“I’m about to get into this, girls…This is for all the grown women out there.”
—Beyoncé, from Blow
That’s all the warning you’re going to get, people.
I’m officially filing a missing persons report.
For my Aunt Flo.
Now before you get all up in my TMI grill, I have a purpose here. I have a pros and cons list I’d like to share with you today. We don’t talk publicly about The Change of Life nearly enough. I have a platform here and I am going to use it.
Hell, I may create a whole new category of scrapbooking: Changebooking.
Let me state for the record I’m proud to say that I’m 48 years old. (And I like to KICK—streeetch—and KICK.) I have no problem with aging. In fact, I’m extremely grateful for every year I get to still be here.
But as of this month, my Aunt Flo has officially been missing for one year.
(Side note: At a recent ladies gathering I mentioned that I was filing a missing person’s report for my Aunt Flo, and someone missed the ‘Aunt Flo’ part and was all, “Oh no! Your aunt is missing?)
But back to my story: it’s official… THE CHANGE is upon me.
Following is a very unscientific listing of what I believe to be the real pros and cons of a missing menses.
THE PROS
• I can wear my white pantsuit any time I please.
• Ditto the white bathing suit.
• Ditto the white booty shorts. (I’m just kidding. I only wear red and black booty shorts.)
• I am saving roughly $36 a year on feminine hygiene.
• No more cramps.
• I never sync up with female co-workers for an office-wide surge of menses-induced workplace irritability. (Note: as a self-employed person, this was not actually possible in the first place, but humor me.)
• If I’m at a party and I’m tired and ready to go home, I can say things like, “OH YES! I remember when I USED TO HAVE MY PERIOD,” and that pretty much clears the room.
• I can always say yes to special mommy-daddy “hugs”.
THE CONS
• I can always say yes to special mommy-daddy “hugs”.
• Fewer excuses for generalized irritability.
• COULD SOMEONE PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, TURN THE HEAT DOWN IN HERE?
• Why am I gaining weight just by looking at food?
• I said, why am I gaining weight just by LOOKING at food?
• Tampon commercials no longer speak to me the way they used to. Whaaat? I can swim during my period?
• Does early menopause mean my life will be exponentially shorter?
I guess if we’re going to declare a winner, it’d have to be the Pros.
Because there are only a few of the cons that suck. Most of this process? So far, just fine.
I think I’ll let my Auntie go her own way for now. From what I hear, she could decide to show up at any point, completely unannounced, and there goes my grand plan for an all-Spring-whites wardrobe.
Helena says
I’m with you on the pros winning although my Aunty Flo turned up unexpectedly after 11 months away – loving being without her. and thank you so so so so much for being the only woman blogger I know who is talking about this. Off to open the windows for a cool breeze
kathyjocamacho@att.net says
Welcome sister! Happy to have you in the club.
RitaQ says
Hey Cathy… Pro… no more worries about special little ones 9 months after special mommy-daddy hugs!
krys72599 says
April 30th will be one year MY Aunt Flo went missing, although even on my daily candy the year before, she only visited once, I think, for a very short stay. To be quite honest, I haven’t missed her at all.
What’s funny, though, is MY furnace must have something wrong with it as well because it’s been hot as H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEYSTICKS in my house, too!
Signed,
Keeping everything crossed she stays missing forever…
lydia says
there was a time when women felt less womanly when aunt flo went missing-times have certainly changed and at almost 46-i’m so looking forward to aunt flo going b-bye, furnace or no furnace, there’s always chilled wine!
Janet Kemper says
love this post…you are awesome!
Gwen says
You make me laugh!!!! (and that’s not my basic personality)
suetreiber says
Dude, you are so lucky.
I turned 46 yesterday and I’m as much of a hot mess as I was as a teen.
Cramps? Hellacious.
Regularity? huh? not even close.
Hot flashes? Extreme.
Acne? You bet.
I’m so beyond ready to kick Flo to the curb.
Heather Hubert says
Okay. That was freakin hilarious! Thank you for using your platform so wisely!
Kirsten J says
Ah yes, the land of personal summers…..
Brenda says
The Pros will so outway the Cons when I can finally say Goodbye to Aunt Flo for good. For now at age 45 she’s just that unwanted guest who shows up unannounced whenever she pleases, and stays as long as she pleases. From personal experience I’m thinking pre-Change may be worse than The Change.
