#craftfail

Cathy ZielskeCZ Life75 Comments

Pinterest, I hate you.

Okay, maybe hate is too strong a word. How about Pinterest, you lying, deceptive temptress of hand-made evil? 

I'll admit I am relatively green when it comes to all things Pinterest. I've only skirted the phenomenon. I was under the impression that seeing all that awesomeness would give me a case of the "I can't do that s#$t blues." And guess what?

It did.

I know how to design scrapbook pages. I'm good at it. I know this. I make fonts do what I want them to do on command. I know clean. I know simple. These are my personal, self-evident truths.

But get a hot glue gun in my hand and I am literally a hot freaking mess.

Exhibit A: My cheese cloth ghost project.

What it was supposed to look like:

Screen Shot 2013-09-29 at 10.52.26 AM

What mine looks like:

Failtwo

I know, I probably used the wrong kind of spray starch. But I stood there shaking my fist at the sky (or at least the front porch ceiling) thinking: WHY, MICHAELS? WHY DO I THINK I CAN DO THIS STUFF? DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

That and, "I want my $70 BACK!"

Exhibit B: My glitter pumpkin.

Failone

Nottheworst

Okay, this one isn't so bad. Except for one little, nagging issue.

I hate glitter.

I'm sorry, but I do. I try to like it. Intrinsically, I know that as a female crafter I am supposed to like glitter. But it really is the herpes of the craft world. The minute it touches my skin I have a visceral reaction and head for the nearest sink. I'm afraid it will never, ever wash off.

I also have an irrational fear that a micro-shard will land in my eye and scratch my cornea, rendering me partially sightless for all future craft fails.

I have zero joy when working with glitter. Only fear and a healthy dose of garden-variety suspicion. It's just not worth it.

Not all recent attempts have been complete losses. For example, I successfully hot-glued plastic spiders onto my store-bought wreath. 

Success

The operative word being "store-bought."

And there is still my yet-to-be-taken-out-of-the-box Silhouette Cameo.

I know many of you are scratching your heads. "CATHY!" you're shouting at the computer screen, "Unbox that s@#t already!"

In due time, people. In due time.

Comparison is the thief of joy, comparison is the thief of joy.

It's the journey that matters, not the destination.

Oh hell.

Buy it at a store and be done with it already.

Amen.

Cathy Zielske#craftfail

75 Comments on “#craftfail”

  1. #1
    Angie Coleman

    Cathy, I used to make those standing ones using just plain old Elmer’s glue diluted just a little bit. I think they have the Aleene’s Fabric Stiffener now also. I used a ball of newspaper or styrofoam to shape the head and a wire clothes hanger for holding the arms up until it dried. Good luck!

  2. #2
    Deb

    Oh, man, Cathy, I totally laughed out loud at that ghost! (That’s laughing WITH you, not AT you, friend) I made one of those a long time ago, but it was much smaller. And I think we did use diluted Elmer’s glue. And I am with you on the glitter, sister. My daughter once “accidentally” glittered a folding chair while working on a school project. The whole seat. Needless to say it is a decorative piece now. No seats will be sitting on it, lest they be forever sparkly.

  3. #3
    marsaille

    My name is Marsaille. I am female, and I hate glitter. I too have the irrational fear that I am going to lose an eye. My Mom must have too, since she is the one who told me when I was little that they are tiny shards of glass. (I am pretty sure that is only the good kind now.) There is a reason that there is a “No Glitter” clause in most rental agreements.

  4. #5
    Francisca

    It might just be me, but I see some kind of a dog shape in your ghost. Maybe because you just love dogs so much that it kind of look like it?
    At least you have tried it! πŸ˜‰

  5. #6
    carlajinar

    right there with you!!! I am not a glitter fan! It all started with my boys in preschool…need I say more?

  6. #8
    heidig

    You are a riot. I’ve made the ghost. You need to use liquid starch (you can find it in gallon jugs in the laundry aisle at the grocery store). It won’t work with spray starch. Use a balloon to shape the head and a coat hanger to hold up the arms. I’m with you on glitter though. Glitter is from the devil!

