Keeping it real.

Cathy ZielskeCZ Life159 Comments

So you know how last week I posted about skipping the scale and wanting to preserve a little self worth in the process, and everything was going to be just fine, and blah, blah, blah?

I don't think I was being completely honest with you.

Well, I thought I was. I mean, I really am trying to keep it real, as they say, and report the highs and the lows of this Move More, Eat Less quest.

If I was truly keeping it real last week, I would have really let loose and freed my inner whiner. I would have let her have a no holds barred field day. I would have just let those virtual tears of Debbie Downer woe floweth.

I did have a hard month. I am working through some things in my personal life right now that are challenging me to look at who I am and how I operate in the world and how I can make changes to be a much better person for the duration that I get to be here.

Life isn't easy. It is, however, an amazing gift. But that doesn't always guarantee that the ride is going to be bump-free.

I have completely fallen off the Eat Less wagon. I have let carbs and sugar back into my life and they are trying to get a solid foothold. I have put on 17 pounds from my lowest weight back in October. I'm at 159.4 right now.

Does this make me a bad person? Hell no. Does it tell me I'm slipping up in a big way? Hell yes.

Sometimes I confuse being gentler and kinder to myself with eating more cookies. Sound familiar to anyone? Sometimes, I love myself with sugar. In those moments, I say, "I don't care." In those moments, I say, "I can handle this."

A couple of blog readers called BS on me for my post last week. Initially, I was kind of pissed off. Mostly because I don't feel like I'm presenting an overly whine-laden record of late. I feel like I'm trying to show a balance of what success looks and feels like, and what it doesn't look and feel like.

Tough love works for some people. Sometimes, it works for me. But sometimes I can't hear a word of it because of the enormous roar of indignation bouncing between my ears that drowns everything else out.

The facts are these: I lost a lot of weight during a period of time in which I lived a black and white life. Then I started to loosen up a bit. (Sex muffins, anyone?) Then I realized when I play fast and loose with the rules, I see the kind of results I'm not really shooting for.

It's not that I can't eat a muffin here or there. But I don't want just one. I want 5. Possibly 6.

I definitely have much work to do to sort it all out.

I know there are a lot of you for whom this either resonates, or for whom this gets tiresome, or for whom it just pisses off.

Everyone's issues are unique, but for many of us, there is definitely a common thread.

I don't have all the answers today, but I'm absolutely not giving up the quest to understand how to make this particular area of my life click.

Back on the horse, and riding.

 

Cathy ZielskeKeeping it real.

159 Comments on “Keeping it real.”

  1. #1
    dawn

    Cathy, I’m so sorry you are going thru this tough time. Life can be crazy and we let go for awhile of trying to be perfect and we just want to live without checking everything we eat and if we moved enough. I’m with you, it’s a daily/hourly struggle. Sometimes life gets busy and we don’t have the time or energy to eat right even if we wanted to or not. Please do not beat yourself up over this, it will pass and you will come out stronger again. I promise. It’s also hard for us that stay at home and the food is right there and so easy to reach for. It’s all I can do not to bring that kind of food into my home because it will call my name when I’m sitting here in the quiet house. When I do bring it in well the kids go to school and there’s a bag of chips and when they get home it’s gone, same for brownies (my biggest weakness) they can be gone in 15mts. I have actually had half a pan and I hate to say it but I throw the rest away just so it’s not sitting there tempting me.
    Cathy you are still so amazing to me, this weekend the weather was finally beautiful and I went to the track both days and thought of you the whole time and thanking you for giving me this gift to move outside where who would have guessed is where I love to be now. The complete joy and amazing feelings it gave me to be walking the track and seeing the blue sky and trees,flowers everywhere made me happy and my spirits high all weekend. So please don’t give up Cathy you can do this, get yourself a friend who will help you, kinda like a sponsor and when your going to eat something unhealthy call that person, tell your family you need some more support and what they can do to help you. Sorry I got carried away here but it’s amazing how powerful you speak to me and I have never even met you, would love love to hit the trails with you one day though. I’m sending you big hugs and support and encouragement from my finally sunny morning in Ohio. Thanks for keeping it real.

  2. #3
    Rachel Smith

    Cathy, you truly are an inspiration. Don’t forget that or get down on yourself. What you have done simply because you set your mind to is so incredible and uplifting. We all have moments or periods of weakness, but you are so honest with yourself and with us (the world) about yours, and that takes inner strenght, too. Now you know how Oprah felt all those years, having to be accountable to the viewers and not just to herself regarging her yo-yo weight loss struggles. As long as you are living the life you want to be living and enjoying each day to the fullest, that is truly what counts. You being sunshine to a lot of people…keep up the good work, girl! <3 <3 <3

  3. #4
    Barb

    Not sure what to say about the eating, but I love that you are still Moving More… and I’m happy that you’ve come clean here and are being honest with yourself. I know you’ll work through the tough times just fine. Don’t sell yourself short. You have come a long way, and you’ll find your way back. That amazing support network you have living under your roof will assure that you do.

    xo Barb

  4. #5
    MonicaB

    Just keep getting back on that horse. Each time you do it will become easier to stay on. It’s hard to change a lifetime of patterns and they will sneak back into your life when you are struggling…just keep on fighting. Remember how great you feel when you are fueling yourself with wholesome food and moving. It’s a journey! Keep putting one foot in front of the other! Take care.

  5. #6
    Barb

    I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I think we’ve all been there. Remember that all we have is today. That’s all that counts!

  6. #7
    Dana

    Life changes all the time and for those of us that struggle with weight, we have to constantly be evaluating how our weight relates to those life changes. I was on the right track last year and then my injury and then our move across the world threw me a curveball. And I haven’t gained the momentum back. ๐Ÿ™ My problem is just like yours…I hate depriving myself of anything because I think it backfires. But when I have one tasty treat, I’m not just satisfied with one, I want 5, or 10! When it tastes good, I want more. I’ve discovered that I eat a lot of something, simply because it tastes good. That’s terrible. So, that’s what I’m working on. That willpower thing.

    While you do want to try to get back on track and you need to figure out how to do that, you need to remember all the positive healthy changes you’ve made. Think of how active you are now. Think of how much better you feel. And think of those good healthy foods you’ve discovered in the process.

    Hugs! I truly do understand.

  7. #8
    Cassie

    “Sometimes I confuse being gentler and kinder to myself with eating more cookies. Sound familiar to anyone? Sometimes, I love myself with sugar.”

    Oh yeah, that sounds familiar! What is that about? I mean, in the moment it does feel like you’re being kind but afterwards…not so much:(

    Man, I just don’t have any words of wisdom except to say keep taking your stuff out and looking at it. The answers are there and when you are ready (and all the planets are lined up!) it will make sense. And then it probably won’t for a while. Just make sure to keep sharing the ride with us okay?

    Cassie

  8. #10
    Cheri

    I am exactly where you are right now Cathy. Tired of counting calories. Tired of logging everything I eat. Tired of depriving myself of foods I love. I think that after the initial motivation wears off, the constant vigilance just gets old. I’m struggling to find new motivation… something else that will get me back to my initial excitement about this change. I think finding “it” – whatever it may be – is going to be the key. Hang in there!

