to ask for? and the answer can be, Heck NO! I always look at my workout time as time to say, Hey, body…thank you SO much for keeping me alive and supporting me all these years. Im sorry Ive treated you like crap. Im making up for it now!

    : )

  130. #161
    Lori Massicot

    I feel the same way you do. I am almost the same age and in the same boat about two weeks out of the month. Totally frustrated and feeling like I can’t even come up for air before the next round of crankiness, tiredness and bloat hit me. I just keep telling myself to take one day at a time. Trying to lose the last 10 pounds…..is (sometimes I feel) killing me;O Thanks for the post…needed it today:)

  131. #162
    Shannon

    You need to do what makes you feel the best. This is a lifestyle change and if you can’t sustain it then you need to adjust to what you can. Your great on the exercise and it won’t kill you to eat not so good but in moderation.
    I still really think that what you need is a change up on the exercise… right now you rock the cardio but at our age we need to be building our muscle back up. Increasing your muscle increases your metabolism. Muscle burns fat! Good luck and by no means are you alone.

  132. #163
    Lyndel Churchill

    Thanks Cathy for this piece of personal inspiration, it means a lot. I was up at sunrise for a walk to the beach – it’s gonna be a good day. Hope yours is great too.

  133. #167
    Judith

    thanks for taking the time to reply. today is better than yesterday for me. I hope it is for you too 🙂

  134. #168
    ~M~

    Cathy thanks for being real. Sometimes I get so sick and tired of all the unending “my life is so fabulous” I see in scrapbooks and on scrapbook blogs. Life has challenges! We all have to struggle through them.

    Good luck with you and thanks for inspiring me to run.

  135. #169
    ~M~

    We have a biological imperative to pack on fat. It is in our genes. Especially in winter when it’s cold, our primitive brain thinks only of survival.

  136. #170
    cathy

    Oh, Im keepin it as real as I know how. Wait till I do a post on my college dorm room bedroom decor… ha! (because things in my bedroom I have today, I had in college. Aw yeah!)

  137. #171
    Noël

    Cathy,

    This post is awesome. I love every bit of it. I especially love that I can almost hear you saying the words as I read them. You are an incredible writer. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there for us to take it all in!!!

  138. #173
    rachael robinett

    omg Cathy you and i are having an identical day. we are living parallel lives! thank you, i needed to hear all of that. you actually made me giggle a little. i don’t think i’ve done that today. you’re the best!

  139. #174
    Anna

    Thanks for keeping it real.

    And may those donuts tempt you less tomorrow. Lets not talk about the time I got three at the Krispy Kreme drive through and at them all on my way home from work. I may have been pregnant, but still…not my proudest moment.

  140. #176
    Lourdes

    You seemed to have been channeling me, or maybe I was channeling you….whatever! I feel the same way and am so darn glad that I get to start fresh again!

  141. #177
    Kristi

    Forgive me. I’m going to sound like an ad. Have you ever tried an HcG diet? It takes off the really tough weight that exercise just doesn’t touch for some of us (after a certain age, ahem…). If you get a really good quality homeopathic spray (rather than injections or cheap, diluted spray) the weight comes off so quickly. I know quick isn’t always best. But my husband and I have had such amazing success with it. Our issue now is learning how to maintain once we’ve reached our desired weights (which was lower than we ever dreamed we could get to). We took off 20 pounds each in 6 weeks. But after a lifetime of poor habits, we’re now learning to do the hard work of changing our eating and exercise habits to match our new look, which we love! To me it sounds like you are already doing the hard work of having different eating and exercise habits, if you could start from the place you wanted to be. Might be worth researching. Dr. Simeons researched this years ago, and now his method (or nearly) is available homeopathically, so your body makes the hormone you need. One warning: you can’t cheat on this diet while you’re on the spray. At all. If you’re a cheater, it’s not for you. You have to be able to go 3 to 6 weeks without cheating. Totally doable for me, since you can lose 1/2 to 1+ pounds each morning. Excellent motivation! I know it’s not for everyone, so sorry if this is an obnoxious suggestion… 🙂

  142. #179
    Brooke

    Ah. I stopped by here today with just the hope of finding something like this (oh, sure I had to get here through a link from a more recent post but STILL). There is just a special kind of feeling as you stand, sweaty from a big work out that you managed to squeeze in between active parenting and work, thinking ahead to the piece of string cheese that is your snack and the salad that is you lunch, and see that the scale has not moved from last week, despite your efforts…the miles run, the faculty meeting brownies turned down…
    and it is nice to know that someone else has been there…had that kind of feeling…and is coming out stronger on the other side. 🙂

    Brooke

  143. #181
    Shenzore123

    I love that you are so publicly honest through your journey, Cathy, there is a lot of honesty missing when most people talk about their weight loss. It is refreshing to read that someone else shares the struggles that I occasionally have.

    Thank you-this is exactly where my husband and I are right now. Fourteen months in and the last six weeks have been difficult and now it is difficult to button my jeans! We will get back there and we will continue on our healthy journey.

    Again thank you for being honest.

    http://www.worldoftrade.com/sell/jeans-manufacturers.htm

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