After reading through all the comments from last week's Move More Eat Less monthly post, I woke up on Saturday morning, walked into the bathroom, looked at the scale and said, "Pass."
I decided not to let a number dictate my worth for the day. I decided instead to focus on some other numbers: the 6-mile run planned for the morning, the yet-to-unfold 24 hours of the day before me, and the nearly 45 years I've been lucky enough to be here on this planet alive and kicking.
And then I thought about some more numbers:
• 2—the number of beautiful children this body of mine has produced.
• 21—the number of years I've shared my life with a loving, supportive man who's never afraid to evolve and change with me.
• 11—the number of years I've been fortunate enough to earn a living by working from my home.
• 5—the number of years since I last sucked hot, deadly, nicotine-laced smoke into my lungs.
For some of us—like me—it's a hard thing to disconnect from, this notion that a weight number equals your value. It's a hard thing to disconnect from because every single drop of your life experience plays heavily into how you view yourself. It's a hard thing to disconnect from when the voices in your head have been conspiring against you for as long as you can remember.
But I'm going to work on pulling that plug, damn it.
I have no intention of throwing in the towel on Moving More and Eating Less (or rather, Eating Less Junk and More Good Food). For dinner on Friday night, I made a huge batch of Bircher Muesli and felt zero guilt at how many points it was going to add to the day. My God, it's oatmeal, nuts, fruit and milk. (And okay, sugar and heavy cream, too.) The bottom line? I savored every bite.
I just wanted to put it out there, this notion of disconnecting from the negative self talk, the I'll never be thin enough talk, the my life would be SO much better with 10 more pounds gone talk, the I don't want to fail talk.
The fact is, I'm here every day, trying my best to be a healthy, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but always grateful to be living this life kind of person.
I'd rather define myself by a new set of standards, ones that come from a place of kindess, acceptance and truth.
Sure, I'll slip up here and there, but I'll come around again. Count on it.
Not a bad start for a Monday.