  9. #12
    katie squires

    The cheerleader Mom in me wants to find the right words to make it all better for you, yep even though your ‘kind of a stranger’ I feel like I know you…and I do care about you ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t have the magic words…but I hear you…I feel you…I have been there myself…I am there on and off again…its a crappy place to be…

    I have no doubt that you will find your way out. That you will love yourself without sugar. (oh Lord when you said that I was like, OMG that is so true…I was loving myself with choc last night).

    Kiddy Up Cow Girl ! ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. #13
    Kendra B

    Oh yeah, resonates!!! I’m sorry you are going thru a rough time right now. I could restate a lot of what everyones else has said, but won’t. Just know you are heard, understood, and loved by a bunch of people who really don’t even know you ๐Ÿ™‚ Stay strong little marshmallow!!!!

  11. #15
    Theresa Grdina

    sometimes life throws us bumps and valleys to get through…and it takes everything you have just to “get through”. I feel your pain and applaud your determination to keep on the wagon. Good luck. And remember….you are not alone. This is a journey many of us make every single day. Good luck!

  12. #16
    Dorothy F

    You are so real! Anyone of us out here can relate to you, if we could just be honest. It is very hard to admit what you are going through but so BRAVE to do it publicly. I can not tell you how much I admire and relate to you. It took me a long time to like myself and realize at 66 weight does not come off like it did when I was 20. As Ali’s OLW has taught me HAPPY is what you want it to be. And I am happy and you will be too.

  13. #17
    Christine

    I’ve heard that justice (and life lessons) is like a pendulum. First it swings far right–Must stop all evil! (Must be super fit and eat super healthy!). Then it swings far left–Must be kind to evil-doers! (Oh, the heck with it! I want my chocolate, NOW!!). The pendulum continues swinging, more gently now, right and left, eventually finding a comfortable middle ground…a balance.

    Your weight will go up and down, and that’s okay. You’ll eat those sex muffins, and that’s okay, too. Just strive to find the balance, that comfortable middle ground where you eat healthfully (not like a health food fanatic where sugar is a bad word), exercise regularly (not every hour of every day). Find the balance that fits you. You WILL find it…you’re already so close! Can you feel it?

  14. #18
    Ronnie Crowley

    I have a magnet on my fridge which my WW teacher gave me – “Nothing tastes as good as feeling thin feels” but the emotional eater that I am says “Nothing tastes better than a large bowl of ice cream when the world is getting you down”. Sometimes the emotional eater wins because they have been in control longer than the WW member. Just know that you may fall off the band wagon of loosing weight but you know exactly what you have to do to get back on when your ready.

  15. #19
    Jen

    Oh Cathy – thank you for being honest with us! I get very ticked off by those blog authors who tell us they live a charmed life and are happy all the time; life never gets in their way…. I don’t believe a word of it! I know only too well how easy it is to let carbs and sugar creep back into your life. 2 1/2 years ago I had lost 35lbs, then I had a brain haemorrhage, was in hospital for weeks and promptly put 36lbs back on again. I had vowed this would never happen again and yet here I am again working hard to lose them (I have, incidentally, lost 27lbs so far, but boy am I annoyed with myself).

    I had this very discussion with my partner yesterday. He really doesn’t understand my issues around food because for him, food is fuel, and yes sometimes he likes a cookie or chocolate but if he’s not hungry then he won’t have one. Luckily, he doesn’t ever mention my weight ๐Ÿ˜‰

    So I’m willing you to not beat yourself up too much, and to find the balance between “sex” muffins and one muffin. You can do it!!

  16. #20
    KathyinMN

    That’s my girl! We all fall off, it’s those that get back on who succeed. Every day is a new day. Remember that.

  17. #21
    amanda

    Going to go ride my bike. My britches are not fitting like they used too and I can give very good excuses why. I need to get real with myself. I need to put the wine glass down along with the cheese pretzels that will surely follow. I need to start over without beating myself up about starting over. It is a new day friend!

  18. #22
    Theresa

    The really crazy thing that I do when I’m dieting is, I’ll make some kind of goal for myself with food for a award, i.e, “If I lose 10 pounds, I’m going to get myself some nachos.” How sick is that? Food as a reward for a food addict? That’s like an alcoholic saying, “If I go without a drink for a month, I’m going to treat mysef to a night out at a bar.” LOL

  19. #23
    RachelC

    Oh, I am so with you. I rarely post on blogs… More of a stalker I guess, but this time I’m posting. I read last week’s post with great interest because I could have written it. Then I clicked on the link for that book you’re reading. Then I bought that book you’re reading and I read it in 4 days! I suppose you could say I devoured it! I’ve been trying to lose these last however many pounds for 4 or more years and I haven’t been able to stick with anything for very long. I never thought I’d be able to give up the carbs and sweets, but I’ve come to the point where I’m so disgusted with myself that something’s got to give! So as soon as I t submit here, I’m going to cook myself some bacon, sausage and eggs for my first Atkins-ish breakfast! I’d still love to read your post with your thoughts on that book!

  20. #24
    Katie Scott

    I feel ya. I made a goal if losing 50# last summer & I lost 25-30 but have plateaued since around Thanksgiving & feel impatient about the rest but haven’t been as diligent as before – maybe I thought it was going to get easier & probably it’s going to get harder the closer I get. Plus I’ve been sneaking in some carbs which might explain the plateau. I think it’s a matter of getting re-excited about it – not sure how to do that – but when I’m all amped up about it then it’s easier – even though it’s still a lot of work. I used to have a boss who said “it’s not supposed to be easy” & “if it were easy then everyone would do it – so be happy that it’s hard” – he was talking about work – but it kind of applies to the weight loss thing. Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. #25
    Jenny A

    I could have written this myself! Thank you for keeping it real and being an inspiration to me. As a Mother’s gift to myself, I actually put on my running shoes again and ran for the first time in months. I’m back on the saddle with you!

  22. #26
    jett

    You’ve written what a large group of us could have written, and I thank you for it. Everyone knows that eating smart and exercising regularly are the best ingredients to be healthy, but life doesn’t always help us do that and our scales and smaller clothes are quick to point that out. That is keeping it real Cathy! We’ve all been there before and we’ll be there again. The good thing, is we’re never alone in this crazy struggle.

    Just a little something that’s worked for me with regards to the “sugar monster”… when I want something sweet, I eat enjoy it with my meal, even if it means I eat a little less brocolli. When I eat sugar without other food, the monster becomes insatiable and one cookie won’t do. When I eat it with a meal, I still get to enjoy it, but I’m full and then I dont crave more.

    Does it work all the time – hell no. Two weeks ago, life had my emotions all twisted. What did I do.. I ate an entire bag of jelly beans in two days!!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    It happens… and I move on, with a new plan for how I’ll handle life this week. This is life. It is real, and we’re all in this struggle together.

  23. #27
    ale

    i don’t like tough love, either. and i totally get the urge to eat a hugh amount of something, all at once. to me that happened a lot when i was living a black and white life. but then i found out that there are so many beautiful shades fo grey. it is taking me forever to get rid of the extra wight (about 4 pounds per month), but now i’m ok with that.

  24. #28
    Leslie @ {Tiny Wings}

    Aah, sweetie! Love your honesty! I, too, am having major issues keeping me from hitting my wellness goals. I’m disappointed in myself, and haven’t even wanted to talk about it!! ๐Ÿ™ But when life comes at you at 200 mph, sometimes it’s hard to negotiate it, and the path of least resistance is a welcome fall-back! So, despite the health issues and stressful life stuff that have crept in lately, I, too, have made the vow to get back on that darn horse!!