By the way, thanks for another dose of Truth and Humor, both of which we all need more of.
Frankie says
Well color me jealous! I turn 50 next month and my $*#&U$$# Aunt Flo is still as regular as ever. I’m so looking forward to her demise! I definitely think the pros outweigh the cons so I say congratulations to you and enjoy it!
Tara Whitney says
This was hilarious, you dried up beautiful friend.
Leslie says
I love you. That is all.
Your Sister in Change . . .
Chris says
Congratulations! My friend said to me just a few months ago (in exasperation), “What on earth does a 48 year old woman need with a period!?” Being 48 as well, I agreed. Of course, Suzanne Summers would disagree.
Kathy says
She is my least favorite Aunt … at 45yo I have dealt with her for 35 years (minus a few pregnancies and 4 years of mirena) and am ready to bid her adieu! Enjoy your spring whites!
Marcie L says
Damn, you are so funny.
Cyndi says
I’m 48 and mildly amused by the recent realization that I spent a number of years praying that my period would come (misspent youth), then a number praying that it wouldn’t (infertility sucks), and now I am really excited when Aunt Flo is a few days late, for entirely different reasons. About three years ago my doc said that I was within a year or so of menopause…next time I’m going to get that shit in writing.
Myra says
UGH, I’m 49 and mine is still in full swing. I’m so ready for it to be over. My 13-year-old is complaining about hers. All I can do is snicker, hand her the heating pad, the bottle of Midol and wish her well.
Allison says
This would make an interesting plot for a Rear Window sequel.
Katie Pertiet says
welcome to the club… Flo left me when I was 35…she was my least favorite aunt too 😉 Hope you’re not dealing with the night sweats and horrible mood swings… but don’t take HRT… I did for nearly 5 years and it created a lot of health problems! Go for more natural options… maybe there’s an oil for that 🙂
Mary Kay says
I hear you, sister! Unfortunately, my dear Aunt keeps popping up unexpectedly, often when I’m on vacation. She came along to Italy in December 2012 and then I had juuusssst reached one year when she tagged along to Los Angeles a few weeks ago. Ready to be rid of her for good, especially since I endured the faulty furnace issues years ago at age 43 or so. At 48 I’m just DONE with the whole thing!
Karen S says
Welcome! I think you left a con off the list. I can’t remember what it is I was going to add, but if I think of it, I’ll get back to ya! Seriously, the memory loss is taxing!
Deb @ PaperTurtle says
Oh my gosh you crack me up, Cathy. Awesome list – I nodded all the way through!
debbie says
Fewer excuses for generalized irritability????? This doesn’t go away… just ask anyone who dares to live in the same house with me 🙂 Let me know if you discover the cure for the weight gain…..can anyone say middle aged spread? And thank you for the polar vortex that kept me cool and comfortable all winter!
This was a fun read!!
Pat says
Oh Cathy…awesome post! My Aunt Flo has been confused for 2 years now…she goes missing for 6 months and then out of the blue when I least expect it shazam…shes back…like what the? I just love your blog and how you put things out there and we all feel better!
susan says
yes! what is it about the looking at food part. UGH!! I know they warn you about a slower metabolism but this is ridiculous!!
Shawni says
I’m so glad I know you. And by ‘know’ of course I mean ‘stalk’. 🙂
heidig says
Oh my gosh, you’re too funny! Aunt Flo hasn’t been missing for a year yet but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn’t visit anytime soon. She’s an unwelcome guest!
cathy says
Yeah, OILS! ; )
cathy says
LOL!
Kathy H. says
Hallelujah Cathy!! Someone out there not afraid to talk about “the change”. I always think of that All in the Family episode when Edith is going through and Archie yells at her hurry up and change. Another thing to add to the pro list is not having to shave as often.
Stacey says
As usual CZ’s keeping it real for all of us! I’m glad I didn’t read this at work because the gaffaw was clearly audible! (LOL, just didn’t seem to cut it there – ha!)
Karen Lee says
52. Still going.
Lorrie McCullers says
I’m only 38 so I have roughly 10 to 12 more years of “my monthlies” (going by when my mom went through “the change”).
Assuming I have 12 more years:
That’s 144 more periods, each lasting about 5 days.
720 more days of torture.
