First up, I have to say thank you to so many of you who left comments on this post.
I’d hoped to strike an accurate tone, one that captured the frustration and the reality of a life long battle with looking in the mirror and not feeling good in my skin. I ain’t gonna lie: I was really afraid of getting called out by someone who would say, “Just shut up already and DEAL.” As a thin-skinned human, those comments always hurt just a little. Okay, a lot.
But you all just shared your stories and commiserated. And on a day where I was feeling like shit, possibly more so from the sugar withdrawal than anything, I deeply appreciated your commentary.
So what now?
There are a handful of movies I’ve watched numerous times. Many of them are not very becoming of a post-menopausal, middle-aged scrapbooker, and right at the top of the list is Pulp Fiction, which I managed to see a portion of over the weekend for like the billionth time. This scene. Good God. Right now, in my mind, as I look toward making changes and taking better care of myself, I’m channeling Ving Rhames and saying, “What now?”
I’ll tell you what now. Now it’s time to ditch the sugar, first and foremost. I wish I was like those people who have a cookie and move it on down the line. I’m not. I’m the person who is stuffing cookies into her pockets like Dan Akroyd stuffed fishes into his Santa suit in Trading Places. I’m the one who eats Oreos like popcorn. I’m not a moderator and right now, I need to embrace that and ditch the junky, sweet stuff. And for now, that includes cheap red wine that I so love. Why? Because it just turns into sugar and then I’m doubly screwed: I get the sugar AND make more bad choices because I’m buzzed.
I’ll tell you what now. It’s back to real food. Vegetables, meats, fruits and water. It’s not a punishment to eat real, unprocessed food.
I’ll tell you what now. It’s time to exercise again. I don’t need to be some Cross Fit super human. I need to get out and go for a freaking walk. Daily. I need to get up from my computer more frequently. I need to see about re-joining my old gym and getting back into the pool. I need to move it before I lose it.
I’ll tell you what now. I need to connect to reality every day. Life is complicated and it’s stressful and it’s wondrous. There ain’t really a script to follow so I need to woman up and deal with each day with a fresh heart and eyes.
I’ll tell you what now. I plan to be more grateful for this body—this body that hasn’t let me down in any discernible way. I’m still going to work on being healthier and hells bells, if I drop some chub around the middle, good for me.
Again, I am grateful for this online space. A lot of my best stories have zero to do with scrapbooking, and yet you seem to hang in there for the long haul.
I’ll tell you what now. Thank you.