  25. #29
    Yvonne

    You GO GIRL! I have a lot of admiration for you and the other blog gals that I follow, You put your life out there to share with everyone, and sometimes when it’s not what everyone expects, but it’s REAL, you get commenters who feel it’s their job to chastize you for being real and admitting a failure or slip in the process. I don’t think that it is right. You could record your life on an electronic record, and keep it all private, but you choose to share with the world, and risk those comments from people who don’t know you. So thank you for sharing, the good, bad, successes and set backs. And thanks for being a REAL inspiration to me.

  26. #30
    Ellie A.

    You darling are an inspiration to me. YES Rocking awesome you. You have taught me that guess what this getting healthy is just that get healthy and it should not be OH I’m on a diet and I need to lose some weight (sure there is some of that but that should not be our focus )I had to learn to change my mentality as to what I am doing,because of you I have put sneakers on for other reasons then just walking about. To get on a treadmill and turn it on and do something I NEVER EVER had done on purpose Run,to go outside & actually enjoy pushing my little girl in her jogging stroller & getting my workout in. NEVER would I think I could/would do that. You have taught me that its ok we are not perfect & are NOT suppose to cut all the goodies in life because they are EVIL in fact they are part of our lives & darn it I will not punish myself. Besides have you had a Crumbs cupcake? That would be a crime NEVER to have one again! We will have bad moments but you know what as long as we acknowledge it face it and move on to a new and better then we can do it. So my dear friend sure a bad month has past but guess what you have more beautiful ready to go get them days coming ahead so I send BIG HUGS and let you know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing and making me feel I can do this & truly believe it. ((HUGS))

  27. #31
    Cheryl M

    Okay, now I don’t mind saying that I started this MMEL in January, did good for a few days, yes DAYS! I’ve gained 10 pounds instead of losing ANY!
    You’re such an inspiration to me, even when I imagine you don’t feel like you are, but you’re as real as it gets! Big hugs to you for being that way!

  28. #32
    rosie at 3 rosebuds

    I have just two things to say about this:

    1. I know exactly how you feel and go through this whole ordeal a few times a year. Haven’t figured out yet how to stay in moderation as I seem to be an all or nothing kind of person. Right now I am all birthday cake and no exercise which sucks.

    2. I think you would benefit tremendously from sharing the renovation pictures of your house with us. Seriously, that might be the key to this whole thing-just post the before and after pics and your weight loss issues will be solved. (just a thought)

    thanks for being so honest-I know I am just one of many people who understand exactly how you feel.

  29. #33
    May

    Darling Cathy,

    First off – snaps to you for knowing where you’re at, owning it, and admitting you’re in a frustrated place.

    In my mind, this is EXACTLY why “diets” don’t work. As I’ve sized down and made adjustments to my daily lifestyle I have almost always done so allowing some sugar/fun food. Why? Well hardcore does get results – but also always gets the ugly setback if you cut loose. It’s got to work in the real/everyday world where I’ve got shades of grey like nuts. More importantly, *I* have to not eat 5 vs 1 cookies. *I* have to choose dessert today, none tomorrow. Yeah, I think the “it’s all up to me, myself, and I” is the very hardest part.

    Keep on trucking – and being so utterly fabulous.

  30. #34
    Marilyn

    I could have written this…it really is a daily decision. And it takes mindfulness and planning and WORK and as others have said, sometimes the path of least resistance is so tempting.

    I struggle primarily at night, when the house is quiet and lots of my peeps are sleeping. I’m tired…but because I don’t want to waste the quiet, I make myself stay awake. And then a little voice says “banana muffins downstairs”. It is in these times that I TRY to remind myself of something I read, the exact words of which I cannot remember but it went basically like this: if your preschooler came to you and said “Mommy, I’m sleepy” or presented to you in a snit that you knew meant “nap time”, would you stuff a cookie in her mouth and send her in to the family room to watch Barney? If she came to you crying because her friend at school didn’t want to have a play date, would you give her a big bowl of icecream and tell her to “get over it”? No…you wouldn’t. So WHY do we do this to ourselves?

    Something to think about as we get ready for the day ahead…

  31. #36
    Marie T

    Last week I went off roading on the Eat Less & Move More part of life. And weighed in – with a punch to the gut. Dang. And it’s was really easy to let this bump (or pot hole really…heck..sink hole) get me feel crappy. Wicked crappy. It triggered “everything is crappy day”. And that’s no good.
    Life is too short to be ms crappy pants.
    So to speak.
    Sending you lots and lots of hugs and support.

  32. #37
    Liza

    feelin’ your pain! I’m an “all or nothing” kind of girl so I have the same struggles. I’m either totally on the wagon or totally off. I’m trying to keep moving though.

    Thanks for being real…and you are still inspiring to me, even if you don’t feel like it!!!

  33. #38
    Beth the Nurse

    Hi Cathy! I recently started following your blog and you touched a cord in me with this post.

    As women, we sometimes hear ‘tough love’ from unexpected places and it may take time, but it resonates inside of us.

    I have recently had an experience where I had to be completely honest with myself and open up to a few women that I would call acquaintances. When I took the leap and brought these women into my confidence and shared everything that I had been going through and was honest that I am not the Superwoman that I was trying to portray, it was truly ‘freedom’. It was relief and I felt better than I had in a very long time.

    Hang in there and don’t beat yourself up. We are all imperfect and every person struggles in their own way.

    Thanks for your humor and your talents, and this too will pass.

    Beth

  34. #39
    Jennifer Stewart

    You are motivational to me, not because of your weight, but because of your HONESTY and keeping it real thru this whole thing. I am more motivated knowing that you slip up yet still keep on going rather than pretending you’re perfect thru the whole process.

    And remember, you right now are what a LOT of people want to be their “after” to their before photo. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love you,
    Jennifer

  35. #40
    Kay Gregory-Clark

    Oh, Cathy, I feel your pain! And I so relate to your experience. It tastes so goodโ€”just a little more pasta. Dessert’s OK this one time. I’ll work really hard tomorrow to make up for it. Only THAT tomorrow doesn’t come; another same-o, and pretty soon I’m afraid to step back onto the scales. I have every excuse for not walking today: it’s 90ยฐ out, for heaven’s sake! (I don’t like to sweat). Besides, I did gardening and yard work enough to make up for not walking, right?

    I think about how hard I worked to lose those pounds. And how easy it’s been putting them back on. Almost makes one want to give up, right? But I do have those nice fitted clothes in my closet I want to wear, not these old baggy things.

    I love how you’ve hung it all out there for us to see & share. But because I know how it feels, I don’t like hearing the pain. You’ve been such an encouragement to all of us. I like the analogy Christine made with the pendulum. That was an “a-ha!” for me. Let it be for you, too. Let’s get back to the middle ground. I’m going to try really hard, today, one day at a time. I can eat less; I know I’ve done it before; I know it worked then; I know it will again. BUT, along the way, I’m not going to deprive myself ALL the time, either. I just need to hit that balance in the swing.

    Hang in there, Cathy-girl! We love ya!