Any wonder why I pray for my uterus to just spontaneously fall out? 🙂
Anthonette says
Cathy Zielske, you are THE best! I’m 50 and Aunt Flo (or Tia Flo in my case) is kicking my butt. Still very regular and giving me SO much pain. Every couple of months I feel like I’m recovering from an appendectomy. And she hangs around way too long too. She overstays her welcome each time. Thanks for talking about this….Changebooking…LOL!
valerie says
Almost 52.
Auntie comes on her timetable.
Once she stayed for TWO FREAKING WEEKS.
That Biznatch has got.to.go.
Adele says
I love your blog, you are fabulous.
Stephanie Watson says
I remember when my mother officially kicked the ol’ aunt to the curb. Her response…”Wait, this is how men have always lived?!!”
Kelly P says
For all of you who are still dealing with the horror, let me give you the best tip ever– ABLATION!!
I had it done 12/20 (Merry Christmas to ME!) and after the recovery I have not had any visits from the unwanted Auntie. I am SO happy and feel so much better without wondering when she was going to show up suddenly and how long she was going to stay. After dealing with fertility issues and not having a regular period during my time trying to have children, losing a bunch of weight at 34 caused the beyotch to (I guess) repay me with a vengeance. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
And, I have luckily avoided the “mother-daughter special joint time to kill everyone else with the fury and angst” that I have heard about. I remember the fun my Mom and I shared and am glad to not have to do that with my daughters.
Now– since we are talking TMI– please don’t forget to schedule your colonoscopy (sorry– family history on both sides make me want to warn everyone to get seen for that_
Jenny B. says
Cathy, thank you for sharing. I am 38, and just had what I think was my first sign of perimenopause, which was a period that was 3 weeks late for no reason. It’s never ever happened before in my life, and despite the Internet’s and nurse’s suggestion that I’ve been under an abnormal amount of stress (no) or that I must have begun a new rigorous exercise program (ha!), I know what it is. I am not at the stage of acceptance you are. I took six pregnancy tests wishing and hoping, and then worrying about all the things that could possibly be wrong with me… fibroid tumors? ovarian cysts? Sigh… Bloodwork was normal and AF finally showed, so I think the days of planning our vacations a year in advance based on my “personal” schedule (and actually having it work out) are over, and I am not happy about it. 🙁 So… I appreciate your honesty, and for giving me hope that it’s all going to be OK.
Kimberlee says
I am 44, and earlier this month, I also thought my Aunt was missing. Turns out she wasn’t, and I was sorely disappointed. I’m ready for her to take a hike. But one of the reasons I wanted to comment is because I am glad you brought it up. No one talks about it, and I think that is so interesting. Like it is taboo to talk about her when she’s around, but then also to talk about when she leaves? Seriously? Anyway, thanks for continuing to talk about relevant topics. 🙂
Leslie B says
…special mommy-daddy “hugs” – I’m going to be chuckling to myself throughout this work day thanks to that one! LOVE it! Thank you for putting this out there and keeping it real. No one talks about this stuff which is weird because there are a gazillion women sharing the experience.
bdaiss says
Oh Cathy. You are perfect. And you’re right. We don’t talk about any of this stuff enough. Thank you for handling it so perfectly. (Candidly and with a good dose of humor – the best prescription for any subject!)
Nancy says
This really made me laugh. After my hysterectomy the best part was the missing Aunt Flo. Now one year plus into no HRT, I really could do without some of the cons, but the Pros totally outweigh them so it’s all good!
AnnieM says
I was the same age..47 when I stopped my periods. Other than a few years of hot flashes..hugely better now 10 years later…it’s been a breeze. Not to have to worry about pregnancy, or menses, or cramps is AWESOME. The weight gain part sucks, but it’s a definite tradeoff. All in all…loved the last 10 years of no auntie flo…. 🙂
Michelle says
I’m kind of jealous! I turned 52 last month and Aunt Flo still visits every month.
Christine says
From one 48 yr old to another, one word……jealous!
Pam P says
Oh Cathy…you are hilarious! Aunt Flo has been missing from my life for 7 years…..and you can damn well believe I did NOT go looking for her. I am pretty sure that she was hit by a car when she stepped off the curb and died instantly. Thank God.
While it hasn’t always been the easiest thing to endure….I will say I will NEVER live in another house without a ceiling fan above my bed!!!
