Self-portrait, taken on a back-friendly slow walk last weekend.
When life throws you lemons, you better hope and pray you don't have numerous, fresh paper cuts on your fingers.
So begins this month's edition of Move More, Eat Less, a time period which will go down on the record as one of the less than stellar efforts of the past 20 months.
Less than stellar for one glaring reason: the emergence of back pain just over a week ago that threw me for a bit of a loop on the old health and fitness wagon.
I am going to say this now: anyone out there reading who deals with any sort of chronic or recurring pain, you have my sympathy. Completely and fully. I've been so lucky in my life to have gotten by with so few aches and pains issues. Oh sure, a few sprained ankles in my high school sport days. A little plantar fasciitis in my adult onset-athlete years. But honestly, I've not dealt with the kind of pain that truly limits you from doing the things you normally do.
Until a week ago when a tweaked back had me literally flat on said back.
Rest, ice and a few visits to the chiropractor have put me back on the path to feeling much better. And even though I really did try to approach this issue with a very grown-up, life will do what it will do attitude, it sure didn't help the carb pity fest I threw for myself during most of last week.
You know, a box of Cheddar Bunnies here, 4 or 5 glasses of cranberry juice cocktail there. Some mini saltines, some dark chocolate (oh, but it's good for me!). A few nights of dining out. Lots of Sprite. As I said, a veritable crap carb fest.
The thing is, it's so easy to love that food again. It's amazing how on Sunday when I decided to get back to a healthy eating plan of balanced meals, the headache that raged throughout the day was begging me for just one more shot of Sprite.
Last October, I hit my lowest weight during this process, 141 pounds. It's funny how then, I was thinking, "Okay, this is GREAT! Next stop, the 130s!" And here I am up 18 pounds from October, with many bouts of getting back on this horse and riding under my belt.
I've had many steps backwards, and many steps back on.
The best part of all of this is that I keep on trying to Move More and Eat Better. I haven't once thrown the baby completely out with the bathwater. At least not for more than 24 hours at a time.
Of course, I'm still working on the psychological aspects of body image, weight, wellness, and such. This is something that, like getting into shape and staying there, doesn't have an actual end point. It too is a process that continues to take me one step forward, and a few steps back.
As I sit here in my office, with a huge ice pack on my back, I'm still hopeful that this lifestyle is the right one for me. That it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
Sure, a few wrenches will get thrown into the works. But I seem to have the know-how to ride them out, and get back to the business of taking care of me.
Here's my page for this month:
JOURNALING READS: It’s time to have a little come-to-Jesus talk. Up from 154.5 last month, something has got to give. This month has been, for all intents and purposes, one big pile of dog doo for me. It didn’t help that my back went out and I proceeded to drown my sorrows in Cheddar Bunnies and graham crackers. Nope. That didn’t help at all. It’s funny, because I really did accept this back thing with an adult attitude, accepting that life is going to throw things at you and it’s up to you to choose your response. I just wish I hadn’t chosen so many mini saltine crackers. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this: self-loathing doesn’t make changes happen. Instead, it just makes me feel worse about myself. I realize that I’m still very committed to staying in shape. I’m very committed to Moving More and Eating Better. I have got to work on not equating thinness with success and goodness. This is so ingrained in my psyche though. Dan and I were on a walk over the weekend, and he was asking me if I’ve always felt I wasn’t thin enough, like even back in high school. And I said, “Oh, I was always trying to drop a few here and there. It’s been with me all of my life.” I think this is a little bit sad, really. All of the time wasted on worrying about a muffin top. And yet, it’s with me every single day.
My goal this month is simply to get my back in form, return to runs, eat well for my body and stay away from the processed shit food. And if runs are going to be out of the picture for awhile, I’m proud to know I have other options for Moving More. It’s all part of the continuing journey. Amen.
How was your July? Progress? Pain? Even steven? Let's start the discussion, because Lord knows, it's always one we find we can relate to.
Want to learn more about Move More Eat Less 2011? Click here to learn more about the concept.