  36. #43
    Rozanne

    If you feel like you can’t stop with sugar or you’re unable to stopneven though you want to, consider going to a few Overeater’s Anonymous meetings. There are online and telephone meetings, too. I had problems with not being able to stop eating sweets and OA has helped me a lot. http://Www.OA.org

  37. #44
    J2Milla

    Thank you for your honesty, regardless of the highs and the lows, you are a true inspiration and for that I appreciate you. Now, If only more people could follow your lead ๐Ÿ˜‰

  38. #45
    Sherri Stone

    I’ve only been following your blog since about the first of the year – I’m notoriously slow I know:D I was in awe of your SB pages you shares on your weight loss journey. I thought she is really putting herself out there! You inspired me to start my own w/l journey. It isn’t easy. We have that TOM and other crap in our lives that muddy up our plans. I admire you even more because you are live all of us that struggle with our weight. After I complained to my husband this morning about my 2 lb gain from having too many carbs yesterday, he said honey, you gotta live too. I still don’t think that dessert was worth it now though:D

  39. #47
    StefaniM

    Just finally looked closely at our spring break photos – bad idea, it made me really depressed about my weight – I’m up about 10 lbs. ๐Ÿ™ I fooled myself into thinking I still looked pretty good. NOT true! YIKES! thanks for the post to remind me of balance. We all need it. I especially liked the paragraph about tough love and indignation… me to a tee! <3

  40. #48
    Deirdre

    Best line: “Sometimes I confuse being gentler and kinder to myself with eating more cookies.”

    Your link to Gary’s book last week set off lots of “a-ha” moments for me. I’m doing WW (I’m convinced the new plan provides TOO MANY pts…), but need to create a plan specific to me, eg: no carbs at breakfast means a much less hungry morning. I’m having cottage cheese with blueberries, because there’s no way I’m giving up fruit for GT or for any number on the scale.

    I’m also reading the Now Habit, which relates more to procrastination and carving out time for fun, but so much of it relates to my mind’s way of rebelling when it comes to food.

    Thanks for the inspiration & honesty!

  41. #49
    Jo

    Kathy–

    I get it 1000%! I have gone through and am currently going through exactly what you describe–word for freaking word! You are not alone–its not a one size fits all thing this weight loss and maintenance thing. Its a learning process and so much more mental than we even realize. I am currently in the process of trying to lose the 35 lbs I gained back after being on WW 5 years ago. I am back on WW since Nov of last year. I have lost a grand total of 15 lbs and I have 20 more to go. Its sloooow, and its far from perfect, but I am hoping that this time, this time I can lose it for good since I am not in a race with the clock. I love how you keep it real. You inspire me because you are so honest and real. I’m just not sure how you manage to take the exact thoughts out of my head and put them on your blog:)

  42. #54
    cathy

    Oh, its a charmed life, but… ha, its full of lots of flaws for sure. ; ) I suppose if I were perfect, Id have no readers, right? Thanks for the comment!

  43. #55
    Delisa

    Keep your chin up CZ. My issue is moving more, not the eating less. I’m okay with counting calories, but make any excuse in the world to lay off the exercise. I’m going to the treadmill now! Thanks so much for sharing with us. You really are the reason I finally lost my baby weight. My oldest turns 10 today and the youngest is 5, so I left it on for a long time. Reading your blog got me moving and counting calories! You are the reason I finally got going. Really, going to exercise right now.

  44. #57
    cathy

    Yep. Ive had those thoughts. Thinking, if I get to a certain weight, then I can have more treats. Doesnt really work that way.

  45. #65
    Candy

    Of course, I wonder how much is hormone, thyroid related. Do you get cravings on occasion? If I bring home potato chips for the boys, I am sunk. I do try to avoid that. My downfall is chocolate..after all, what could one piece do? But in the end, the mantra is, ‘no sugar’ thus no potatoes, white bread, white rice, or oranges and grapefruit..so silly but true. Insulin goes up and the fat sticks. If I stuck to this diet I wonder how really healthy I would be.

  46. #69
    Jennifer

    I’m right there with you! I lost 65 pounds 3 years ago, put 30 back on, lost 17 since January… but have hit a rough patch where brownies win over salad and exercising seems like a great idea until it’s time to actually put on my shoes and go. One day at a time and never give up… we can do it! Hang in there!

  47. #72
    cathy

    LOL! As soon as our house is painted and the stucco is finished (we have a small amount of stucco detailing on the exterior), and as soon as we finish the painting, ill be posting befores and afters. Probably in June!

  48. #77
    Holly Denghel

    “It’s not that I can’t eat a muffin here or there. But I don’t want just one. I want 5. Possibly 6.”

    Been there, done that. Actually, I did it yesterday. Damn girl scout cookies … I meant to have 2 thin mints and ate half the package before I realized what I was doing.

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It helps all the rest of us know that we aren’t alone. And thank you for sharing the good AND the bad! It’s easy to find rah-rah cheerleaders, but I want the whole truth.

  49. #78
    cathy

    Theres so much to know and learn, especially at age 45, with hormones, thyroid, etc. I did have all of my numbers checked out before I started this whole thing in December 2009. Everything looked good except my weight back then. Its probably time to have another physical.

    Chips kill me. Every time.

  50. #79
    cathy

    Wow. That is just beautiful. You ran at MOA? I didnt even know there was a race for the cure on Mothers day. Good for you. And good message too!

  51. #80
    Shaunte

    I could have written this post.
    I am not sure why our bodies are made to crave “comfort” foods…and that ain’t carrot sticks…

    I have been struggling too.
    Sometimes I am strong, and I feel superior!
    Most times, I think “I deserve those cookies” and I feel fine about it, but then an hour later, I want to shoot myself for being weak.

    I don’t know that there will ever be a day when I don’t let the scale/fit of my pants/bloat factor determine who I am to myself.

    Unless I am dead.

  52. #81
    Jill_in_AL

    You are spot on…..sometimes we don’t have the mental and emotional energy to do anything but default to our nature urges. It’s a lifestyle you are adopting and that is a process — a process with peaks and valleys and time.

    I try to have only one dessert a week and one glass of sweet tea a day but then there are days where I need a gallon of sweet tea to sooth my soul.

    You’ve inspired me and I enjoy you ๐Ÿ˜‰

  53. #82
    Tracy Gardiner

    Ride, Cathy, Ride … You go Girl!!! Awesome to see you being so honest on the worldwide web – this weight thing is a struggle indeed and you are, after all, a human bean. I am also struggling with weighty issues and today was also not-so-good bad day for me … Hang in there!! You are an inspiration!!!

    Love, Tracy G (Durban, South Africa)

  54. #83
    Becky H

    Cathy
    Oh how I hear you. We women of the mid 40’s have such a battle with weight and hormones. I feel that as long as you are happy than do what you can. If right now a sex muffin makes you happy than have it. We can’t live everyday in a black & white world we just need to learn to be happy with who we are right now and that can be hard. Thank for all the inspiration you are putting out there and for being real.
    Becky

  55. #84
    Melinda Wilson

    Cathy, thanks for sharing your highs and lows here on your blog. It really helps to see in writing that others are struggling with the same issues that I am struggling with. I tend to blame events that are going on in my life (like my son moved back home in Feb so I have to cook more – and I have put on 10 lbs) but it is all my own fault. I LIKE FOOD and carbs and sugars are my weakness.
    I’ll ride along side you on that horse today as we head down our path singing “Happy Trails To You”!!!
    Have a great day!

