Blue Raspberry Icee in still life, just prior to ingestion.
March has been a weird one, food wise.
Let's forget about Meatless March for a minute (though I'll be honest with you, I find myself watching the calendar and dreaming about Lighter Beef Chili with an alarming frequency). I'd like to talk about something that happens every now and then in my nutrional world: I go extremely overboard and eat like total crap.
In some circles, it's called bingeing. You decide to have one bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, and that bowl was so good, that what the hell! You have two more. Or three. Okay, four.
And then you figure, "Well, I blew the points for this day," and you head out to your friendly Super America store for a blue raspberry Icee, and quite possibly a glazed donut to chase it down.
And then you get home, and you suddenly feel very, very sleepy as the sugar starts to move through your system, and you wonder, "What was that all about?"
It's those times when you try and eat everything in sight to make up for all this damned healthy living you've been taking part in. It's those times when the sugar just sort of takes over. It's those times wherein you convince yourself, "I don't care."
This month has been full of those days. It's also seen me eating out more than I have in months—4 times, to be exact. My problem is that I have yet to master going to a restaurant and ordering the "light" menu items.
A wise person that I know told me, "Cathy, sounds like you're eating your feelings." And perhaps she's right.
All I know is that I've made some really bad choices, and gained some more weight back.
But here is the difference this month: I'm not beating myself up over it.
In the past, any slip on my part was met with fear and self-loathing. Oh God, this is IT! It's all downhill from here. Way to *blank* it up again, Cathy! I always hoped to use that self-loathing as motivation to do better. It rarely worked.
But this time, I'm looking at it from an instructive standpoint, and trying to understand what is it that makes me go overboard on certain days? What are my triggers? And how can I better respond to the things that make me want to nosh like there's no tomorrow?
I said on my birthday that I'm not going to spend the next half of my life hating my body and longing for things that genetically aren't mine to have. I said I was going to be kinder to myself, and guess what? I meant it.
I realize this isn't my official Move More Eat Less check in, that comes a week from today, but I just wanted to say that sometimes—in fact most of the time—the best of intentions are met with obstacles that in the moment seem insurmountable. But you know what? You take a deep breath, gather yourself up and keep moving through Ye Olde Obstacle Course of life and see what shakes out.
Besides, on any given day, being alive is enough to keep me going.