  7. #9
    Donna A

    No glitter here! And I have successfully passed that trait on to my 19 year old daughter. So sorry about the ghost but I can’t wait to see what you think of the Cameo…

  8. #12
    Michelle

    LOL! I am sure if I even attempted the ghost that mine would look about the same. You crack me up! I would just buy the stuff at the store, too. The Christmas I was pregnant with my oldest daughter I decided to MAKE all my Christmas gifts. They were all epic failures so I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. At least you have a healthy attitude about the whole thing. πŸ™‚

  9. #14
    Loydene

    You have fodder for your first “Pin Fails” board …. you know there is a whole subculture for “tried it … did not work/tasted like garbage/looked like sh!t” ….

    Create a big subway board with Halloweenie words — that’s a font thing!

  10. #16
    Elizabeth

    My neighbor in WY gave me a Silhouette Portrait as a going-away gift (long story, but yes, she is awesome) and I was totally worried it would be too much tool for me until I finally opened it up and YES, you need to unbox it this week. You will love it. It does clean and simple just as well as all the complicated stuff you see.

  11. #17
    Mariah

    So hilarious! I laughed at laughed. I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune, I just couldn’t help myself. Also, Loydene posted about a fail board on pinterest. I’m checking that out. To tell you the truth, I also don’t know why I pin so many pins on pinterest…I’m not going to be making half of the stuff on there…or any of it. sigh….

  12. #18
    Sonia

    Thank you! Thank you for acknowledging that you hate glitter. I do too and feel a sense of crafting shame in this time of glitter overload. I am so waiting for this fad to die and not soon enough. πŸ™‚

  13. #20
    Dena

    You are so funny!! I hate glitter too – why does anyone need glitter? And i have a tip on the cameo so that you do not have another failure on your hands. The mat is sticky as hell and the first few things you make do NOT turn out!!!!!!!! And do not cut anything intricate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just use some old paper you hate and cut some basic designs to get the feel for it and how deep you have to set your blade and to get the sticky stuff off of your mat and then cut what you want and i swear to you it will turn out awesome. I wish someone had told me this because after my first two or six attempts at using it i was almost in tears that i spent so much money on that thing and it wasn’t as great as everyone said it was going to be and how the hell were other people making this sh*t and now i L.O.V.E. it!!!! Good luck and i am eagerly awaiting the next bee video ;o)

  14. #21
    Melissa

    I can not stand glitter and won’t even let a glitter pen into my house much less actual glitter. You are not alone. I’ll stand in Michael’s all day and look at the pretty glitter multi-packs, but I. will. not. buy. it. Plus time is money, baby. I’d rather throw money at the problem and be done with it. Life is too short. And I’m never going to be Martha Stewart anyway, so why bother.

    “Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn’t make me Madonna. Never will.” (Working Girl)

  15. #22
    Jeanie W

    Yup – have made the ghost in the past. Used something liquid – either glue or fabric stiffener. Put plastic wrap over my old Barbie – had her arms out and draped the cheesecloth over her. Worked pretty good. hmmm – wonder is that ghost is still in the attic somewhere – will need to look.

  16. #23
    bdaiss

    Diluted white glue for the ghosty – that’s how I did mine as well! And mine lasted for about 5 years when I hung them in an out of the way closet. You also might have just not waited long enough for it to dry? My first attempt “deflated” (even though they felt dry to the touch) so I left the others for a few more days and they were fine.

    Your little pumpkin does look super cute! I have a total love/hate relationship with glitter. I love the look, I hate the mess. No fear of eye scratching (yet); just of my kids getting ahold of the biggest bottles and spreading them top to bottom of my house. πŸ™‚

    Every one has at least one pin-fail. (Some of us have *ahem* dozens.) Shake it off and keep on moving!

  17. #25
    Daniella Pascarelli

    Cathy, you can’t imagine what a Silhouette could do for types. It’s amazing!! Give it a try.

  18. #26
    Amy

    When you posted the ghost picture last week, at first I thought you already made it and I thought “holy crap, that actually works!” then I realized you were PLANNING to make it and I wondered how it would turn out. I think you need to soak the cheesecloth in some kind of glue, or “stiffy” stuff. Remember back in the late 80s the glue lady, Aleene did projects like that?
    I hate glitter projects that my kids do – always 10 times the glitter and 1/2 the glue. Pick them up from preschool with one of those and your car is never the same.

    This is by far one of the funniest blog posts I’ve ever read! Believe me, I’m laughing WITH you because I can relate to the whole thing! Thank You!!!