  56. #86
    Kate

    I’ve been in a bad munchie place for too long and have finally got “into the zone” after 9 long months of overeating. I dont get why it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t – it is all in the mind though, just wish I could figure it out. Good luck CZ

  57. #87
    Andrea

    As Rozanne mentioned about Overeaters Anon, if you feel like you can’t stop with sugar or you’re unable to stop even though you want to, consider Overeater’s Anonymous meetings. My husband pointed out a key scene in “West Wing” where Leo, an alcoholic, mentioned that he doesn’t get people having just one drink, or not finishing their drink, he loves the way the glass feels in his hand, the process of fixing a drink. My husband is the same way about food – either he wants more, more, more, or none at all. He doesn’t want only a taste, that is worse than none. He has an alcoholic’s view of food. I think OA would help him – but haven’t been able to get him to do anything yet. If you check into it, let me know how it goes?

  58. #88
    Jan from Canada

    get back on the horse? Hell, I ate the horse!

    Don’t knock yourself out Cathy, nurturing others is easy, nurturing oneself, not so easy ๐Ÿ™‚

    You Rock!
    Cheers,|
    Jan

  59. #89
    Maribel

    Just stick with it. I’ve been on WW for 31/2 years and lost 70 lbs. Never really believing I could reach goal. But I kept with it, even when I wasn’t happy with the scale. The one thing I had to understand was if I wasn’t happy with the scale it was due to my food choices. I was moving but the weekend food binges was doing so much damage that I didn’t see the efforts paying off. But I kept with it. I have reached goal and it does feel good; but what has not changed is that I still have to remain vigilant. I’m going to have bad days but I got to get up and move. I have to recognize what happened and move on.

  60. #91
    Jane Toft

    Honest and heartfelt as always Cathy. Keep moving, keep smiling and feel blessed to have a healthy body. Don’t beat yourself up – that’s what those pesky marketing types at Weight Watchers want you to do (and part with your hard earned cash!). J x

  61. #92
    Laraine

    Hi Cathy just had to let you know that I love your blog (I only read three or four and yours is one LOL). I don’t usually post comments – except for competitions, well you never know someone has to win that camera, but I just wanted to let you know how you inspired me. I started scrapbooking a few years ago after seeing your layouts and last year I started running, no mean feat as I was 56 and never exercised at all. I got up to running nearly 2.5 miles (which my family could not believe) then unfortunately damaged my cartilage last October, but good news is my op is in a couple of weeks so hopefully will be up and running again in a couple of months.

    I love your sense of humour and your honesty and that you are very real. Yep we may need tough ,love but not negativity. Thank you for sharing your life with us and I am sure you will be back on track soon.

    PS – have to give up the smoking next!

    L x

  62. #93
    cathy

    Hello Laraine, thanks for commenting! And you know, quitting smoking is kind of a bitch, but it can be done, and one successfully. I was seriously the biggest addict smoker alive. A pack a day, rain or shine (and because I smoked outside, it got pretty awful to smoke in sub zero weather here in Minnesota.) But you know what? 5 years later and I dont actually miss it anymore. I will you luck!
    : )

  63. #94
    Vicki

    Cathy honestly I could be your twin– I know what I should eat… and do it right “most” of the time.. but apparently I have a small wagon because when I fall off it its not just one bite of Cannolli calling my name its the box of 6!!

    I could blame my mother for making me be part of the Clean plate club as a kid… but I know she also taught me willpower–so thats a no go– I could blame my heavy work schedule– but really its just as easy to stuff my face with a apple as it as a donut.
    I really think that as long as we are honest and acknowledge we are running along side our wagons we are ok…we will get it together again.. and find that inner Zen that allows us to embrace the Veggie and praise the fruit. Until then we can be alittle self loathing and have alittle pity party too.

  64. #95
    Sara Spencer

    Cathy, I really, really, really love how honest you are when you write. Your blog is one of my favorite ones to visit for this very reason. You are truly inspiring! The only thing one can do when things get tough is to pull up those big girl panties and try again!

  65. #96
    Michelle910

    I relate to all of your ups and downs. For those it pisses off, you don’t force them to go to your blog and read. The rest of us support your efforts and appreciate your imperfections!

  66. #97
    madeline St onge

    i am so sorry you are going through a rough patch in your life and I like you would and have turned to food in that instance. I isn’t easy Cathy but I am so inspired by you getting back on that horse and trying again. I fight the fight every day myself, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. Hang in there lady, I am pulling for you

  67. #99
    Sue in Grapevine

    Sorry things are hard for you now. I can identify a bit – I don’t want portion control in my life! I want to be able to eat WHATEVER I want & I want the laws of physics to be suspended on my behalf!
    I have been going to WW for 3 yrs, have been maintaining a 40lb weight loss since last Feb., but I have 25 more to lose to be a nice, normal 51 y/o me. My attitude plateau is very high & wide. I’m starting to exercise as a way to maybe start losing again. I don’t like exercise, but you inspire me to think that perhaps I could come to enjoy it as you have.
    Hang in there, girlie! I think you’re fantastic!

  68. #100
    Maureen

    You know most of us understand where you’re coming from. A friend once reminded me that when life doesn’t seem ‘sweet’ we go for the sugar. It’s still hard for me sometimes to find non-caloric sweeting, but I’m continuing to learn.

    Just a reminder that there’s a lotta sweet love out here in blogland directed right to you, no matter what size you are or aren’t. mwahaha

  69. #101
    Deb Rymer

    “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”
    ~ George Eliot, English novelist (1819 – 1880)

    That’s what I keep telling myself, at least… Still cheering you (and me) on, Cathy. You go. You will get this.

  70. #103
    paula

    Since I turned 50 and started back to work full time seems like I’m constantly fighting that 5#. More sometimes. Very frustrating…just sayin’ … right there with ya. Every day is a new start…Yeah right..if I want to starve myself!

  71. #104
    Joan

    Please keep posting your journey. I can relate in so many ways. I needed your candid dose of reality today.

  72. #105
    Lee

    Hi Cathy –
    I’m proud of you and happy for what you have achieved and continue to do.
    Posting all of this publicly is incredibly brave, but not without risk.
    The fact that you have a bazillion comments means you struck another chord.
    I wish you, and your family, love, joy, good health, laughter, contentment and success…
    – Lee
    P.S. And think of those gorgeous, healthy, happy, powerful lungs of yours – Wowza!
    ;o)

  73. #106
    Sian

    YeeHa!
    Honestly I gave up smoking about twelve times before I managed to quit for good. Sure there will be hard times, but to see these as set backs not failures is defintely the way to go. I am sure you know about finding other ways to comfort yourself when down or stressed and other ways to reward yourself – most of us do but it doesn’t make it any easier to do it. As long as you don’t give up you will get there. BUT remember skinny isn’t everything – healthy is, and despite not being at your lowest weight there is no doubting you are a heck of a sight healthier than you were 18months ago and that is worth remembering.

  74. #107
    Lisa Henderson

    thank you for being so honest! I do the same thing, each and every time I start to take better care of myself. This time around I’m trying to make much more gradual changes to try and make it work. And I honestly believe it eventually will work!