After all the confusion of HRT….good…then bad…then good. I did not use HRT at all and I am here to tell you that it all does go away eventually. I am totally on the PRO side and I even have chill flashes on occasion…way better than the hot!!!
Paige says
I love this post. When I WAS pregnant and after my hysterectomy, “mommy-daddy hugs” were so much more enjoyable because I didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant.
I still managed to get hot flashes last year and some other signs of the change. My health coach directed me to Maca Root powder and after being on it for three days, all hot flashes and night sweats disappeared.
Now I’m using EO’s and have heard many women testify how EO’s have helped them.
I also heard about how in other cultures, post menopausal women are revered. Perhaps it’s because they managed to make it that far without killing someone. 🙂
All the best in your transition.
cathy says
yeah, so many women with so many different experiences, too.
cathy says
I too remember wanting it so badly in the 7th grade. Different periods of life affect how we react. No pun intended.
cathy says
: ) mwah.
cathy says
Well thank YOU. : )
That is something that never sucks to hear. Or, read.
cathy says
Yeah, why IS this taboo? Honestly. I was worried about posting it. I wondered if it was TMI, you know? But its freaking life. Thats all. Just life.
cathy says
Maca Root powder? I know nothing of this. I do have some EOs but not really sure how that would help. Off to google…
kim says
Just smiling ear to ear ,laughing with a twinkle in my eye,I can’t wait 🙂
Kendra B says
I love your lists!! This had me cracking up at my desk and co-workers looking at me weird 🙂
cathy says
ha! Right!
christina says
I’ll be 48 in September. I’m just a little scared of possible health problems because I already have a couple of chronic conditions that could be negatively affected such as osteoarthritis (which normally starts AFTER menopause!), but other than that I am getting used to the idea. I want to stop dyeing my hair, but it’s turned white. Salt and pepper is nice, but white?!?! Yet I am starting to feel unauthentic with an even and dark color. Oh well…
Jana says
Welcome to the Carefree Club, Cathy!! It’s so much nicer on this side 😉 ha. One of the reasons I took up exercise (I’m the character that jogs and dances while reading enlarged blogs, emails, facebook images on my computer) was to counteract the ravages of mood swings I heard came along with “the change”. It’s working very well, and now 2 years 5 months after the disappearance of Aunty Flo, I’m just mostly dealing with hot flashes at night. I still get the occasional heat blast during the day – but usually only if something stresses me (oh boy, stress = flash, that helps with stress…NOT!), so I try to keep stress at a minimum too! (again, see the above about exercise) There’s also the sleep issues – (so enjoyed your post about sleeping in separate beds) – again hoping exercise helps with that too. It does sometimes, sometimes not… I also try to avoid alcohol, which is a flash trigger (say it ain’t so!). Here’s to strong women – at all ages – LIFE IS GOOD and we truly do just keep getting better!
Mary says
I’m 50 and my Aunt Flo is all over the place – pun intended!!!! Here’s hoping she retires soon!!!! Thanks for the much needed sisterhood post!!! Keep cool!!
Ktb says
On shortening life–I just read in The China Study or Whole (forget which) that earlier menopause is more likely to help you survive longer. Yay for you and us, your readers!
Laurie says
Very funny! I remember wanting and wanting my period at the same age. (My daughter’s reaction was very different-she cried and wanted to know how long she would get periods.) I’m in my fourth (or is it 5th?) year of no periods. The no periods thing is great. The hot flashes-not so much. Hate them.
Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.
Laurie says
In my case, HRT was the only thing that gave me relief and I tried everything.
Darcie says
Love this!! Thanks for talking about this subject. There needs to be more conversation, I think.
Jennifer says
Thanks, Cathy, for getting’ real about “the change”! I, too, am 48 and have been without my period for 9 months. That is, until my BFF moved back to the US from overseas. After only one week with her, we have synced up and it is so frustrating! I love having my bestie back but NOT my Auntie!
Katie Pertiet says
Definitely gave me relief but also gave me unwanted weight and sent me in for breast and uterine biopsies that were luckily were begnign…
C. E. says
I’m 47 and just 3 months away from hitting the year mark. The hot flashes last year were horrible, but have now disappeared. I’m hoping that everything is done and gone! When I went to the doctor last year and told her I thought I was going through menopause, she told me I was way too young. She did the blood work and it showed I was right. I think I pretty much got every peri-menopausal symptom over the last five years. The strangest one was the feeling of something like electrical currants under your scalp. I stayed away from the HRTs and although I was tempted a few times, I struggled through it. One of the cons for me is that just as I’m losing my close-up eye sight, I start to sprout chin hairs. So not fair.