  19. #27
    Marilyn T

    I hate glitter too. I remember when my now college aged daughter was in a cooperative preschool, and it was my turn to help in the classroom, I used to pray the night before (and all the way there in the car) “please, do not let the teacher make the art project involve glitter”. Not only do I hate it on principle, but that crap is IMPOSSIBLE to clean up!!

  20. #31
    Melanie A.

    that would be called Pinterest Fail and I think you can google and find tons of them LOL. Yes you are not alone. Don’t hate it though. There are a bunch that come out and are easier than you think! And the Cameo, unbox it!! Did you see my post to you about the 3D cemetery!!!???

  21. #33
    Abby P.

    You are too funny! I LOVE all the cool-craftiness I see on Pinterest, and even pin a few (including the ghost). But I never try making them. So, you even with your “fail”, you are lapping all of us who only pin and admire! Consider that a success!

  22. #34
    FrancineC

    Thanks for the Monday giggle. Your little pumpkin is cute though! But I am with you on glitter. I have mine hidden away in the garage, because I really don’t want the 4 year old to discover it. tee hee

  23. #37
    Doris

    Lol. Your ghost is to die for! Ha!
    Btw what about a chalkboard pumpkin? Now you’ve got my wheels spinning.
    Don’t feel bad about leaving with $70 dollars from Michaels. If I ever left spending $70 from Michaels my husband would have a heart attack!

  24. #40
    H2

    Yeah, super creative projects always turn out perfect in my head too. Execution is always shaky! A+ for trying though.

  25. #41
    Lisa Jimenez

    You are hilarious!! I love reading your posts, you make me laugh every time! My Pinterest Crafts Board is called “Crafts I love, but have no time for” and the fact that I know nothing will turn out the way it’s supposed to, but that is kind of a long title! LOL, glad I’m not alone!! Pinterest is the devil, that I love!!!

  26. #42
    Kropster

    I’m ROTL about the ghost. I was going to attempt it myself. Now I have second thoughts. Or maybe it’s making me want to try even more. Then IF mine works out I can think to myself “i actually can do a craft better than CZ”! Which would make my day.

    But for now I am happy to have the two new Halloween “bell” wreaths hung in my kitchen windows and hoping to get the boxes of Halloween stuff down from the attic today.

    thanks for the chuckle.

  27. #43
    Kaysie

    I agree with the others who see the ‘dog’ in your ghost…..a cute, button nosed ghost dog. Maybeeeeeeeeeee not the effect you were looking for…but still, very cute and unique! and no, I would not even attempt this craft.

  28. #45
    Chandra

    That ghost cracked me up! Poor guy. I inevitably knock over every bottle of glitter I ever buy. I look like an undercover stripper most weekends.

  29. #46
    Maegan

    “Buy it at a store and be done with it already.” Indeed. I whole heartedly agree. I almost spit coffee all over my fresh new keyboard when I read that glitter is the herpes of the craft world. Hilarious. I can’t wait to tell my husband. He would agree with you, my five year old would not. I recently saw a shirt at Gap Kids that said, “Glitter is my favorite color” and barely resisted the urge to buy it for her.

  30. #50
    Keianna

    This has to be the funniest post EVER. And Yes, Pinterest will have you shaking your fist at the craft Gods πŸ™‚ And I agree, glitter is from the devil and this is from someone with a crafty spirit. With all that said, open that damn Cameo. It is fantastic and I love it to the moon and back.

  31. #52
    Angela NJ

    Please add “pithy banter” to your list of strengths along with fonts and photo books. You might have missed your calling as a stand up comedian or humorist. I first started reading your blog when you worked with the scrapbooking magazines; now I come here as much for your commentary as your design. Thanks for the belly laughs today πŸ™‚

  32. #53
    Kelli

    Oh, Cathy! I was going to buy the stuff to make those ghosts today! Thank goodness I didn’t.
    Don’t make the pumpkins out of dryer vent hose either, it doesn’t take spray paint as well as Pinterest will lead you to believe.

  33. #54
    Pilbara Pink

    You had me laughing out loud , kinda awkward at work! However, I have to say I ADORE glitter! My husband is resigned to frequently having glitter on his face or clothing as it does indeed go everywhere – not a fault in my mind!! No project of mine is complete without either a touch of glitter or a dab of gold paint. Cannot wait to see what you make of/with the Silhouette. I was nearly in tears of frustration with my mine initially (trying to cut vinyl) but youtube videos saved the day and I could (sometimes do) spend all day making stuff with it.