  75. #108
    Kathy

    Cathy, remember people can either read your blog or not read your blog…that is their choice. I have been a long time member of weight watchers and have been at goal after losing 10-14kgs (22lbs to 30lbs) and we all know being at goal feels amazing, you say to yourself “I’m never going back to the eating habits I had before because I look better, feel better” but somehow 3lbs on is nothing but then it’s 6lbs and then 9lbs and next minute we are not at goal and feel like it is a million miles away. Speaking from experience. When you have a lot of weight to lose and you are ready to lose it you are generally unstoppable in your resolve….once 3-5lbs go on it seems impossible to be even 95% just for 7 days to get that off. Why is it, I have no idea. Let me tell you, you are not alone in what has happened and you are not alone in how you are feeling and you are not alone when you don’t want to talk about it or do want to talk about it. The only bit of advice I can give you today (with 10kgs – 20lbs) myself is to STOP and STAY THE SAME WEIGHT FOR 3 MONTHS (for 12 weeks just stay around the same weight within 2-3lbs). Focus on good choices rather than your life revolving around the weight loss. After your 3 month break from losing (remember just staying the same will still take staying on the eat more/lose less path) and then in 3 mths time give yourself a 3 month task of losing the extra lbs you put on. Don’t beat yourself up but I know the inner thoughts, why do we do it over and over again it just doesn’t make sense. Look at Oprah time and time again, it’s not easy. So 3 mths your mission is to stay the same and have the 1 muffin instead of 5 (that’s the task) and then 3 mths really work hard. After I move house from my horrible marriage breakup I will be doing just that. Have a think about it and be true to yourself (your opinion matters!!! first and foremost). You have done amazing well, don’t be down on what you have achieved even though you have had a little hickup maintaining. Best of luck from Kathy (Brisbane, Australia)

  76. #109
    Aliza

    When I read those comments to you, I was mad for you, too. Just so you know. I was all, like, I can’t believe they said that! And I also thought, if it was directed towards me, I would probably cry. But, then I also thought, just like everyone’s relationship with food is different, so is everyone’s relationship to movement.

    As I see it, though, this bump, as you said, is not just about whining, and falling off the wagon, but finding the right goal. You could make certain numbers your goal, and work continuously towards that goal. But, it sounds like the trade off is too high. And it’s hard to let that go, because it feels great to be skinnier. No doubt about it, but I think you realize that it’s not the only goal. And that isn’t just about making excuses.
    Anyway, I’m just rephrasing everything you said, but I totally get what you are saying. And I respect that, and you should keep going down the path you are on.
    Says, me.

  77. #110
    Sue O

    Totally identify with what you are going through Cathy. Just do the best you can, and remember, slow and steady (at least that is my mantra). I try to keep the emphasis on becoming healthier and in better shape, not on the scale.

    Why is it anyway, that sugar and fat make a person feel so much better? ๐Ÿ™‚

  78. #111
    cathy

    I think it took me a total of 6 times of quitting to finally stay quit. : ) Im definitely trying to focus on healthy. Im upstairs on the computer right now to avoid being near the kitchen. LOL!

  79. #113
    cathy

    You know, when I post stuff here, I cant expect everyone to rah rah and join in. Thats the great thing about peopleโ€”we all have different perspectives. But one thing I knew I wasnt guilty of was NOT moving more. I still keep up the exercise, and now, refocusing on just making good food choices. Its not easy though. That is for sure.

  80. #114
    Jennifer D

    I think a big step is going to be realizing that sugar isn’t kinder and gentler. And it’s totally a mental thing.

    I gave up dairy completely 100% for a few weeks and after the initial adjustment of figuring out what to eat and what not to eat, it really wasn’t hard at all. Why? Because at the time I was absolutely convinced it was making me sick. So I saw dairy as something that was really truly horrible for me, not just on paper but in a very tangible way. It was surprisingly easy for me to walk away from all sorts of foods I liked because I saw dairy as something that made my body feel terrible.

    After figuring out that all dairy isn’t a problem for me, I find it more difficult to limit it. Because I now believe that the bigger issue is too much dairy, gluten, etc… but what is too much? Since that answer is subjective, it’s so easy to tell ourselves that a little indulgence here or there doesn’t matter. When really all the little things add up.

    I will say this – I had no idea how much dairy I was eating until I gave it up for those weeks. Even now, though I know I could cut out even more dairy, I definitely eat much less of it than I used to. If you are having a problem with sugar, try to just stop eating it for two weeks and then see how you feel. Often times removing it from your diet makes you realize how much of your diet it represented and also you might find that after two weeks you don’t even want it.

  81. #115
    Sherry

    Cathy,
    I’m in the same position you are in. I swore I would never put weight back on & here I am trying to lose it (again). It gets harder the older I am. I’m rooting for us! I know what I have to do & I know you do too ๐Ÿ™‚

  82. #116
    rebecca keppel

    When you said, “I dont want one, I want 5 or 6” That totally resonates with me. I am an all or nothing girl too. I don’t do moderation very well. I think it is something I need to learn in order to MAINTAIN but I havent gotten there yet. Have you ever read Gretchin Rubin’s blog about her Happiness Project? http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/
    One of the issues she brings up frequently is the divide between moderators and abstainers. You know, how moderators say, “you dont have to completely give up muffins, just have some self control” or “if you are so strict with yourself you won’t be able to last.” And the abstainers know it is either all or nothing for them. I don’t have an answer here, but I dont think you are whining or having a pity party. And so what if you are? Sometimes a little whining among friends is cathartic. Of course we all want a solution eventually, but sometimes we just want someone to empathize and tell us they have been there and know how much it sucks. So….I’ve been there and I KNOW how much it sucks. ๐Ÿ™‚

  83. #118
    Sandybee

    Great post. I’ve been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. Lost the weight. Gained it back plus a few more. Went through menopause (average weight gain, according to the meno class I took, is 20 lbs), and am now losing a bit again. The thing is that sugar, salt, and fats are physically addictive. Food companies know that and so load their products accordingly in order that you’ll eat more, buy more, and then pay to take it off. Then the cycle starts again. It’s a never ending cycle for most people. The weight loss industry isn’t making billions by chance.

    Oddly enough, thinking about all that has helped me the most. It’s me against the food corporations. It’s only a mind game, but it’s what’s helping me the most. I’m NOT going to eat their sugar, salt, or fat. They’re not going to make money from me. Am I good at it? Not quite. Is it a constant battle? Yes. Do I weaken? Yup. Is it a lifetime commitment. Yes it is.

    There was a commercial many years ago for Lay’s potato chips. The tag line was…”Bet you can’t eat just one.” They knew what they were talking about.

    Good luck.

  84. #119
    JennL

    This post totally resonates with me. For what it’s worth, I enjoy your posts on this quest called “losing weight in your 40s”. I feel like I have someone struggling with similar issues and celebrating for positive change.

    Keep it up, babe! It’ll get better.

  85. #122
    Beth

    Your post resonates with me a million-fold! I am so glad to hear that you are human and that I’m not alone in this fight. I’ve lost my mo-jo. Dont know why. And dont know how to jump start it again. Hope you post follow up to todays message.