MaryAnn says
Thanks! Gracias! Malo! Tena Koe! Dank! Merci! For the laughs, the honesty, the subject. I’m on the pro side of things due to a hysterectomy but haven’t yet experienced the hot flashes etc. Is there any women who has EVER embraced, loved, cherished Aunt Flo? Good-bye to Aunt Flo and good riddance! You’re my hero!
Teresa Mucha says
Oh my! Took me a while to realize what you were talking about, I really thought your Aunt was missing. I must say though, I am happy for you, if that doesn’t sound too weird, as I am going through this hot mess and have been for over three years….Ugh! I feel like I am in junior high school again, never knowing when I will see Miss Flo or not. Plus, I have menopausal arthritis and a few other fun things added in to make this time so much more fun. But, I try to keep it positive and laugh along the way and hope that maybe by the time I turn 48 I will be filing a missing persons report,too. That will be this November, so let’s keep our fingers crossed! Until then I will keep the heat down and continue to freeze everyone at work to death. It is all about the crazy lady going through the change, you know! Thanks so much for sharing and making me laugh!
nancy says
I was once 19 years old and Aunt Flo didn’t arrive – I have never complained since! I will certainly not complain when she goes away forever though
Renee Hoffer says
Oh Cathy, thank you! I love reading your blog–even the comment section is fun to read! Thank you for always being brave enough to say what so many of us are thinking–and giving us a chance to laugh along the way!
Debby R says
I freakin’ love you! You always make me smile.
Sara S says
Bless you for this post! I can’t wait to wave goodbye to Aunt Flo. Everyone around me hopes she takes my hormonal mood-swings with her!
Veronica Zwiers says
I too counted how many times I had to have a visit.
Funny how that goes.
I want to ask God when I see him…. If you know we are done having kids…. why don’t you just turn it off? Whatever that age may be.
Lorna S. says
I’m 20 years ahead of you and I am sorry to say, Aunt Flo was so much easier to deal with than all the junk she left behind – the droops, the sags, the wrinkles, the increased daily fiber requirement, the slow down, (mental and physical). Oh I could go on and on. But I think the most enlightened approach to deal with all of this is to awake each morning and be grateful you woke up! So I will share that I move more flesh, and eat well cooked, high fiber goods. Two hoots to you!
Terri says
Aunt Flo left me five years ago, and there is one more thing to add to the Pro list. I had terrible headaches for 2-3 days every month, like clockwork, when aunt flo was in my life. Not nearly as much of a problem anymore. Life is so good now, even with the weight being a constant struggle. But the weight is a struggle for my husband to, so what’s his excuse?
Cindy says
I was ELATED when Flo left my “residence” 12 years ago; however, I was a little worried at first since I was only 45 and everyone else I knew was much older. Secretly though, I was so relieved….. I had awful cramps when that PITA came around every month! I’m with everyone else on the rest of the stuff – I just have to walk by food and it’s like my midsection is a magnet; my flesh is a little softer, (well, more than a little, but I’m sticking with “little”) and my energy level is no where to be found on most days. It must be the heat, it’s really been hot around here since Aunt Flo left!
Kirstie says
You are crack up Cathy.
Dar says
I, too, thought of the TV character Edith Bunker, who told her daughter that though some referred to Aunt Flo as “the curse,” her neighbor with ten children called it “the blessing.” That cracked me up, and showed me it’s all perspective, ladies.
My AF wandered off two years ago, and at first I was sad at losing what I thought was a symbol of my youth. But the FREEDOM I was enjoying … hey! I realized I’m as young as I choose to be … as long as I keep moving and try to eat well. Thanks for your post, Cathy. One of the best.
Caroline says
sometimes I wonder how you can write what is in MY head…
cathy says
YES!
cathy says
Oh yeah, chin hairs. Forgot about that one. I too am probably not going to do HRTs. Im dealing just fine with the hot flashes and other symptoms. : )
cathy says
I want to dye my hair, too. I havent in a few years, figuring salt and pepper aint bad, but sometimes, I miss my dark hair.
cathy says
Of course… ; )
cathy says
biznatch. now thats a new one. I like it.