  34. #55
    Christine

    I agree with the previous poster, you would be great at standup comedy. I think your ghost is very cute and your glitter pumpkin came out nice. Now, go make some bats!

  35. #56
    Tinka

    ROFLOL about your Cameo!!! my Cricut didn’t make it out of the box for over a year after I bought it…and I’ve used it once. I’ve had my Cameo for over a year and it’s still in the box. I bought the Silhouette Portrait a few months ago (cuz a girl can’t ever have too many cutting machines, right?) which I’ve played with once. Then there’s the Big Shot, my original Sizzix, and my Sizzix Sidekicks (yes, I have two!), all waiting to be unpacked!

  36. #57
    Dawn M

    Another glitter hater here! Although I never worried about getting it in my eye . . . until now. So, thanks for that. πŸ˜€

  37. #59
    AmySorensen

    ” I’m afraid it will never, ever wash off.”

    That’s because it won’t.

    I wrote a week’s worth of Silhouette/Cameo ideas on Write Click Scrapbook earlier this spring (it starts here: http://www.writeclickscrapbook.com/write_click_scrapbook/2013/05/silhouette-digital-machine-fast-easy.html)

    and my favorite tip to share is that when your mat gets so it’s no longer very sticky, use Washi tape to hold the paper you’re cutting in place. It is a great way to use that one ugly roll everyone seems to have sticking around…

    Maybe you should ask for Cameo tips just to get you over the hump.

    But the best thing: glitter would totally gunk up your machine. None allowed! πŸ™‚

  38. #61
    Stacey

    Oh Cathy, better a Pinterest fail, than a blog fail I suppose. You never cease in your ability to literally make me laugh out loud. You, my dear lady, are a trip and a half!

  39. #63
    Irene

    AMEN SISTER! Buy it and be done with it. Life is WAY TO SHORT to spend it doing sh*t you ain’t good at that makes you feel bad about yourself when you attempt it! That is why I am NOT a crafter. I am a scrapbooker! Martha Stewart’s got nothing to worry about with me on her heels!

  40. #64
    Laura

    OMG. Thank you. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. And truth be told? I laughed just as hard at your ghost the second and the third time I looked at it. In fact I’m giggling as I type this right now. Thank you for sharing.

  41. #65
    Suzy

    Amen, Sister! Buy it at a store. That’s my philosophy. So not worth my time or my self-esteem to try and fail and try and fail and fail some more. There’s a reason I switched to digital scrapbooking. At least I love what I create now. πŸ™‚

  42. #66
    Marilyn

    Thanks for the chuckles and real life honesty. I was truly tempted to try a ghost of my own until I saw yours…which is how mine would probably look too. You’ve saved me big bucks! I have a love/hate relationship with glitter…love it until I try to clean it up. It breeds.

  43. #67
    Katie B

    I am so with you on the glitter thing, it IS the herpes of the craft world. I once won a pack of various glitters and my BFF laughed at me, “You? Won Glitter?” I can still hear the cackling. The Silhouette I took out of the box, the glitter is still in those jars.

  44. #68
    Kim L

    I’m a bit late to the post this week – but this cracks me up. I’m right there with ya on the whole pinterest thing.
    But you have to unbox the cameo – I need to know how the bat thing works out!

  45. #70
    kristin

    i like glitter, actually, the way it sparkles ROCKS. but i think that i’m not a fan of it being used in the house.
    don’t they have glitter spray paint? outside… no need for the glue- it’s all in one.

  46. #72
    Jenny B.

    I hate glitter too, but I love Pinterest. I look at it like I’m reading Martha Stewart Living. It’s a magazine with lots of beautiful things — some of which I might like to attempt to recreate, and lots that I just like to look at (or possibly purchase). πŸ™‚

  47. #74
    Dieverdog

    I am totally with you on the glitter-hating bus! I’m a lifelong crafter and a female but I hate glitter, too. On another note though — get that Cameo outta the box, you will love it, I guarantee it! I’m a designer like you and the fact that you can design it to use ANY font or design from your computer — makes it so freaking awesome I can’t even describe! So put away the glitter and break out the Cameo!

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