  86. #123
    kari

    dude.
    cathy,
    can i first just say that i never comment because you have a million comments but today i don’t give a sh*t because i really wanted to tell you that i love reading your journey and i don’t care if you complain sometimes ( WE ALL DO ). i also want to tell you that even in bad weeks when you tell some part of your truth it inspires me and reminds me of my own journey and reminds me of what i may have to face or am facing at the same time. i am also on weight watchers and have lost about 20 pounds and the thing that i think about most is how i will “maintain” the rest of my life. i love knowing that i can read what you write and it makes me think a little and evaluate my own reasons for my weight loss journey as well as feel connected to someone who is SO not in my everyday life. so thank you for putting it out there and being generally rad.

    ps. a sense of humor is better than a small ass.
    just my opinion ๐Ÿ˜‰
    xo

  87. #124
    gail p

    Cathy,
    Like you, I was on WW for almost 2 years (you inspired me to go back) and I lost 60+. I’ve fallen off plan for many of the same reasons you noted. But I know I can do it, I just need to find that place in my head, adjust a bit and continue on. Hang in there.

  88. #125
    Veronica

    Remedies for “sweet” temptations….

    diet soda
    start cleaning something…..you loose calories at the same time…
    bubble baths with a magazine or book….make sure you bring a glass of water with you….

    These work for me…..and lots gets clean!

  89. #127
    Kate C

    Can I recommend a book called ‘The Dance’ by Oriah Mountain Dreamer? She writes ‘What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?’ With her inspiration I looked at my life, and the rollercoaster of emotions and issues that governed what I ate (amongst other things)and made some changes. I moved 300 km, from a major city to a town of less than 1000 people, to be able to hear my own voice. I give myself time out when I need it, and I do things that feed my soul regularly (like scrapbooking, thank you Cathy). I can give more to others as a consequence, and although I still eat roast almond chocolate frequently and raspberry-white-chocolate ice-cream when I feel the need, I have lost about 13 pounds without any particular effort. That’s only about 20% of what I ‘need’ to lose, and its taken a good long while, but it has come without any of the punishment I used to give myself. As Oriah says, we are so indoctrinated that we need to be more and do more, but we are all enough as we are. It is the trying that exhausts us, not the doing.

    Being such an inspiration to so many people, Cathy, is enough, having the courage to put your thoughts out there into cyberspace is enough, raising your delightful, awesome, amazing kids is enough.

  90. #128
    Damon Crawley

    OK, Cathy.

    Here is it. Yes, you and I are in the same place. And friend, I who am speaking from experience, that the first time you lose a bunch of weight you feel great and think you got it. Then the leash gives you a little more room. Then the next thing you know you are getting choked by it. Believe me, I am there. I am still down 50 pounds, but not where I want to be. I can let everything come through from “I have a new job and have been in survival mode since” to “I’ve been good the last 3 days so i deserve it”. But, in the end I have had to just own it and say, “Yep, I did eat that Pioneer Woman brownie recipie or the salted chocolate cookies and yes it did end up being half the batch”. So I didn’t eat agin until my stomach said it was ready but before I was ready to eat my dashboard. Just keep this in mind:

    Start Over -author unknown

    If youโ€™ve started out in pursuit of your goal and youโ€™ve
    really tried with your heart and soul, but somehow things got out of control โ€“
    START OVER

    When youโ€™ve tried your best to do what you should and you thought this time
    that you surely would, but once again you didnโ€™t do good โ€“ START OVER

    When youโ€™ve worked so hard to follow a dieters way and you fought to win a
    victory each day, but one more time you went astray โ€“ START OVER

    When the road to success seemed much too long and each temptation was oh so strong
    and once again you gave in to wrong โ€“ START OVER

    When youโ€™ve told your friends what you planned to do and trusted them to help
    you through and soon discovered its up to you โ€“ START OVER

    When you know you must be physically fit but your hope seems gone and your
    stuck in a pit. Thatโ€™s not the time for you to quit โ€“ START OVER

    When the week seems long and successes few and at weigh in time your feeling
    blue, remember tomorrow is just for you โ€“ START OVER

    To start again means a victoryโ€™s been won and starting over AGAIN means a race
    well won, and starting over AGAIN proves it can be done, so donโ€™t just sit
    there โ€“ START OVER!!

  91. #129
    gypsy chaos

    You’ve been snooping around in MY HOME!
    Thank you for sharing the comparison of what we’d do with our children and what we do with ourselves. I’m going to remember this.

  92. #130
    Amy

    Cathy, I lost a lot of weight a few years ago living an extremely ‘black and white’ life … anyway, my colourful life took over and the weight went back on, now I am embarking on how to be healthy, lose the weight and still maintain a sense of self and sanity – it is NOT easy!
    We all embark on this as our own journey I suppose, without sounding too dramatic, but you can be assured that you are not alone … another chick over here in Australia is living it right with you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  93. #131
    Paul B

    Hey Cathy – boy can I relate to not being able to stick to eating just the one treat. My healthy eating took a turn for the worse when after cutting out all chocolate and sugar, I decided it was okay to eat Choc Raisins. I reasoned that they weren’t easy to come by (I’d have to walk 15 mins to the nearest shop) and they were mostly raisin with a tiny chocolate coating. Funny how it didn’t take long before i was eating two large packets every day. Moderation is not in my dictionary.

    Anyways, I’ve just picked up a book called “The Four Hour Body” by Tim Ferriss. I only started reading the relevant chapters yesterday and haven’t put anything he says into practice but it certainly seems worthy of a go. It’s extreme but what he advises doesn’t sound too dissimilar to what you eat already. Best of all, you apparently lose weight faster if you take one day off to eat all the carbs and crap you wish. As I say, haven’t tried this myself but I’m liking the idea. It’s certainly worth a read. It may help you treat yourself and still look after your weight. Or it may not. No harm in reading the first few chapters.

    Looking forward to reading your future posts. Breathe deep and tell yourself “It’s all good!”

    Sending hugs and love. Paul xxx

  94. #132
    Dar

    I’m commenting a day late, but yesterday was crazy. Only had time to read your story, but not comment. I’ve been thinking it over since yesterday, and your struggle is so like mine (and many other girls’, apparently!) We can’t give up. If we need to do some thinking on this, move while we think. Walk or dance a little, while we examine our motivations and our trouble spots. Just don’t sit on the couch with a box or bag of treats to ponder our situation.

    If we fall six times, make sure to get up seven.
    You’re not alone.

  95. #135
    cathy

    Ive heard of this one too, Paul. From a few people. I may have to check it out. I really dont want to live so black and white that I can never have a potato chip or a brownie, you know?

  96. #139
    Kristen

    In my opinion, those struggled make you nothing but a REAL person. Or at least a person very similar to myself!
    Like you, I read women food & God by Geneen Roth and my soul totally agreed with everything she said, except when it was over I still wanted/needed to lose weight and I needed some structure. So I did still diet, but with a different frame of mind than before I read the book. But when I face the struggles you’re facing, that’s when I think that maybe my soul was right and that book & Geneen’s philosphy are the only real way for LASTING change. But actually impletmenting any other plan besides my current one of “meaning well but pretty much doing the same old thing” is still so hard, whether it’s a diet or letting your body eat what it wants and stop when it’s full.
    I too, want the 6 muffins instead of the one. Despite the fact that I know with certainty that if I only had 1, my body would savor it and be satisfied and move on.
    It’s just hard and I have no advice cause in the midst of it all too, but your words, your triumphs and “defeats” and struggles just make you like every other person who is trying to treat themselves better. And for myself, it makes me take it a little easier on myself when I fall off the wagon.
    I try to tell myself often: “I may not be where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be!”, which I heard Joyce Meyer say. And I’d say that it applies to you too!!
    xoxo

  97. #140
    cathy

    Part of me wants to re-read that book, because at the time, there was a part of me that didnt think i was an emotional eater kind of person. Changing my tune on that one, definitely. Thanks for the comment.

