Right now there are no dreamy pictures of me, nose to nose, with my little one held aloft in the air, while we both giggle like crazy.
Right now there are no little fingers at last finding the mechanics to pluck a lone Cheerio from the center of a sticky high chair tray.
Right now there are no PLEASE, Mama? just one more story?
Right now there are no time outs and mostly no meltdowns.
Right now we don’t need to hold hands to cross the street.
(but sometimes we still do)
Right now there are nights with an 18-year-old girl where we lay together in my bed and talk all about life and how to live it.
Right now I try to listen more than I tell.
Right now there are days when Mom is the absolute last person a teen-aged son wants to talk to.
Right now I refuse to stop trying.
Right now there are selfies taken and confidences shared.
Right now we are preparing for life with one less body under our roof.
Right now there is a surprising amount of space to step back and watch them figure it out on their own.
(but sometimes it’s incredibly hard)
Right now there are things that hurt that didn’t used to hurt. Things like hips. And backs. And knees.
Right now there are sleepless nights from fluctuating hormone levels, worries over college tuition and less-than-youthful bladders.
Right now there is extra padding in places where there used to be less.
Right now it’s really effing hot.
Right now there is no automatic wisdom by virtue of accumulated years.
Right now there is still work being done on a marriage.
Right now requires love and focus and wholehearted caring.
(but sometimes I miss the mark completely)
Right now I’m a middle-aged mama and as grateful as I am for it,
it’s a complicated place to be.