Karen Yoho says
You must see Menopause the Musical! http://www.menopausethemusical.com/
It is hysterical!
cathy says
My best friend had that last year and said best thing she ever did!
cathy says
Dried up indeed.
phyllis says
I’m 57 and still waiting – my af left for 16 months, then returned to visit while in Haiti on a mission trip. I’ve got all the symptoms except I’m cold all the time and the hormone levels are just hanging at a younger person’s levels, even my doctor is wondering how long this will go on. You crack me up, and I love your pros and cons. Everyone’s walk thru life is different, but we all have so much in common.
Gigi says
Oh Cathy, you are too funny…… I was just thinking of you today, last night whilst not having anything to do I ‘You Tubed Surfed’ only to find Miss Cathy’s video on Tom Cruise alla Scrapbooking. Well with ear plugs in my iPad i’m sure I looked a sight laughing to myself.
I can so relate to you, we are the same age, have kids the same age and I read your blog just nodding my head!!! My Aunt left me a lot earlier when I had Ovarian Cancer, let me tell you the heat never gets better!!!
PS: Please make more videos. 🙂
Rosa says
Cathy you are always so funny when talking about the realities of life. I saw this mug today and reminded me of your latest obsession, I know you love your pantone mugs but…
http://charmandgumption.com/products/what-would-bey-do-mug
cathy says
Love!
Ana Roat says
My mom stopped HRT at 75. Doctor said she didn’t need it anymore. One week later aunt Flo showed up. She called me to share that “if your father were still alive, I could get knocked-up again…!”
Not filing any reports on that side of the family…!
cathy says
Oh man, I would be kind of pissed if I were her. After all that time!
Scrappybarb in VA says
Good for you! We are the same age, but I unfortunately still have Aunt Flo sticking around. Can’t wait until she moves out!
Sharmin says
This just totally cracked me up. Thankfully, I teach high school with a majority of female teachers. I’m 47 and Aunt Flo was giving me some major problems…in fact, she had overstayed her welcome. After dealing with major issues for 4 years I finally sought a 2nd opinion and found a gyn that solved the issues. One hysterectomy later and I’m a new woman. Even the hubs says I’ve been more pleasant in the last year since the surgery. Makes me wonder if I was Cruella DeVil before???
FrancineC says
Dang it Cathy, you are so freaking awesome I can’t even…..
Changebooking! Snort!
Christine says
I was 36 when I went into early menopause. I went to see my doctor, I know I could not be pregnant, I was a single mom with not romantic relationship.
This was in Europe where you can not go and see an gynecologist, you need a referral from your pcp and if he doesn’t feel there is an obvious need you won’t get one.
PCP’s in Europe and especially Holland did and still do their own female internal examination and place birth control etc. My pcp did not see a reason for me to seea specialist and just declared me in early menopause. Nothing you could do except accept that nature sometimes has mysterious ways.
Years later while being struck by that neurological illness I than knew and realized that my lack of hormone production was a sign, but no one bothered to look further into it. I always wonder what would have been if he had taking my complaint serious instead of that of a hysterical female. But, such is life.
cathy says
You know, this a good reminder to me to make sure I have my annual exam, which is coming soon. Just to make sure everything is in order. : )
Tammie says
OMG I started reading this post thinking that your Aunt Flo was a real missing person! When I finally got it (about 15 sentences later) I was Laughing My Butt Off!
Cathy You are HILARIOUS!!!!
TracyR (Australia) says
Cathy, you are so unbelievably funny – I LOVE reading your blog every week! I rarely leave a comment, but today I just have to thank you for making me nearly splurt my breakfast all over the computer screen with Laughing Out Loud. You go girl!
cathy says
You were not alone. : )
Jules says
Kinda late to the party (like Aunt Flo?!) but so grateful to see an honest, open discussion of this that I can’t help add my two cents worth. AF just would not give up on me – hung around some months for the whole month! Ruined holidays (including one at a resort in Fiji complete with private bungalow on the beach with WHITE bedding). So eventually I convinced my doctor I wanted a hysterectomy. I had had fibroids removed but that hadn’t helped and they were just regrowing. Seriously as I was approaching 50, as someone commented earlier, why the H*LL wouldn’t I want to put a stop to it? Why do we have to `convince’ doctors to do this? It.Changed.My.Life. Not only can I wear any colour I like, including white, I no longer fear standing up from my desk at work, staying away from home (apologetic notes to housemaids is not a great way to leave a hotel), can exercise whenever I like, spontaneously go anywhere, do anything without that fear following me. Yes the sweats, chin hairs, and weight gain are a huge PITA. Getting older is NOT for sissies! But none of that would induce me to entice AF back. BTW my hysterectomy was done without major stomach incision, just three tiny ones for the laparoscope. Not that it mattered with my stretch marks but the recovery was super quick.