  98. #141
    Louise

    Thank you for your honesty but even more for just being you. You may not think you’re perfect but I sure do.

  99. #142
    Cathie Perkins

    Cathy, life is pretty up and down, but I have to say the one thing that really has helped me with weight loss is “the sweet poision quit plan” by David Gillespie. He really explains the whole can’t stop at one muffin. I didn’t think i had a sugar problem, but i find the less i eat of it the less i want. He says not all sugar is bad just fructose, so provides alternatives. In Australia we have a great chocolate (dark only) with no sugar, I can stop at one square of this (even though it is yummy) no way i can do that with real chocolate. It is slow weight loss for me, but i’m hoping that means my body and mind will have time to adjust and the maintenance will be easier. Your blog about MMEL over the last year has definitely inspired me, I now have a gym membership and am building up to 5 Zumba classes a week. It’s a journey, keep going ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  100. #143
    Rebecca Vavic

    I had some of those same issues with food, and here’s how I broke through that destructive little cycle I was in:
    http://rebeccavavic.typepad.com/fitmumma/2011/05/mothers-day-weekend-not-what-youd-expect.html

    Since that weekend, my scales continue to go down because I detoxed the sugar from my system and I was ready to smash my nutrition again.

    You are part of the inspiration that lead me to run my first half marathon in April… and I am in training for a full marathon in September.

    You are inspiring to so many Cathy. We all think you are so fabulous.

    Hugs
    Bxo

  101. #145
    tara pollard pakosta

    I LOVE how real you are! I am at 156 right now and was 153 last week, ugh. it’s a roller coaster! But I keep looking back at the fact on feb 14th I was 170 (my highest) and I have come pretty far. My goal is 130-135 though and this week I felt like being lazy! I ate chips, didn’t work out! and didn’t feel well and used it as an excuse. back on track, soon!!!! I feel your paint! trust me I do!!!
    tara

  102. #146
    dena

    hey….all I can say is that if it was easy, NONE of us would be battling with our weight. It friggin’ sucks…BIG TIME. Every moment, every second of every day, my mind is preoccupied with food….and weight. My weight governs my moods, the way I feel and the way I interact with the rest of the world. I hear you, i understand you….and sometimes, I think we have to fall a little, in order to get ourselves back up. You are a motivation and an inspiration. Thank You.

  103. #148
    francine

    Just want to thank you for being real. I think most of us could have written the same thing! I really admire your determination and honesty. I don’t often write on blogs, but I wanted to thank you for helping so many people on their journey to better health and fitness. As in any journey, there are slow points. (especially after a long, cold, snowy winter!). Good luck to both of us ๐Ÿ™‚

  104. #149
    Jacqueline

    Don’t let these numbers of the scale let you down – in the end, all what we remember are your stories, your art and your spirit!

    And about wanting 5 muffins instead of just one, try this trick.
    Take that one muffin, find a silent place in the house, close your eyes en take a bite. Taste that great muffin and enjoy it with your eyes closed – other senses will kick in and make the pleasure even greater.
    Just use this kind of mindfullness and eat very slowly that muffin.

    By being aware and really enjoying that one treat, you might end up eating less because of the intensity of the muffin.
    It might take some practise to do this slowly, but it helps me to literally slow down and just enjoy what I am eating without feeling quilty.

    (Just don’t repeat it for all the 5 muffins that same day, skip one day and then do it again… ๐Ÿ™‚ )

  105. #150
    Robyn

    so know how you feel Cathy… I’ve lost 50 lbs on WW & I have to say I think the maintaining part is the hardest. I got 15 lbs off online & sorta wavered for a year before joining meetings with my sister. You *think* you can handle going back into an old way of eating, but in a matter of minutes {yes, minutes, really!}, the weight is back & you’ve got to work your arse off to get it back off before next weigh in {incidentally, still going to meetings each week & weighing in each week is what keeps me on the wagon}. good luck finding your way, you’re looking great!

  106. #151
    Jocie Stevens

    Cathy
    I appreciate your candor and your honesty about your journey. I believe in you and think you are amazing. I met you once years ago at an CKU so I really don’t know you except from your blog. I recently lost 100 lbs on WW and I know how hard this journey is. I love food, I still love food, I will always love food. It is taking one day at a time and staying present. You are so fabulous, I know you can do whatever you put your mind and heart into. Don’t be so hard on yourself, just pick yourself up and keep going forward. I really think you are incredible. My journey is not over, I still have 43 lbs to go to goal, I take it one day at a time and make sure never to miss my WW weekly meeting and my exercise.

  107. #153
    Jocie Stevens

    You are inspiring too! I am always inspired by your creativity, your walking to running blows me away, quitting smoking, raising 2 children. You go girl.

  108. #154
    Sarah

    hey Cathy, long time no visit.
    I’ve stopped drinking and smoking but still struggle mightily with food/sugar/simple carbs. Someone said to me – with drinking and smoking you slay the dragon. With food you have to pet the dragon 3 times a day.
    When we quit something we’ve made the choice and pretty much that’s it – maintain the choice. With food, every time we eat we have to re-make that choice – and sometimes we can’t. Or don’t.
    I’m past the point where I want to lose weight for vanity’s sake, I need to lose weight to get healthy. Sugar’s high, cholesterol’s high, and I have a sit down most of the day job. So I need to get after it. Seeing my doctor today for a nutritionist referral. I need someone to write me a food prescription; will power isn’t going to do it for me.
    So – hang in there. Many of us are going on the same journey. Now I know I can check in here for food inspiration in addition to creative inspiration. boo-rah!

  109. #156
    jeanie york

    I just want you to know that I love reading your Move More Eat Less stories, I know exactly what you are going through. I have lost 115 pounds to have gained it all back and then more. I just last year lost 96 pounds and have since gained back 50. The road is tough. I have to convince myself that I am worth it. I too have a treadmill that I did use everyday. I am trying to get back on the treadmill and the diet that I have to do the rest of my life. But what really struck me was where you said you could eat 5 muffins. that is me. I don’t want just 1, I want 6, because tomorrow I won’t have any. I have gotten out of that mindset once. I just have to find that strength again.. you are a moviation to me. I love reading your struggles, as they are true life problems. Thank you for sharing.

  110. #157
    Staci

    Cathy, your eat less, move more journey was my inspiration to do the same. And I think that you actually telling your story of the gain back has been an even bigger motivator. Sure I can read all those blogs from women who could stunt double for Jillian, but they don’t feel real to me. You are! I have been on a similar track to you, but I’m going at a much slower pace, and I’ve actually plateaued for the last month and a half. My little WW graph has a straight line, literally! Hearing your real feelings about things has allowed me to process and keep moving forward. Way more motivational than the can’t-pinch-an-inch gym instructors who spend all day at the gym because that’s how they get paid. Good for them, but I need a person like me just sharing.

  111. #158
    cathy

    Well, the thing is, Im never going to be some tight abbed gym girl. I need to also work with getting okay with this, that my 30 year old body is LONG gone baby. One day at a time for sure.

  112. #159
    cathy

    My WW graph is pretty much even for the past 6 months too. Hang in there. Just remember how good the moving and eating healthier is for your brain as well! : ) At least it is for me.

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