So it’s been a wild and woolly few weeks around CZ Design Central. Last Fall, I created some business goals and at the top of the list was launching my own classes. Now back in October, when I set a launch date of March 1st, it felt like I had an obscene amount of time to get it going. Six months? Phff! That’s a friggin’ cake walk, my friends.
Then January came. Then February came. Then March started and all I had was one idea: get an older class ready to relaunch. My March 1st deadline came and went.
I’m not sure why I did nothing in the first few months of 2015. I think I was trying to create stress by choosing not to work hard and get shit done. I know that sounds crazy, but maybe some of you can relate? Do you ever sabotage your own work in order to have an easy out? I’m not even sure if it’s fear of failure OR success. Maybe it’s a little of both. All I know is that March 1st came and went and I thought, “It’s time to fish or cut bait, lady.”
Part of my problem was feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t really understand how to build they type of classroom I envisioned. Here’s the great thing about feeling sorry for yourself: it lets you feel in control of anything that is potentially way out of control.
Launching a new leg of any business is out of control. I can do everything in my power to plan for success. I can make sure all of my t’s are crossed and my i’s are dotted. I can launch the greatest marketing campaign that professional scrapbooking has ever seen. None of that is a guarantee of anything. None of that means it’s gonna rain up in here.
Not knowing is out of control. Embracing my lack of web design skill was a convenient excuse to not even try. That kind of thinking is SO up my alley.
But something changed this time. I decided to figure shit out. I spent as much time as was needed—and it was a lot—to make it workable and to represent something I was proud to promote and sell.
And so far, it has surpassed my expectations.
Of course, there’s no time to rest on those laurels.
I actually bit another bullet and hired a web designer to help me create a new classroom format and hopefully in the next few months, it will be ready to launch.
I have three more classes in my brain that have to get out. Class projects have to be done. Videos have to be recorded and edited. Handouts have to be written. Logos have to be designed. Marketing campaigns have to be planned and executed.
But when I choose to embrace this wild, woolly world of self employment, I can find true joy every day in this work that I do to make ends meet. It’s a privilege to find ways to make it work.
My therapist tells me if I could take my attitude towards work and apply it to all areas of my life? I might just have a shot at being a fully developed human.
The other day, I was talking to Aidan about all the things that had to happen work wise on that particular day, and she, sensing a little stress in my voice, said, “Yeah, but Mom… you get to be creative EVERY day, you know? That’s how you make a living.”
And me, getting a bit weepy, said, “Thank you for reminding me.”