Jules says
Also – I was interested to read in the comments you had thought about dying your hair Cathy. I have coloured my hair since I was 13 and been debating about not now that the grey is getting more obvious. I just never liked my natural colour, which was why I coloured it. You have been one of my inspirations for stopping the colouring. It is seriously expensive to maintain and I wonder if I couldn’t use that money in a better way. We have been living (and I still work) in a mining town where, at nearly 52, I am one of the older people around – most are under 40. However, recently we moved to our new home, where we plan to live the rest of our lives. I joined a number of groups where I am the youngest person by up to more than 20 years. After spending time with these gorgeous, vibrant, enthusiastic, busy women I have decided to abandon the hair colouring. Seriously there are much better things to devote my time and money to than something that is going to happen anyway. It is interesting how my perception of my own age and stage of life has been influenced by those around me. I look forward to spending many years having long lunches, garden tours and late evenings with my new, older friends. They are teaching me there is so much more to life than what you look like – family, friends, laughing and living every minute of the day.
cathy says
Jules, I keep thinking I should get that bottle of hair dye, every time I see a photo and all that gray, but then I think, “What the hell? It’s not so bad.” : ) I’m alive, I’m here. It’s not about the color of my hair, right?
Jules says
So true, the colour of your hair – of all the things we can manage and impact on our lives, it doesn’t really rate does it? Staying (or getting) strong, now that matters. A nurse told me a lot of women who end up in care in old age do so as a result of a fall. Building strength so if we stumble we don’t fall and break a hip? That matters. Keeping our life full of interesting people of all ages? That matters. Keeping our passions and interests alight so we are interesting and interested in the world around us? That matters. BTW feminine hygiene products must be WAY less expensive in the US (I commute between NZ and Australia – live in one, work in the other). I used to spend $36 a month sometimes! With two daughters it actually became a budget item!
Sandy says
Loved this and got a few good laughs to start my day. Thanks for being candid–I can’t imagine you any other way!
Kim Woods says
I hadn’t read this one and still have the flo but have the other symptoms. I thought at first that the missing person report would be the old you because sometimes I’m like “whoa where did that bitch come from?” Pre-menopause for me means personal summer, night sweats, erratic sleeping patterns and crazy loon with no filter blasting through the house yelling at everyone in my path for not doing what I asked the first time. Yikes. But usually after a Tasmanian Devil temper tantrum people in my house do what I ask without questioning. I share this with all of the other crazy people out there. Cheers to another year!
Kimberly O. says
I had Aunt Flo surgically removed. 🙂 YEAH! I had cramps so bad for two days each month that I was taking hydrocodone and flexeril AND that barely dented them. Two days curled up in the fetal position in bed. April 2014, I sent a message to my gyno’s office and asked to see him. I said I wanted to talk about a hysterectomy… that if they couldn’t get me, I’d yank it all out myself. (Seriously.) I was able to get an appointment the following week and I had my hysterectomy the week after. Best.Thing.Ever.
Grace B says
Too funny! Also, have you gotten to where you forgot that there even is such a thing as periods? I have, and sometimes I’m amazed to look back and remember when the ol’ monthly cycle felt normal.
Tammy Benson says
I know you posted this in 2014, but I just read it. And Oh, My Lord Lady! I need you to know that you crack me up! I am about your age, and Aunty Flo has been long gone since 2017…and all I have to say is, Thanks God! I hope that she packed all her Sh*t and never looks back! No cons here ma’am…I laugh every time I watch your YouTube and you talk about the personal Heat Wave….Never even had that either, thankfully.
Peace out from my Craft/Living Room, and please never stop Goofing around on your YouTube videos, as an Accountant & Payroll Specialist, I need your laughs Girlfriend!